Today I was in Bridlington. You thought Skegness was tacky? You ain’t seen nothing until you’ve seen the grockle shops and harbour-front cafes of Brid. The steamed-up, fingerprinted windows. The bags of shells for £1.50. The toddlers with stars shaved into the back of their heads. [The really delicious fish and chips].

Then we went on a ten minute pirate ship ride out of the harbour, and it was ACE.