After tirelessly tackling your most painful and difficult problems all week, I have come to a conclusion: you are all beyond help. Actually, that’s not true. The truth is, Uncle Mark and I only had time to answer a mere fraction of the letters we have received. So for the rest of the downtrodden and psychically disturbed, a failsafe cure: cocktails! Today’s theme is Psychiatry. You may place your orders now.
April 16, 2004
S.B. writes
A screwdriver please. After all, most people say I’ve a screw loose…
I’ll have some shock therapy. Thanks.
I’d like a Freudian Slip please.
This is where you intend to ask for a half of bitter shandy, but you actually ask for a four-pint pitcher of Sex On The Beach.
i’ll have some absinthe, please. enough of that and i’ll have plenty of exciting stories for the doctors in residence!
Could I have Long Slow Freudian Phallic Imagery Up Against The Wall, please?
I don’t know what this cocktail contains, to be honest, but I’m betting that it’ll somehow have Tia Maria in it somewhere.
I’ll have a sex on the couch with my therapist. Oh, and a cocktail. Maybe a Blue Hawaiian with Raw Shark (say it out loud)
I’ll have an OCD with a splash of Buy Polish. that’s an Orange-Cranberry Dewars. with vodka.
i’ll also have a couch in a dark corner in the corner with my therapist. and by therapist, of course, i mean, stuart.
A bottle of whisky in a brown paper bag nicked from some unfortunate failed customer of the care in the community system, please.
Orange Juice. I’m playing football tomorrow.
Anyhoo. Really enjoyed your week!
Large bottle of the Mexican insanity juice otherwise known as Tequila, a lime and a small pot of salt.
*wibble*
Special Brew please, and stop looking at my bird.
RIBENA PLEASE