December 10, 2017

Prize-Winning Indian & Rye

Inspired by a talk given by Rebecca Earl, on history and cookbooks, at the Also Festival 2017

In a time when self-expression
Was restricted to the kitchen
Emily was known for her coconut pie.
Hard-won daughterly love
Dutifully mixed into a loaf
Of prize-winning indian and rye.
As she waits for it to rise,
She scribbles down some lines:
Secret poems on a packet
About certain slants of light.
Pin-point observations
Advice to eat in moderation
Far beyond her generation
Words that linger sharp and wry.
Freedom in her poetry
To share out her legacy
So that alone she cannot be,
And noteless, she won’t die.

December 9, 2017

Birthday Albums #7 – Kintsugi

Death Cab For Cutie – Kintsugi

Of my birthday albums, I’ve saved this one for last, because honestly I don’t think that Death Cab For Cutie can possibly disappoint. While the breadth of my Death Cab For Cutie listening experience is not exhaustive, I think that of all the albums, nay, of all the songs, I’ve heard by them, I can’t call a single one anything but good.

You seem to be actually reviewing the music, Pete. Are you feeling okay? This is normally the bit where you go off on a ramble about lemon curd or notebooks.

Ah, you got me. In idiosyncratic fashion, this review is actually going to be about cars.

Colour me surprised

It’s about a month since I started listening to this album, and for the last two weeks I haven’t actually listened to it much at all. There’s an explanation, but some background is required. For years we’ve been vaguely intending to replace the car “at some point”. We bought it in 2004 and it was already three years old then. Since then, it’s been an absolutely fantastic little motor, giving us very little grief at all, but this summer our vague intentions have gradually become more concrete, and we’ve been taking the project a bit more seriously. It had a few repairs that needed doing, each of which would have cost a few hundred pounds. I had the funds available to replace it outright, so figured that it was about time. About 10 days ago I went to hand over our old car and collect the new, and since then we’ve discovered that the stereo in the new car won’t read CDs. The garage are going to fix it, but until then, no CDs, and since I haven’t gotten round to ripping Kintsugi and putting it on my USB drive, I’ve been listening to other stuff in the car.

Cool story, bro

Yeah, sorry, I couldn’t think of a way to make it interesting.

So you know how certain albums get associated to particular places or events in your mind? The albums that your parents played in the car when going on holidays will then always have a connection to that holiday? Or a particular album that you played on repeat back when you were a teenager, and a girl that you were besotted with didn’t reciprocate, will always remind you of your painfully embarrassing self-piteous behaviour during that period? Well, in such a vein, Kintsugi will surely become the album that reminds me of “The Astra”, 2001-2017, almost certainly by now stripped, gutted, and compressed into a metal cube, or plonked onto a pile of seven other cars in a local scrapyard where it can rust, rust, rust for the next few years.

So, now you’ve got that out of your system, do you want to talk about the album?

Don’t rush me. I’m having a bit of a moment here.

In your own time then

Well, upon first listen, my thoughts were that it was good, but not their best. Nothing on here had the same impact on me of the greatest tracks of Plans or Narrow Stairs, but to be honest those albums were so spectacular in both lyrical content and arrangement that they’d be difficult to beat. I suppose part of the problem might be the source of inspiration behind the words – whereas Plans was broadly about the unpredictability of life, and how you can’t control your destiny, merely guide it, and listening to Narrow Stairs can be a cathartic experience that gets a bit morbid at times, Kintsugi draws a lot from Ben Gibbard’s divorce with Zooey Deschanel. Now, I’ve never been married to Zooey Deschanel. I’ve never been married to any Hollywood actress. I’ve never even been married. And I don’t want to belittle the emotions of anyone who has been married to a Hollywood actress, but these lyrics just don’t resonate with me. When I hear a breakup song, I don’t process it as a song about a breakup – it just feels like a song about other breakup songs. I guess part of this stems from the fact that I’ve never personally experienced an ugly breakup, and I’m hoping that this continues. However it does mean that I am in the (I guess) minority who is just simply not the target audience for this album, from a lyrical point of view, at least.

Musically speaking, I’m definitely more wowed by the up-tempo tracks such as No Room In Frame and Good Help (Is So Hard To Find) (the latter of which is very tasty indie-disco-pop indeed) than the sparser songs such as Hold No Guns and Binary Sea but then I suppose this is to be expected, as these tracks act more as a vessel for the lyrics, which we’ve already established are utterly wasted on me.

Best Song

As I mentioned, the danceability of Good Help (Is So Hard To Find) cannot be suppressed.

What’s Next

Well, that’s the last of the birthday albums, so the project is officially done. However, at the weekend I’m going to see Shed Seven, so this week I’m going to be listening to their new album Instant Pleasures a lot. I’ve already listened to it once, and it’s pretty bloody good, so maybe there’ll be a combination album/gig review next week for ya.

  • Comments: 2
  • Oh you're making me tear up again. - Pete
  • RIP, The Astra. You took us to some places, and brought us back again. - Karen
November 21, 2017


Written on the summer solstice, and saved for a gloomy day in autumn.

It is the hottest June day since 1976.
I am staying very still, indoors,
So that the neat does not notice me.
The heat creeps around the door
Sucking at the limp air
Until there is nothing left to breathe.
It shimmies across the room,
Seductive, soporific;
Presses itself into my skin,
Holding me down.
Sticky-breathed stroking,
Nothing to do but surrender.

November 10, 2017

Birthday Albums #6 – Painted Ruins

Grizzly Bear – Painted Ruins

Hang on, didn’t you say last week that it would be “Shields”?

Yeah, funny story…

Oh there’s always a funny story with you, you imbecile.

Now now, just because you have no real identity and exist solely in my imagination, doesn’t mean you can be rude.

What do you mean, no real identity. Think about it.

Hang on a second. Exists in my imagination… obnoxious and abrasive…

Yes, you’re getting closer…


No, try again.

Ewan the Shark?


Holy balls. You mean it’s been Ewan the Shark asking me these questions all this time?

Right on, dick-for-brains.

Wow! Ewan, what have you been up to lately?

Oh, you know, the usual. Bit of this, bit of that.

How’s the fin?

Getting better, getting better.

Cool. So, about this album review.

Yeah, tell me your funny story.

Well, after all that build up, it might be a bit of an anticlimax. Turns out, I put the wrong album on my wishlist.

So you’ve got two copies of Shields now?

Well, no, I didn’t actually have the CD. So I’ve now just got one physical copy of an album which I formerly had in MP3 format.

Ah, that’s not so bad then. So who unnecessarily spent money on you this time? Was it Karen’s dad again?

Nah, my mum this time.

Does she read this blog?

I don’t think so. Anyway, Shields is a great album, but given that the whole thrust of this project is to review albums based on first impressions, I’ve got Painted Ruins now and am going to review that.

Makes sense. Proceed.

So as I’m listening to this album for the first time, I have this sinking feeling. I listen to the first few songs and am filled with a feeling of dread. It seems that Grizzly Bear are suffering from what I call “All The Good Chord Sequences Are Already Taken” syndrome. I am unable to pick out any kind of melodic patterns. In an effort to do something novel, they’ve written songs that are criminally uncatchy, random sequences of chords and notes that have no soul in them whatsoever.

Turns out, I should have had more faith. Because upon second listen, something starts to emerge. That little shred of familiarity from hearing the songs once is enough to provide just enough context that things don’t seem so gloomy after all.

You can probably guess where this is going. After three weeks, which probably corresponds to at least 10 listens through of the album, it’s climbed in my estimation greatly. Not so much that I’d proclaim it to be one of the greatest albums in the world or anything like that, but enough that I can get to the end and quite happily set it going from the start again. This album is, in short, a grower.

Best Song?

I don’t feel like I’ve really experienced this album on that level. It’s not a song-by-song sort of album, so when I look at the track listing, it’s a very unfamiliar collection of song titles that look back at me. I can’t tell you which one’s which, I can’t hum them. Not that sort of album, at least not to me. But, flicking through the album, I can heartily endorse Mourning Sound and Losing All Sense as my personal favourite tracks.

What’ll be next?

Kintsugi by Death Cab For Cutie.

October 28, 2017


I believe that this is the first time that I’ve been to Leeds, but it can be hard to be sure because I’ve done lots of things while drunk before and I can’t 100% rule out going to Leeds.

October 20, 2017

If birds were on twitter

Red robins would be asking you:
What would Jeremy Corbyn do?
Peacocks always posting selfies;
Magpies’ jokes are someone else’s.
Ducks and geese go on and on
About what their prodigal brood has done.
A pheasant moans about bad drivers,
A blackbird says his noisy neighbours
Always wake him up at dawn
(At least he gets to catch the worm).
The pigeons in Trafalgar Square
Brag about their followers.
Amidst this chattering of fowls,
The only sense is from the owls.
The whole covfefe’s a squawking throng,
From hashtag tits to muted swan.
But there’s no such thing as real bad news –
It’s lucky if they crap on you.

October 15, 2017

Birthday Albums #5 – The Fault In Our Stars

Various Artists – The Fault In Our Stars (Soundtrack)

How did it get on my wishlist?

I put this on my wishlist after watching The Fault In Our Stars film and being fairly impressed by the soundtrack and how well chosen the songs were. Instead of just being a bunch of backing noise, the music added a noticeable character to the film.

And why did you watch the film?

I saw a trailer for it on TV and thought that the cast looked pretty good. We’d just watched Big Little Lies so the Laura Dern / Shailene Woodley combo looked like a winner.

What’s it like?

Now hang onto your hats because this will come as a huge surprise, but the soundtrack to a drama about teenage cancer patients isn’t exactly a party album. The songs are mostly fairly glum, but beautiful. There’s an Ed Sheeran song and a Ray LaMontagne song on there, so that probably gives a fairly good indicator. That said, there are one or two slightly more uplifting songs on there, and a totally incongruous Swedish hip-hop song. At first I was puzzled by its inclusion, and wondered which scene it accompanied, but then I reminded myself and nodded in satisfaction.

After listening to it for a couple of weeks, I’ve reached the point where I need to move on to something else, maybe something with a bit more spring in its step, but this is still a fantastic album that I have every intention of coming back and listening to more of in the future.

Do you often cry like a baby at romantic films for a teen audience, or was it just this one time?

You’d have to be a heartless automaton to not cry at this film, disembodied voice.

Yeah, but you cry at films all the time, it’s hard not to tease

Yes, admittedly in recent years I find myself crying to films increasingly frequently, but maybe that’s just because I’m watching different kinds of films these days.

You cry at the end of Elf when Zooey Deschanel is singing “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”

I cannot tell a lie, I do.

And you cry at least once in pretty much every Pixar film

Look, the guys who make these films are professionals. They know how to get the emotional reaction they seek.

Do you want me to change the subject?

In the interests of rescuing this album review that has gone hopelessly off the rails, that might be for the best.

Okay. Let me just check where I got to on the script. Ah, yes – Best song?

Boom Clap is just spectacularly catchy, it’s sheer pop brilliance.

What’ll be next?

Shields by Grizzly Bear.

  • Comments: 2
  • Maybe it's a question of building up a tolerance. Maybe regular reading of teen fiction me... - Pete
  • I won't say I cried like a teenage girl when I read the book because my teenage daughter r... - Gammidgy
October 8, 2017

The Trans-Pennine: A Cautionary Trail

Nearly a year ago, my Mum and I cooked up the idea of walking the Trans-Pennine Trail. Honestly, I wasn’t that mad about that particular trail; it didn’t look very pretty. Nor did I like the symbolism of walking to Armpit, where it ends – I’d rather walk away. But I did fancy heading off into the wilderness for two weeks to see what I was made of.

Pete wasn’t mad about it either; he wanted to go walking with me, so the new plan, to leave him in charge of Casa Uborka while I went off to have fun, was pretty unappealing. I mollified him by arranging some walking weekends on the Thames Path with him, and we had a lovely time, as has been mentioned before. Meanwhile Mum started training and was soon walking 15 miles twice a week, far more than I have the time to manage.
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  • Comments: 2
  • Nobody knows. - Karen
  • I really enjoyed reading this :) *Do* banana skins biodegrade? - Lisa