We apologise for last nights interruption to Channel Uborka broadcasting and that there was no picture of a young girl with peculiar looking teddy bear to distact you. In place of our scheduled programme “Walking with Computer-Generated-Mythical But-Based-In-Reality Creatures”, we are showing a repeat of last weeks “Pick of the Pops” and a run down of the top five tunetastic sleazy songs.

Welcome back to this weeks Pick of the Pops and we start at number 5 with a new entry for Clock DVA and “Sonology of Sex”, a synthesised work that’s not so much sleazy as just downright deviant. A potential cult classic for all you amateur stalkers out there, the track opens with samples from Alan J. Pakula’s 1971 creepozoid movie “Klute” (starring a young, Barberellaliscious Jane Fonda in an Oscar winning role, film fans). The dialogue sets the tone for a dark, sleazy piece: “She started screaming… I don’t know why she did that. She had never screamed before.” Perhaps when you listen to it, you can work it out!

“How old were you when you first let a man make love to you? Next, who was he? Next, how did you feel at the time? Next, how did he feel afterwards? What did you feel? What did you think? Were you pleased? Frightened? Ecstatic? Disgusted? What did he say? What words did you speak? That’s what I want to know. Now! Tell me! Now! All of it! now! Tell me!” That’s what Nine Inch Nails ask at the beginning of their cover of Queen’s seminal non-hit “Get Down, Make Love”. A sleaze classic in it’s own right, Nine Inch Nails mixed their version of the tune with the sounds of hardcore porn action which pushes this sleazy hit up three places to number 4.

Foetus move down one position to this weeks number 3 with their tribute to the Marquis De Sade “Today I started slogging again”. The up tempo rhythm and pseudo eighties euro-rap delivery of the lyrics belies the depravity of the tune. “Castration, masturbation and flagellation aren’t the only things”, says Jim Thirlwell, the creative force behind Foetus, reminding us to use our imagination. After all, as he says, “You aint’ tasted nothing till you got Foetus on your breath!”

Our highest new entry, coming straight in at number 2, is another cover. Rod Stewart described The Revolting Cocks version of his hit “Do ya think I’m sexy?” as puerile but that didn’t stop the sleazy boys from making it their biggest hit to date. From the marketing gimmick of filling a hidden pocket in the transparent sleeve of the 12 inch release with KY Jelly to a video which superimposed aging crusty rocker Al Jourgenson’s (a.k.a. Buck Satan) head onto the body of a gyrating lap dancer, the song oozes sleaze. Subtle changes in the lyrics bring the song up to date. No longer are they giving the object of their affections a dollar so she can call her mother but in the AIDS aware nineties, buying a rubber seems far more sensible. A welcome new entry for the Cocks there.

Which brings us to our number 1 sleazy hit, for the fourth consecutive week, the Russ Meyer inspired band “My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult” and their ode to sleaze, “Leathersex”. What a better way to spice things up if you’re bored with your sex life than to drown yourself in Leather.

Stay tuned next week as we take the ten most annoying acts in the charts including Eamon, Justin Timberlake, Mariah Carey and anyone who’s ever appeared on Pop Idol, put them against a wall and gun them down mercilessly to the tune of Fur Q’s “Uzi Machine Gun Death”.