Right, kink it is. A theme almost designed for me. On a site my mom doesn’t read. Hopefully.

I want to leap straight in with porn. Or more to the point a complaint about porn. As a young lad, porn was accessible in the forms of several ‘Girlie’ magazines in South Africa. The chief of which I recall is being called Scope (we didn’t have the quality of Playboy and Penthouse for several years).

This started off a lifelong trend in porn is that porn lies. Porn sets you up for false promise. It was years before I understood that girls didn’t actually have floating stars on their nipples. Who knew?

As I got older a miraculous invention occurred called the pornternet. Some of you may know this as the internet, but really, honestly all it is a vehicle for distributing more smut, and more false expectations into my life.

Lets see …

• Chat rooms in varies varieties, and the birth of ASL. Basically loads of guys pretending to be bisexual girls to speak to loads of other guys pretending to be bisexual girls. If you ever spoke to a pigtailgirl_bi … I know nothing.
• Photo sites and a picture to suit any kink, but try find a girl who wants to let you take picture of her with a bottle of corona (*ahem*) and suddenly you are some sort of sick pervert.
• Sex blogs and the awareness that someone is having a more interesting sex life than the one your were fantasizing about, and making money selling the book rights too. Sex blogs are the titillation of the old Penthouse forums, but with the added depression is that someone might really be doing that.
• Swinging sites – Loads of people having sex, who aren’t as good looking as the profiles you are looking at.
• Movie downloads and the bittorent problem. The problem being that no man sure have that much access to free porn DVD’s, and we are back to the false expectations of the kind of sex people are having. Especially when you go into the “we bumped into this group of ‘normal girls’ on holiday and they decided to have a gang bang with me just for fun” genre.

Basically kids the take home message is this

Porn lies, and lesbians aren’t really waiting for a man like you.