I like to come out of films feeling like I have learned something about you crazy humans that I didn’t know before. Unfortunately, I came out of Closer with no new information, just confirmation of what I was already aware. In this world there are selfish people, there are manipulative people, there are paranoid people, there are people who keep on making really really bad decisions and call it instinct. I’m sure you knew this already. They all stamp on eachother in the pursuit of their own gratification, and the cycle just never ends. Everyone ends up unhappy, and I have no sympathy for them.

Apart from allowing it to reach a wider audience, I think that there was no point whatsoever in shooting this play as a film. It smells like a play, looks like a play, quacks like a play… the characters don’t interact with their environment, and the whole thing marches along a furious pace, hellbent on getting the performance finished before last orders. The characters just seem to be superimposed on top of London, passing time, living their lives, doing what people in London have done for years. The acting is better than an episode of Eastenders, granted, but the plot isn’t.
Oh, and there is swearing and boobies, which you don’t normally get in Eastenders.
It’s one of those films where if you asked the writer or director what the point of it was, they’d say “There is no point as such – it’s just about life.” I’ve seen enough films that are “just about life” to know that there is no complimentary meaning of the word “pointless”.
To summarise, this film was shit. But there was that scene in the strip club which gave me a semi-on, and the acting wasn’t atrocious, so let’s be generous and call it shit, but with fit tits, gits, and occasional wit.
UPDATE: I should probably add that this review reflects solely my own opinion. If you wish to submit your own review, then I’ll be putting them up during the remainder of the week.