June 18, 2004

How To… Take Drinks Orders

In my experience, particularly when busy, the best way is to stand behind the bar and yell
What the f*ck do you want to drink, you ravening hordes of b@st@rds?
Of course, that wouldn’t suit you genteel Uborka sorts. So – in the name of all that’s good and cucumbroid –
Ladies and Gentlemen, the drinking theme today is …. Sweary. So order now, f*ckbags. They’ll be served at four, half-four ish.
Thank you.


21 thoughts on “How To… Take Drinks Orders

  1. <soccer hooligan>A f***ing beer!</soccer hooligan>
    Please and thank you.

  2. A f***ing huge gin, with not too much f***ing tonic, lots of f***ing ice, and no f***ing straw, PLEASE! F***. Apple. Banana. I’m no good at this swearing business, really I’m piffling not.

  3. Damn. I’ll be on a train to Szombathely when drinks are served. But that’s the beauty of getting your orders in early.
    Mine’s a fu*king pint!

  4. Swearing in Spanish is always more picturesque.
    “Hijo de mil naranjas, tu madre tiene un bigote.”
    (Son of a thousand oranges, your mother has a moustache.)
    y un margarita aqu

    annie on June 18, 2004
  5. A pint of Old Rosie please.
    *swears quietly and tries to blend in*

  6. What the fruit is with all the asterisks? (asterii?)
    Please may I fruitin’ have a fruitin’ pint of fruitin’ Guinness, extra motherfruitin’ cold one if you don’t fruitin’ mind, as I prefer it to the fruitin’ normal draught one. Ohh and gimme fruitin’ bag of peanuts please.

  7. Fruit I’m a right cherry apple when it comes to swearing. Just doesn’t come naturally to a kiwifruit banana like me.

  8. Fruit this is fun, license to swear!!
    Motherfruitin applebag banana-y pineapple!!

  9. I would like a bloody bloody mary, please.

    Karen on June 18, 2004
  10. *clears throat*
    I would like a Fruitdriver – it’s like a Screwdriver, only an 18 certificate rather than a 15.

  11. I’ll have a fruiting gin and fruiting lemonade, please!Er, I mean: Give it to me now, melonballsack!

  12. Gordo, you are fackin’ loving it, you dirty facker! Three fackin’ posts in a row! Fackin’ superb!
    I’ll have a Vodka n’ tonic, cheers.

  13. Wash your mouths out with fruit, you filthy motherfruiters.

    The Fruitcensor on June 18, 2004

Comments are closed.