I fancy myself in the upcoming local elections, as candidate for the Racist party.

I think that people should buy some nice trainers, and then race everywhere. Then they will save money on petrol and also fight the obesity problem that one or two newspapers have mentioned occasionally as a small article nestled deep within the “and here is some cute news about badgers in Dorset” section.
Problem, nay, problems, solved.
And I’m going to Hell.