Don’t tread on an ant, he’s done nothing to you!
There might come a day when he’s treading on you!
Don’t tread on an ant, you’ll end up black and blue
You cut off his head, legs come looking for you!
By all the known rules of insect life, the above lyrics from the Adam and the Ants classic Antmusic are patently untrue. I’ve killed many an ant in my time – Bastard ants! I hate them! Die die die, you horrible filthy specimens! – and none of them have ever returned minus a head, yet at a size that’s big enough to crush the average human being under their spindly legs. (I do appreciate that if, during the night, I’m brutally slain in my bed by a seven-foot tall ant in a bad mood, I’m going to look very stupid indeed.)
Anyway, I refuse to take seriously anything that Adam and his dubious Ants happen to say, because I still remember the huge disappointment I felt when, as a naive ten-year-old, I first saw them on Top of the Pops in 1981. Yes, they may have worn the impressively stylish garb of dandy highwaymen and swashbuckling 18th-century princes, but were any of them dressed in large comedy ant outfits? Were they buffalo! They hadn’t even bothered to humiliate the drummer in such a way. Pah, call yourselves a pop group!
Dressing up as insects. It’s the way to impress the pop music-buying market. Trust me, they’ll all be doing it soon.