I hold pens in a slightly peculiar way. I’m not about to go into detail about the exact way that I hold pens when writing, but suffice to say that it is a little peculiar. Not as peculiar as if I held them between my buttocks or if I bit the blunt end off and held them back to front between my middle and ring fingers, but it’s slightly peculiar regardless.

I’m not sure when it started. I guess I must have pretty much always held pens in a slightly peculiar way, though over the course of my life I’ve gradually used a computer more and a pen less, so it’s less of an issue.
Just now, I was innocently writing something in a notebook, and was suddenly hit full in the face with repulsion at myself. I looked at my hand in disgust, as if it were a slipper full of dog vomit and banana skins. I manipulated my grip to look more human, and tried to write, but it just came out all messy.
And so I’m stuck with this offensive grip and I don’t think that it will ever go away. I’m cursed. Cursed, I tells ya.
I’m going to go and Google a bit and see if there are any support groups in existence for people with my affliction.