It’s the 14th Feb, so it should be all hearts and flowers today. However, I’m your barman today, so that may change. Last time I ran a bar on Valentine’s Day, we ran a singles night. Busiest bar in town.
Anyway, we’re under starters orders – order your drinks with the optional extra of a “Roses are Red” couplet.
My starter for ten
Roses are crap,
Violets are shite
Chuck it all on the fire
They look better alight
Orders please…
It’s my birthday. I’ll have an “Old Man Fashioned”.
Roses are inches
Violets are metres
Mine’s a pint
Or 0.56 litres.
I’m going to steal shameless from the excellent Matt cartoon on the front of today’s Telegraph:
Roses are red
The sell them in shops
My love is like the rain
It never bloody stops.
I’ll have something dry, please. Like a martini. Thank you. Oh, and a mojito for my wife. Ta.
Shamelessly. Gah.
Twitter is blue
Facebook is blue
LinkedIn is blue
It’s all fucking blue
Apart from Uborka, which is green
What does it mean?
The roses are crap.
The chocolate’s too sweet.
Make my Uborka bar order
A stiff Between The Sheets.
Putting the ‘old’ into Old Fashioned, eh Sevitz?
Roses are sometimes red
But also come in many other colours
Let’s be a bit more inclusive
Thanks.
Mine’s a Perfect Storm, thanks.
The violets are wilting
The roses are broken
And as for my feelings
They’re best left unspoken.
I forgot to order a drink for the birthday boy. Please make Sevitz a Grumpy Old Man. Thanks. I think.
: )
How about….?
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Neither flower naturally in the UK at this time of year
So British daffs will do
Support British horticulture. It’s mostly under water and needs any help it can get. (Insert gripes about “they only ever have cows on the telly, never the daffodils”).
Roses are red,
So are some pandas.
But what is a “panda”?
See, red pandas and giant pandas are not even closely related,
Their last common ancestor having lived 40 million years ago.
Giant pandas are bears but red pandas are musteloids. Like racoons.
Christ, this afternoon is really dragging.
Can I get a pint?
Sorry, I’m not good at rhyming. Let me try again.
…So are some pandas.
If I had a pet one
I’d call him Anders.
How is that pint coming on?
Roses are red
Lyle will take an order from you
But he probably can’t be arsed
And will just say “fuck you!”
I just realise we were meant to do a poem.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
This poem should rhyme
But it does’t
Gammidgy has raised the bar. A brilliant panda themed spin on the old verse.
I think you will find it was Lyle who raised the bar. Gammidgy probably just spilled his beer on it.
Relax, everyone. Karen just lowered the bar again.
Some bars are high
Some bars are low
When the bar’s out of reach
It’s a terrible blow.
The sky is grey
The weather’s crap
You’re warm and snuggly
Let’s go nap 😉
I’d like a lovely creamy hot chocolate that tastes like a hug in a mug, with a shot of rum in it to make it even more warming.
It’s one of those days where I feel the need for a ‘like’ button on uborka. But we don’t wanna go all facebook now, do we?
Roses are easy,
Violet’s a hunt,
Florists stock all of it
Now, what rhymes with hunt?
I’m sticking with Kamikazes, but need to figure out the rest of the servage…
Some thumbs are up
Some thumbs are down
I hit the like button
And yet I still frown