February 14, 2014

Bar’s Open

It’s the 14th Feb, so it should be all hearts and flowers today.  However, I’m your barman today, so that may change. Last time I ran a bar on Valentine’s Day, we ran a singles night. Busiest bar in town.

Anyway, we’re under starters orders – order your drinks with the optional extra of a “Roses are Red” couplet.

My starter for ten

Roses are crap,

Violets are shite

Chuck it all on the fire

They look better alight

Orders please…


22 thoughts on “Bar’s Open

  1. I’m going to steal shameless from the excellent Matt cartoon on the front of today’s Telegraph:

    Roses are red
    The sell them in shops
    My love is like the rain
    It never bloody stops.

    I’ll have something dry, please. Like a martini. Thank you. Oh, and a mojito for my wife. Ta.

  2. Twitter is blue
    Facebook is blue
    LinkedIn is blue
    It’s all fucking blue
    Apart from Uborka, which is green
    What does it mean?

  3. The roses are crap.
    The chocolate’s too sweet.
    Make my Uborka bar order
    A stiff Between The Sheets.

  4. The violets are wilting
    The roses are broken
    And as for my feelings
    They’re best left unspoken.

  5. How about….?

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Neither flower naturally in the UK at this time of year
    So British daffs will do

    Support British horticulture. It’s mostly under water and needs any help it can get. (Insert gripes about “they only ever have cows on the telly, never the daffodils”).

  6. Roses are red,
    So are some pandas.
    But what is a “panda”?
    See, red pandas and giant pandas are not even closely related,
    Their last common ancestor having lived 40 million years ago.
    Giant pandas are bears but red pandas are musteloids. Like racoons.
    Christ, this afternoon is really dragging.
    Can I get a pint?
    Sorry, I’m not good at rhyming. Let me try again.
    …So are some pandas.
    If I had a pet one
    I’d call him Anders.
    How is that pint coming on?

  7. Roses are red
    Lyle will take an order from you
    But he probably can’t be arsed
    And will just say “fuck you!”

  8. I just realise we were meant to do a poem.

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    This poem should rhyme
    But it does’t

  9. I think you will find it was Lyle who raised the bar. Gammidgy probably just spilled his beer on it.

  10. Relax, everyone. Karen just lowered the bar again.

    Some bars are high
    Some bars are low
    When the bar’s out of reach
    It’s a terrible blow.

  11. The sky is grey
    The weather’s crap
    You’re warm and snuggly
    Let’s go nap 😉

    I’d like a lovely creamy hot chocolate that tastes like a hug in a mug, with a shot of rum in it to make it even more warming.

  12. It’s one of those days where I feel the need for a ‘like’ button on uborka. But we don’t wanna go all facebook now, do we?

  13. Roses are easy,
    Violet’s a hunt,
    Florists stock all of it
    Now, what rhymes with hunt?

    I’m sticking with Kamikazes, but need to figure out the rest of the servage…

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