Today’s guests would appear to be more sensible than expected, not helping one bit with the clearly stated aim of clearing the above shelf. Do take a seat while I get your drinks.

Pete, Love of my Life, this is the perfect opportunity for you to imbibe the rest of your Laphroig, and perhaps the Talisker too. Especially given the risk that they get knocked off the shelf by the bathroom fitters in the next week. I mean that in the accidental sense, not that I suspect them of being thieves; they seem very trustworthy to me. Only the virtual cocktail will leave you hale and hearty my dear.

Lyle. What goes well with excessive amounts of coke? Oh yes, excessive amounts of triple sec. May your Friday sparkle and your feet never become sore.

Graybo’s request for earl grey tea was particularly inspired, and I do have a tin of stale biscuits to offer you with that. I hope you like it with the addition of sloe liqueueuer, which I understand is how they drink it in Luxembourg, land of delightful fragrances. Maybe. I have never been there.

We are particularly delighted to welcome our dear old friend the sartorially elegant Dr Pockless, who has accidentally asked for a sparkling water. I will Dr his drink, if you’ll excuse the abbreviation, with the rest of that Kahlua and some angostura bitters, which will surely be delicious, and also improve his poetry.

And I’ll have the rest, combined and whizzed in the blender with some of the mint leaves that have taken over the garden. I call this the Ubornicorn. Have a lovely weekend.