It appears some schmuck pretended to be me last night and posted some drunken depressing ramble. I have no idea who this ‘pretender’ may be, but I can assure it it’s not me. I would never lower the tone of Uborkadom with some depressing personal drivel and we all know I can spell better than that.
I apologise for this individual, and I think we all know that that personal feels rather bad this morning and possibly a bit sick (from guilt).
In the following of the new Court of Uborka (Judge Karen presiding), I ask the jury to dismiss the previous post. It is stricken from the record.
May 6, 2004
Scandal on the Uborka
Ah, if only it were so simple.
First you must walk the Hundred Mile Badger Gauntlet Of Shame.
Not I. The schmuck who posted that post. If we ever find out who he or she is ….
In the absense of a known culprit to walk the Hundred Mile Badger Gauntlet Of Shame, I suggest Adrian be made to walk it in his place, at the very least for compromising Uborka security and thereby allowing drunken reprobates to sully his reputation for spelling.
If I seem too harsh, I’m prepared to consider a Fifty Mile Badger Gauntlet of Mild Embarrassment.
But I’m innocent. I can’t be held responsible for the evil deeds of others.
Do you mean to say that it was not you who compromised Uborka Security? You may want to speak to your lawyer at this point.
Um, Bitter Marl …. Help ….
Kings Pete and Karen, I would consider it appropriate if we were to hold the public trial of the accused, Mr. Black B. Seabitch of London, England here in the humble Court of Uborka. Since I am a doctor I am willing to represent the prosecution.
The accused is held to have commited a number of crimes, including compromising Uborka Security, allowing improper spelling, and gross self-pity. If found guilty he could face a maximum charge of the Hundred Mile Badger Gauntlet Of Shame and 3 months sycophantic sonnet writing.
You can’t prove a thing.
I would like to state that I have been placed on record as Sevitz’s attorney of record. I will therefore like to insist that all comments desist immediately, until some conclusive proof of any evidence imputing Sevitz’s guilt in this matter is brought to light. It is blatantly clear that someone of Sevitz’s standing in the blogging community could never have got as drunk as hyena on acid, and written the filth seen by us all here. We trust that this ends this lynching of such an honourable member of our society.
Adrian would also like to state that he does not have any evidence relating to the Michael Jackson matter whatsoever. In any way.
Should Mr. Seabitch maintain that he did not write the post in question, we can deduce that Uborka security has been compromised.
I initially created Mr. Seabitch’s password. This password was randomly generated and can be assumed to be impenetrable.
I then passed this password onto Ms. Karen Uborka, who passed this password onto Mr. Seabitch. Nobody, at any point in the past, passed Go.
Records of this password are stored on my home computer. There is no evidence that any successful attempt has been made to retrieve this password from my home computer.
I propose that this password must have been disclosed by Ms. Karen Uborka or Mr. Seabitch, or used by one of them in the creation of the aforementioned post.
I, of course, am clearly not guilty of anything.
I would like to remind Mr. Seabitch that the penalty for being found guilty of writing a post similar to the one in question is significantly more lenient than the penalty for being found guilty of compromising Uborka security, and I also suggest to the King, towhit me, that Mr. Seabitch should be allowed one more chance to change his plea.
Thankyou King Pete for a most thoughtful response.
If we are to deduce where there has been a breach, we need to assume that it is either due to yourself (as you created the password, and thus had full access to entering the site) or Ms Uborka.
There is clearly no implication that Ms Uborka would have written such damaging content on her own site.
As a result, Mr Sevitz (nee Seabitch) strongly refutes your evidence. He also hereby brings a counterclaim for defamatory damages. He also wishes to enquire as to your whereabouts of last evening?
At 00:30 this morning, I was asleep in bed. I have a witness who can vouch for that.
I would like to invite the defendant’s representative to come up with any reasonable suggestion why I would wish to write such damaging content on my own site. I would also like to invite the defendant’s representative to provide a report of the defendant’s whereabouts at the time of the incident last night, with a suitable alibi.
Inspection of the Movable Type activity log reveals a perfect match between the IP addresses used to publish the post in question and the post entitled “Anatomy of the daily commute- London”
Since Mr. Seabitch has been given the opportunity to contest the authenticity of the latter post in the associated comments thread, yet has not done so, I believe that we can have faith in the fact that the IP address in question corresponds to Mr. Seabitch’s computer, and hence the post in question was sent from said computer.
I request that the defendant’s representative provide me with a list of all persons with access to the defendant’s computer.
Ip address can be spoofed you know.
Ever heard of Occam’s Razor?
The defendant’s representative is off to have a pint somewhere. And then deny it.
I used Occams Razor to shave this morning.
I decree that the aforementioned post shall be sustained, and that it shall be attributed to one Mr BB Seewitch (sic), formerly of South Africa, now of London, occasionally of Manchester, and never of Australia.
His punishment shall be to walk the Hundred Mile Badger Gauntlet Of Shame, wearing fishnets, having first shaved his legs with Occam’s Razor.
Court is adjourned.
Not as good as L.A. Law, but better than your average episode of Ally McBeal.
Bugger!