April 15, 2004

K.C. writes

I am truly, madly, deeply, profoundly, intensely in love with my soulmate whom I love madly and deeply and profoundly. He is absolutely perfect in every way. I do, however, have one teensy-weensy problem. My snuggle bunny is three feet taller than I am. Though this makes for, shall we say, convenient placement for certain activities that he may or may not enjoy (wink wink nudge nudge), I am worried that the height difference may cause problems and/or awkwardness in the future. Should I be concerned?

Steph replies:
In every relationship, there are mountains that must be moved, bridges that must be crossed, hurdles that must be jumped. Fortunately, all of these are easier to do when your man is extremely tall and can carry you. If you look at this challenge through rose-colored glasses (which shouldn’t be too difficult for you these days, from what I’ve seen), you will see that his height is a blessing, not a curse.
Don’t you hate when you’re walking outside and the rain catches you by surprise? Never again! He’ll be able to tell you the weather long before it hits you. And then he can shield you from the rain by leaning over you and walking a bit hunched over. Voila–a human umbrella!
Not only can you benefit from his stature, he can reap numerous benefits from your petite frame. Transportation just became much easier (and less expensive!): he can carry you around in a slightly oversized backpack and people might not notice. In addition, he can carry you around on the inside of his overcoat and people might not notice. This has the added bonus of potential discreet goings-on in the overcoat that people also might not notice.
You could use him around the house as well. Who wouldn’t love a personal dust-bunny sweeper for those pesky tops of cabinets, refrigerators, and ceiling fans? And outside the home, he can trim the tops of trees! Or adjust the antenna on top of the house when a ladder’s not available!
You have a nascent symbiotic relationship that will certainly flourish. Think of the things you could do for each other. He can check to see that your hair is parted straight. You can make sure his nose hair isn’t too long. He has found a life partner who will always know when his fly is unzipped and can warn him before embarrassment strikes. If that’s not love, what is?


3 thoughts on “K.C. writes

  1. One of the pitfalls of being short however is of course that irony might go right over your head…

  2. put me in a backpack and i will claw your eyes out. remember: small but FEISTY.

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