April 21, 2004

Sandbox Lamentations, Vol. 2

May 21
Age 8
I can put my hands all the way round my waist.

I discovered it in church the other day. I had my hands on my waist and I sucked in a little so my outstretched middle fingers could meet at my belly button. I do that a lot. And then I thought, maybe if I tried really, really hard, I could make my thumbs meet as well, encircling my waist with my two hands.
I had to do it in spurts because it was really difficult. I had to suck in with a lot of energy, and we were reciting the Nicene Creed which made the whole thing much harder to orchestrate. I’m not allowed to play during the Nicene Creed. My method was, I’d take in an enormous amount of air with a huge sucking breath, and recite in a squeaky little voice while squeezing as hard as I could, my thumbs grasping for contact behind my back.
It took me four attempts to do it; before each attempt, I’d gasp for air like I was dying, and after each attempt all the air would escape: “AHHHHHHHHH.”
“GASP. We believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not– AHHHHHHHHH.”
“GASP … with the Father. Through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven: by the power of the Holy Spirit he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary, and was made man. For our sake he was crucified– AHHHHHHHHH.”
“GASP … death and was buried. On the third day he rose again in accordance with the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge– AHHHHHHHHH.”
“GASP … We believe in the Holy– YES!”
I got in trouble for yelling during the Nicene Creed. It was worth it, of course, to find out I could put my hands all the way around my body. That’s some shit.