May 20, 2004

Lesse is More

And now on Channel Uborka, we bring you the stunning new documentary from controversial investigative reporter, Richard Lesse. Viewers are warned that are some scenes in the following programme may contain people talking. Younger viewers may like to know that tonight’s programme has a breast occurrence rating of 2 and the video timecodes are 03m17s and 17m29s. And for older viewers WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A NICE CUP OF COCOA AND GO TO BED? GO ON, THERE WE GO. YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WATCHING THIS RUBBISH DO YOU, GRANDPA? NO, IT’S ALL ABOUT COMPUTERS. NO, YOU WON’T UNDERSTAND IT. THAT’S RIGHT, TIME FOR BED.

Greetings. Tonight, we’ll be taking you on a journey into the dark underbelly of a seedy, explicit and dangerous pastime that hundreds, maybe thousands of people have been unwittingly sucked into. My name’s Dick Lesse, and I’ll be your guide as we explore the depraved world of EXTREME BLOGGING

Meet Randy, not his real name, a 31 year old programmer from London. He first got introduced to Extreme Blogging by his girlfriend. “At first it just seemed like a good way to kill a few minutes. But the more I did it, the more I wanted to do it.” Randy has been into Extreme Blogging for 11 months now. He and his girlfriend split up 6 weeks after he started. “I blame it on Extreme Blogging. Before I got into that, we were planning to live together and, who knows, maybe even get married. Extreme Blogging tore us apart. It ruined my life.”

But what is Extreme Blogging? We asked an expert, Norman Normanson of Normanton University. “Extreme Blogging is akin to blogging on the fly. A sort of blogging with no constraints, if you will. It’s Dogme95 meets online journaling. There’s no plan, no structure and no editing. It’s very risky.”

So what are the side effects? We examined a couple of blogs that we suspected may have been put together by extreme bloggers to see if we could tell. It wasn’t hard. The blogs were rambling nonsense, full of spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, lacking in structure and often missing a conclusion. Some of the worst cases we saw were so awful, I can’t even begin to describe them and they’re far too extreme to be shown here.

But Extreme Blogging has got it’s supporters. One practitioner, who wanted to remain anonymous so we’ll call her Bob, claimed that there was nothing wrong with the activity. “It’s not a problem. It’s just easy to do. I’ve been doing it for several years now and I know I can give up at any time. I just have to want to stop.”

Randy, however, disagrees. “You get to the stage where you have a half formed idea that you think is going to bring the house down. You think you’re going to right something that is going to be so poignant or funny that everyone will come and read your blog. So you sit down and you just let it all come out. Sometimes you find yourself writing several pages of nonsense and you’re absolutely positive that it’s fantastic material and isn’t going to need any editing or proofing. But an hour after you’ve published it, sometimes a day maybe, you go back and read it again and realise that there’s just no structure and sometimes it doesn’t even make sense. But while you’re under the influence you believe that every word will be in its right place and that you’re good enough to be an A-lister. But it’s just not true.”

We wanted to ask the Government what they were proposing to do about this new threat to our nation but they declined to comment. We think the evidence in cases such as Randy’s speaks for itself. Extreme Blogging is wrong -just say no.

We’ll be back next week with an in depth report on the truth behind belly button fluff and where it comes from. This is Dick Lesse saying good night, sleep tight and don’t wet the bed.

Since this programme was filmed, Randy entered his blog into the Guardian Blog Awards where he was placed second behind “Menu de jour”, a possibly fictional blog, allegedly written by a sous chef working for Gordon Ramsay. Randy has since been sectioned under the 1983 mental health act.


6 thoughts on “Lesse is More

  1. Who’s in charge of the licquor today – I’m gagging for a drink!

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