June 11, 2004

An Incomplete A to Z of Cocktails
(We only reached I, actually)

Good afternoon all, and welcome to a decidedly alphabetical Uborka cocktail hour. Graybo has kindly offered to act as waitress for this afternoon’s imbibement, and will be passing amongst you distributing a few finger-bowls of Alphabetti Spaghetti, whilst I deal with the cocktails here at the bar. Oh, and no slurping the tomato sauce off the spaghetti please, because that’s ever so rude.
Gordon gets in there first with his Aunt Jemima. That’s a drink, by the way; he’s not doing anything immoral with a relative. Uborka’s landlady, Karen, is delighted with her Bloody Mary, since it’s her signature cocktail. Anna has chosen a California Root Beer, with the aim of fooling us into thinking it’s non-alcoholic. When she falls over, we’ll realise that it isn’t.
We’re on to D, and Green Fairy wants a Daiquiri. With strawberries or jelly tots. Hmm. We don’t have either of those. We do, however, have Alphabetti Spaghetti, which goes beautifully with a Daiquiri, as I’m sure you’ll agree.
Dragon’s on E. That’s not a drugs reference, by the way. His tipple is an El Bastardo. How quaint. I must remember one of those for myself when I get tired of Pimm’s.
Mr.D is going to be sent back to school pronto, as he’s asked for a Friggin’ great Smirnoff Blue. No Alphabetti Spaghetti for you, then. Fortunately for Mr.D, Annie rescued us with a proper F-initialled drink – a Fairy. Rum, absinthe, blue curacao and one hangover to go, please.
I think something awful may have happened to G. Oh dear.
Mike is having a difficult afternoon, it seems. So can you all please hum a reassuring meditative chant while I serve him his Harvey Wallbanger. Have a bowl of Alphabetti Spaghetti, Mike. And breathe. And relax.
Krissa is after an Irresistible Manhattan. Well, aren’t we all, dear? I have, as requested, gone easy on the bitters, because I’m never bitter. Just cynical and twisted.
Oh, and chasing up a previous order, Adrian wasn’t around for the announcement of today’s letter-based cocktails, but he had earlier asked for “something wet and sleazy”, so I’ll just assume that he’s gone right to the end of the alphabet and opted for W.
Something wet and sleazy, though? Hmm. How about a particularly voracious dolphin?
Enjoy your cocktails, folks.


6 thoughts on “An Incomplete A to Z of Cocktails
(We only reached I, actually)

  1. Well, y’see, I saw Mr.D. on F, then assumed Annie was on G, so skipped to H, and, oh dear oh dear, I Broke The Chain.
    Have yourself a G on me, Vaughan. No, I insist. What’s it to be?

  2. Well, it looks like the barmaid is left to mop up the rest of the alphabet. So, I’ll just pour myself a Manhattan, Purple Rain, Sex on the Beach and a Whisky Mac.
    You’ll find me asleep behind the bar in the morning.

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