June 4, 2004

Krissa & Stuart’s Online Engagement Party.

Ah, me. The sweet scent of celebration is in the air today at Uborka, as an eager and thirsty huddle of well-wishers from both sides of the Atlantic Ocean gather together to raise a glass in honour of Krissa‘s and Stuart‘s engagement.

As I pass amongst you with the drinks trays, please extend a warm Uborkian welcome to my able assistant, the lovely Dodo Carpaccio, who will be serving each of you with your personal selection of Rare & Endangered Species Nibbly Things.

(Because, as I hope we have all learned this week, the only way to save rare breeds is to eat them.)

For those of you who are struggling to put a face to the name, here is a picture of Dodo at the height of her success, back in 1971.
(*Ouch* – I *felt* that.)

Altogether now: Ding-Dunga-Dodo-Doo...

And here’s how she’s looking, a mere 33 years later.

a handsome woman

My, but she’s scrubbed up well.

So, let’s get those drinks and nibbles served toute suite, then.

For Adrain, what could be more appopriate than a Wedding Belle Cocktail, accompanied with a sprinkling of rhino horn?

The other Adrian would like a glass of Bollinger for the toast – and, in lieu of his canapé, a tiger juice cocktail. I think you’d better leave your car keys with me, Adr… oh, I see that Dodo has already snatched them off you. Hmm. You’ll have trouble retrieving them from down there, I think.

Over in the beer drinkers’ corner, Hanni would like nothing more exotic than a pint of the old Guinness. A pint also for Doctor Pockless, along with an exotic melange of Northern Muriqui Paté and Kakapo Egg Salad. Rather you than me, Doc – but chacun à son gout and all that.

While Adrian is happy to settle for a mere glass of the stuff, Vaughan would like a whole bottle of Bollinger (plus straw) – and who are we to begrudge him? To be honest, I think he’ll need a whole bottle in order to wash down that Lesser Spotted Tibetan Spotted Yak vol-au-vent. A tad on the chewy side, is your Tibetan Yak.

Binge drinking would appear to be the order of the day, as I hand Porny Boy Curtis his pint of Bollinger (I knew there would be a run on that stuff), accompanied by not one but two slices of Yellow-Eyed Penguin Liver Pâté on toast.

Ah, there’s Elisabeth! Come in hon, and make yourself at home. Elisabeth would like a Kir, made with fresh raspberry syrup, (instead of the usual Cassis) and Laurent Perrier (thus upgrading it to a Kir Royale). Tell you what – I’ll have myself one of those as well. I’ll just pop it on the side for later.

Keeping it simple for S, who would like nothing more complicated than a Bucks Fizz and fresh strawberries. A classic choice.

Hi Jason! I don’t believe we’ve met before. Glass of champers, was it? And here’s your spotted owl paté. Enjoy!

Wotcher, Mr.D.! Mug of vodka coming up, and my, that cheesy ocelotsis looks good.

Why, here comes our landlady – and the Biggest Excitement Of Spring 2003 – Karen, who has already necked her glass of sour grape wine (without flinching once, I might add), and is now ready for her glass of bubbly. I’ve got her tequiwi on ice, ready for later.

As in the final acts of all the best Shakespeare plays (at least, the ones where everybody doesn’t drop dead), we have something of a double celebration here, as two of our other favourite bloggers cement their union by moving in together tomorrow. For Anna, an uncharacteristically restrained two bottles of Veuve Clicquot (because she “likes the box”, apparently) – and the same again for Bo, her beau.

(Do you see what I did there? OK Dodo, you can stop giggling now. It wasn’t that funny. Just hand Anna her panda kebab, and give Bobbie his impala paté. There’s a good girl.)

Finally, we turn to the happy couple. Stuart would like a glass of Bollinger ’63, accompanied by a couple of scrumptious Coelacanth finger pastries. For the blushing and giggling Krissa, a glass of the same fine vintage, served with Dodo’s “signature dish” – some truly divine miniature giraffe quiches.

OK, gang. Has everyone got their glasses?

(Hold on – Dodo’s just topping herself up with Mateus Rosé.)

Can I have a bit of quiet please? Because Stuart has a few words to say to you. Over to you, Stuart.

Friends, Shoguns, Gentrymen.

We are gathered here today in this place to drink our marvellous concoctions and to contribute in a completely harmless way to the elimination of sensibility in manners both alcoholic and ecological.

My first bundle of thanks is to all of you for coming, you’re all marvellous.

My second is to Mike, Gert, Pete and Karen, for such a swanky venue.

My third is to Krissa…

Now I know that too much of the slushy stuff tends to turn at least Pete’s stomach, so I’ll try and keep it brief so we can all get onto the Bollinger and liger sandwiches.

I shall say this – each and every one of you is partially responsible for Krissa and I finding each other. Love and life are both all about accepting the truth of things, and the truth is that you can plot the path of our meeting back through a thousand read and written blog posts that made us laugh, made us think and led us to understand that our communities, our links and favourites, are not virtual in any way other than a superficial one. You all drew us into this business…this pleasure of communication and exchange and the enthusiasm for it and the people behind it.

We met not because of a romance born on the internet, but our romance was born when we met because of the internet.

And that happened because of all of you.

So thanks again.

Cheers people!

*brief respectful pause, as everyone searches for their hankies*

OK. Please raise your glasses, people.



(No, Dodo. Now would not be a good time to “showcase” songs from your new album. Those plates won’t wash themselves, you know.)


11 thoughts on “Krissa & Stuart’s Online Engagement Party.

  1. i hope i nuzzled appropriately! and, also, i second everything stuart says.

  2. A Cocktail Hour to remember, and that’s for sure! CHEERS!
    By the way, Mike, did you really study doodling under Professor Edmund Irka of the Royal Institute for Reduced Arts?

  3. [keen to get in on the romantic celebrationism] Pete and I will have an extra glass, to celebrate the fact that WE LIVE TOGETHER IN THE SAME COUNTRY!

    Karen on June 4, 2004
  4. Here, Karen.
    Have some champagne.
    Was that a simple appreciation of the lack of complication in your situation or something that would do to have your tongue stuck out for and your thumbs in your ears, waggling your hands back and forth?

  5. It’s something I’d say with a smug look on your face, probably making you want to thump me.
    But rest assured, once you solve the whole distance thing, you’ll find yourselves resenting having to spend eight whole hours apart every single day.

    Karen on June 4, 2004
  6. Or possibly even a smug look on my own face.

    Karen on June 4, 2004
  7. In the words of the mighty Les Dawson: “Ooh, I’m fillin’ up.”
    Lord knows how Graybo and I are going to top this cocktail hour during our time here next week. I mean, of course I’d propose to Graybo, but he’s already taken, you know . . .

  8. Consider that your challenge, Vaughan.

    Karen on June 4, 2004
  9. Arse.
    Missed the cocktails.
    Stuart, Krissy, my apologies and congrats again!

  10. Many congrats to the happy couple and cheers for a great party hope you will both be very happy. And Mike believe it or not, I haven’t had that said to me for quite a while….

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