Ah, me. The sweet scent of celebration is in the air today at Uborka, as an eager and thirsty huddle of well-wishers from both sides of the Atlantic Ocean gather together to raise a glass in honour of Krissa‘s and Stuart‘s engagement.
As I pass amongst you with the drinks trays, please extend a warm Uborkian welcome to my able assistant, the lovely Dodo Carpaccio, who will be serving each of you with your personal selection of Rare & Endangered Species Nibbly Things.
(Because, as I hope we have all learned this week, the only way to save rare breeds is to eat them.)
For those of you who are struggling to put a face to the name, here is a picture of Dodo at the height of her success, back in 1971.
(*Ouch* – I *felt* that.)
And here’s how she’s looking, a mere 33 years later.
My, but she’s scrubbed up well.
So, let’s get those drinks and nibbles served toute suite, then.
The other Adrian would like a glass of Bollinger for the toast – and, in lieu of his canapé, a tiger juice cocktail. I think you’d better leave your car keys with me, Adr… oh, I see that Dodo has already snatched them off you. Hmm. You’ll have trouble retrieving them from down there, I think.
Over in the beer drinkers’ corner, Hanni would like nothing more exotic than a pint of the old Guinness. A pint also for Doctor Pockless, along with an exotic melange of Northern Muriqui Paté and Kakapo Egg Salad. Rather you than me, Doc – but chacun à son gout and all that.
While Adrian is happy to settle for a mere glass of the stuff, Vaughan would like a whole bottle of Bollinger (plus straw) – and who are we to begrudge him? To be honest, I think he’ll need a whole bottle in order to wash down that Lesser Spotted Tibetan Spotted Yak vol-au-vent. A tad on the chewy side, is your Tibetan Yak.
Binge drinking would appear to be the order of the day, as I hand Porny Boy Curtis his pint of Bollinger (I knew there would be a run on that stuff), accompanied by not one but two slices of Yellow-Eyed Penguin Liver Pâté on toast.
Ah, there’s Elisabeth! Come in hon, and make yourself at home. Elisabeth would like a Kir, made with fresh raspberry syrup, (instead of the usual Cassis) and Laurent Perrier (thus upgrading it to a Kir Royale). Tell you what – I’ll have myself one of those as well. I’ll just pop it on the side for later.
Keeping it simple for S, who would like nothing more complicated than a Bucks Fizz and fresh strawberries. A classic choice.
Hi Jason! I don’t believe we’ve met before. Glass of champers, was it? And here’s your spotted owl paté. Enjoy!
Wotcher, Mr.D.! Mug of vodka coming up, and my, that cheesy ocelotsis looks good.
Why, here comes our landlady – and the Biggest Excitement Of Spring 2003 – Karen, who has already necked her glass of sour grape wine (without flinching once, I might add), and is now ready for her glass of bubbly. I’ve got her tequiwi on ice, ready for later.
As in the final acts of all the best Shakespeare plays (at least, the ones where everybody doesn’t drop dead), we have something of a double celebration here, as two of our other favourite bloggers cement their union by moving in together tomorrow. For Anna, an uncharacteristically restrained two bottles of Veuve Clicquot (because she “likes the box”, apparently) – and the same again for Bo, her beau.
(Do you see what I did there? OK Dodo, you can stop giggling now. It wasn’t that funny. Just hand Anna her panda kebab, and give Bobbie his impala paté. There’s a good girl.)
Finally, we turn to the happy couple. Stuart would like a glass of Bollinger ’63, accompanied by a couple of scrumptious Coelacanth finger pastries. For the blushing and giggling Krissa, a glass of the same fine vintage, served with Dodo’s “signature dish” – some truly divine miniature giraffe quiches.
OK, gang. Has everyone got their glasses?
(Hold on – Dodo’s just topping herself up with Mateus Rosé.)
Can I have a bit of quiet please? Because Stuart has a few words to say to you. Over to you, Stuart.
*brief respectful pause, as everyone searches for their hankies*
OK. Please raise your glasses, people.
TO THE HAPPY COUPLE!
(No, Dodo. Now would not be a good time to “showcase” songs from your new album. Those plates won’t wash themselves, you know.)