Imagine a smooth, liquid transition from the theme of the weeks’ writings into a marvellously witty angle on serving cocktails.
Imagine how we may have sown the seeds of this approach in earlier articles, building up in a spectacularly planned and ruthlessly executed display of organised brilliance. Those specks of allusion suddenly resolve themselves into an unwitting path we have led you along, unknowing, until this moment, when we reveal everything, and with an expansive wave of the hand let you look back over the journey of the week and see things from this perspective and have you slapping your foreheads with delight and amazement.
Are you imagining that?
Really?
Are you really trying?
Good.
Would anyone like a cocktail?
Let’s make the theme…relationship bullsh*t.
June 25, 2004
Mars: Cocktails
Well, considering that it’s relationships etc., I almost thought of going for a Virgin Mary – but that’s not a cocktail, it’s a bloody salad.
Then I thought about a Southern Bridge, but that’s no fun with gin, so instead I’m going to swap it for an Internet Bride – Vodka, Pineapple Juice, topped up with Smirnoff Ice. In a Pint Glass.
I’ll be the one dribbling in the corner…
Oh – and insert “Please” and “Thanks” in there somewhere.
I’ll just have an old ball and chain please. You can give it to me at the gates of hell
Well, of course Adrian. I imagine we’ll be arriving at about the same time. But what about this afternoon?
I’ll have a commis… a commitem… a cosmitme…
Damn it, a mojito please.
Stuart, this afternoon I guess is ok, but stop playing mind games with women then.
Mine’s a Greek Revolution please, because today I’d like to be known as Nick The Greek. It’s got little to do with relationships, but there’s a fair amount of bullshit involved.
Sorry. Bulls*it.
Do you want me to change that to ‘Bullfruit’?
Or is that just too visual?
Railing against today’s theme, can I have a *single* malt whisky please
No, bullfruit is fine with me. In fact, you can pop a decorative slice of bullfruit in my shooter.
Usual* for me, please.
Then I’ll promise to love you ’til the day you die …
* Smirnoff Blue. No ice.
Ithengyew.
I’ll have a harvey wallbanger please.
‘cos everyone knows what once you get well into a relationship, that kind of sex is just bullsh*t you tell your friends to make them jealous.
[/cynicism]
I’ll have a flirtini please
(To flirt
1 To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
2 To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with: flirt with danger.
3 To move abruptly or jerkily.
– I think that covers it).
As a form of preparation for my own impending married life, I’ll take my pipe, slippers and a pile of magazines down to the end of the garden, and sit in the shed with the home brew.
Graybo, has she given you permission to go to the shed? You don’t want to get in trouble now you know.
An affair for me, please!
I’ll have a Honeymoon, please.
And then I’ll have another one.
Second Honeymoon. D’you see? Do you?
Well I have some catching up to do but the theme this week has certainly caught my eye…. What I would really like this week is Cupid’s Cocktail but I’ll settle for an Erotic Summernight and Absolut Sex… Thanks!
hello! i would please like a bottle of champagne. because for some reason a bottle of champagne makes everything better. that is all. thank you.
i’m with steph – i’ll take two bottles of a nice dry champagne. and someone to make bellini’s with the second bottle, please!