June 24, 2004

Mars: Marriage

This is it, gents.
The big one.
In the relationship game of chess, this is checkmate, this is the goal. Much like chess, in fact, bringing it about will involve a lot of contrived manoeuvring, and planning as many moves ahead as your mental capacity will allow.
Understand that the Queen is the most powerful piece on the board.
Your full-fledged ambition to become a doting househusband rests entirely on how this section of your relationship goes. Everything you’ve done so far to get your lady into the situation where popping the question becomes an issue counts heavily, but might also count for nothing.
Women, fickle yet wonderful creatures though they are, may well have been seeing you for some time with no intention to see the relationship through to it’s honourable conclusion. It’s a sad truth for the traditional gentleman and the new new man, but that’s life in the 21st century. Things are now much more complicated than getting her father drunk and getting him to sign something.
However unsavoury it might seem, tactics may well be to your advantage.
Your lady may well have some sort of pre-determined idea of how she wants the proposal to be. This may involve expensive restaurants, exotic holiday destinations or a troupe of elephants attempting the macarena – it varies from lady to lady. How you find out this information is up to you.
As men, we are all hopeless when it comes to understanding the complexities of the female psyche, so you might want to take an epic gamble and do something you thought of yourself.
Your Pitch
Now, down to the salesmanship. You will hopefully know your lady quite well by this point, and you will know what motivates her. If you’re sensible, you will have been slowly tailoring yourself to her tastes and wants over the course of your courtship. You will drop vague hints as to the pleasures of coming home to a hot meal on the table at the end of her working day, of having a lovely clean house to come back to, of having a man about the home to tend to and take care of the children while she earns the family crust.
Tempt her.
The Nitty Gritty
There are certain protocols for doing the deed. Going down on one knee is traditional, but why not go down on two, or even bow down to her feet as well, just to show her you’re serious?
This technique has often been used throughout history in some extremely prestigious begging situations, so do not be afraid to wheel it out on special occasions such as this.


15 thoughts on “Mars: Marriage

  1. Someday, I must post about how I proposed to L.
    Of course, I probably ought to start writing again, first.

  2. Someday, I must post about how I almost proposed to Pix.
    Of course, I probably ought to start writing again, first.

  3. Bollocks to this. I’m off to the pub.
    (BTW: I advocate spontaneity – I decided that the moment was as good as any and so, without any further forethought, I asked H to marry me. She says yes, and then pointed out that I might need to buy a ring.
    The problem with lack of forethought is that I proposed in one of the most expensive cities in the world. D’oh!)

  4. I think I would be firmly tented in the spontaneous camp, as well, Graybo.
    Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough time to get to and from Tiffany’s before my flight was due to leave.
    Ah well.

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