June 6, 2004

Relationship breakdown

So, it seems my partner has a week-long headache and doesn’t want to join in with my Week of Luuuurrvve. Well, I’ll do what any sensible adult would do in any long term and serious relationship when faced with a situation like this:

If he thinks he can come up with some wonderful Incomplete Alphabet of Blogging or something, then I can outdo him. Ladies, gentlemen and uborkans, I present Graybo’s Incomplete Lexicon of Luuuurrrvve.
Oh yes. In handy cut-out-and-keep format.
So, if you’d like anything luuuurrrvve-related to be defined or explained, then send one of those lovely comment-shaped postcards, and I’ll do my best to make things clearer for you in true Marje Proops stylee.
If you’re wondering what makes me think I’m qualified to write this, then all I have to do is point you to the archives at grayblog to see a string of "learning experiences" in the world of luuuurrvve. I reckon I have enough knowledge now to be awarded a doctorate in the subject – in fact, you can all call me Dr. Luuuurrvve.

So, let’s get straight on with it – the first letter of our Incomplete Lexicon of Luuuurrvve – which, shockingly enough is A:
Amour – the French word for luuuurrvve. However, it seems that the French have historically been a bit confused about this, and somewhere along the line developed armour as defensive protection for use during relationship breakdowns.
The French always seem to have been a bit confused about love. I know this based entirely on one failed online relationship some time ago with a woman who claimed to be French. She was clearly confused, so therefore all other French people must be.
Another confused French person was Pepé Le Pew.
In spite of Pepé being a skunk, a member of the Mustelidae and therefore part of the weasel family, he was always trying to get of with a cat, a member of the totally unrelated Felidae. That’s a bit like you or me trying to get off with a Geranium. And, to extend my argument above, since Pepé was French and a weasel, by extension, all French people are weasels and therefore best avoided in matters of the heart.

So, now you see how the Incomplete Lexicon of Luuuurrvve can help you avoid pitfalls in life. So, if there is anything from the world of luuuurrvve that you would like me to explain, suggest-o!


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