Best laid plans and all that.
Time has fleeted and there are cocktails to be served, and a divorce to be celebrated.
So, since I’ve run out of time, brain power, and many, many other things, the drinks thing today will be as follows:
When asking for a drink, please provide a mini-guide/story/something funny for each of the following letters or items (adding your own definition for a letter is permissable).
N (Norks, Nipples)
O (Orgasms)
P (Periods, Predictability)
S (Sex, Shoes)
T (Thighs)
U (Underwear)
V (Vagina)
W (Wonderbra)
X (ex- as in ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend)
Letters for which I was unable to come up with, for which I will be ultra impressed if you can come up with something for any of these.
Q
R
Y
Z
… and don’t forget to order a drink for Karen while you’re at it, because this party is in her honour.
July 2, 2004
Girls, a User Guide: Part 6 – N – Blind Drunk
N – Naked dancing
R – Redheads
P – Performing
O – Oral
S – Sex
T – To
U – Ultimately
Q – Quickly
W – W*nk a
V – Very
X – eXcited
Y – Young
Z – sevitZ
A drink to a now single and available Karen, and naked dancing redheads.
Q is for Queens – girls that are not really girls, and best not snogged (if one is a blind drunk heterosexual) on New Year’s Eve.
I’ll have a pint of whatever comes to hand, and another for Karen.
P is for Pint. Mine’s a.
P is for Periods and Predictability, in relation to each other and Pete’s comments below. P is also, coincidentally, for Pete.
Mine’s a Pimms & Lemonade, and another for me.
Y is for Yellow – a kind of love that we really don’t want to discuss.
But in that theme, I’ll have a large Yellow Chartreuse please.
Y R Z Q’s for ladies’ loos always so long?
I’ll be having a pint of my one of my favourite ales, Old Peculiar.
And line up another Pimms & Lemonade for Karen to keep her from being sober for the rest of the day.
O is for that flat, robotic, faintly bored noise that pretend-lesbians make in pretend-lesbian pr0n:
oooh… ooooh… ooooh… oooh….
As I fancy what Dave’s having, It’s also for Old Peculiar. Please.
N is for Nosebleed, which is exactly the sort of thing you don’t want to happen when being cunningly linguistic with a girlfriend.
The dilemma. Should I have:
a) let her believe that her time of her month had not yet passed and held her in my sway for a long while afterwards
or
b) interrupted her profuse apologies by claiming all the responsibility, clean myself up and carry on where I left off?
I’ll have a Bloody Mary please, Bob.