August 25, 2004

I fear thirst. And other things.

I’m off travelling for work this afternoon, and won’t get back until after the usual cocktail hour on Friday. I’m afraid that I’ll be thirsty. So I’m going to put my order in for vodka and tonic right now.
But other things scare me too. Like heights, although I’ve mostly conquered that one now. And the size of my credit card bill, which is something I’d like to conquer very soon. And not having anywhere to live, which is becoming a very real fear at the moment, with both my home and my fiancée’s home sold, and no new home in sight yet.
But getting engaged has set a new fear in my mind – that something will happen to Hels. I worry about her. I know she worries about me. I try desperately hard not to smother her as a result of this worry, and it certainly doesn’t keep me awake at night, but there are things about her work, her health, her stress levels – all of which do give me cause for concern, thoughts that meander around the back of my mind and occasionally push to the fore. Not the sort of fear that leaves me in a cold sweat, you understand – just an all-pervading concern that forms a background to life.
Of course, H is a strong and independent individual, quite capable of looking after herself – she’s managed to do that for all the years before we met, so I’m sure she doesn’t really merit that much worry now. But that doesn’t really stop you worrying about your loved ones, does it?
Goodness knows what I’ll be like if/when we have a child. They say that that is when you truly learn what worry and anxiousness are.
Hence the request for a V&T in absentia. I’m sure that will calm my nerves.


2 thoughts on “I fear thirst. And other things.

  1. Yep, that’s definitely one for Room 101 (in the Orwell sense, rather than the Merton sense). You just can’t allow the fear of losing your loved one(s) to rule your life, even if it never quite goes away.

    Karen on August 26, 2004

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