Aaah oooh aaaaa yeah
If anyone wants a longer one, let me know. I can give you a full 5 minute one.
August 11, 2004
Orgasm
Uborka
your weird cousins
Aaah oooh aaaaa yeah
If anyone wants a longer one, let me know. I can give you a full 5 minute one.
Boo, get off!
Oh. I see that you already have.
It’s not about me getting off. It’s about getting the lady off.
Or so I’m told.
Boo, get the lady off!
I’m trying dammit. It’s hard enough without all this pressure.
Go! Go! Go!
You said you weren’t happy to give them to me!
You can go for a whole five minutes? Gosh, I’m impressed.
Quit your complaining, woman.
I’m feeling nauseous.
I can go for longer than 5 minutes.
But I can give you a 5 minute orgasm
How?
But emailing the full track which runs in at 6 minutes 32 seconds.
The track is titled Orgasm, by Thick Dick.
She’s faking. I can tell these things.
Can you huh?
I’ll ask around and see if thats true shall I?
Sure, if you want all my future wingman duties to consist of me loudly discussing your obsessive sexual interest in gerbils.
d
You’ve been a lousy wingman so far.
The last time I took you as wingman I thought you were going to go off with Jose instead of me.
Luckily I believe you were classed as “too energetic” from early on.
What?!? I was present at the inception of the only girlfriend you’ve had in the last four years and, acording to you, the best relationship you’ve ever had.
I am the best wingman you’ve ever had. Who would have been better? Craig? Ross? I think we all know how that would have ended up.
d
6 Years not 4. The last girlfriend I had before Jose ended December 1997.
It is possible that I actually asked other wing men prior to asking you but they couldn’t make it. I forget.
Anyway Ross and Craig normally behave when I explicitly tell them I like a girl.
As do I!
Okay, so your success rate with Ross/Craig backing you up was zero, your success rate with me at your side was one.
In light of this stark fact, I would like you to formally withdraw your ‘lousy wingman’ statement, given that the only time I’ve been your wingman was a raving success. If you have even the slightest shred of evidence as to my lousy wingman status, please present it now.
d
The fact I managed some how to fool Jose into dating me (how I am still not sure) doesn’t mean that it was due to anything on your part.
Good lord, will you boys stop bickering. Dan, I’m sure you were an ace wingman, you were certainly very entertaining. And Adrian, as lovely as they are, I don’t actually fancy either Ross or Craig.
Thank you, Jose!
It’s not about who you fancy, it’s about a friend providing useful assurance. Do you see how ungrateful he is at my support efforts, calling me lousy? Lousy would have been interrupting your snog and accompanying you both home (instead of sleeping on a stranger’s couch!) and sticking around to watch the game (instead of wandering aimlessly around Liverpool!).
Last time I back him up, grumble grumble…..
d
actually i’m quite entertained. dan and adrian should have their own blog show.
1 success is not a statistically high enough number to rate your wingman-ness.
But it is better than zero, which is the result all your other wingmen have yielded after, oh, I don’t know, a HUNDRED nights out on the pull. Why? Because Ross & Craig are more attractive than you, and I am not. And, in the unlikely event that a girl were to go for me and not you, I would fall on my sword for a friend, while other wingmen would, and did, end up going out with them for several months.
I am not denigrating Jose’s efforts in this affair, or even saying my contribution was even slightly significant. I am simply saying that I did put the effort in for your sake, so for you to have me say that I was ‘lousy’, while it may be true in your estimation, means I will be unlikely to put said effort in again.
d
Thats fair, and a good point, but I would feel bad calling you a UBF.
What the fuck is a UBF?
Surely the only requirement of a wingman is that he makes you look like the better option? Adrian, in Dan you’ve come up trumps.
Exactly! It’s like standing next to a short guy. Literally, it is.
UBF = Ugly Best Friend.
Surely 1 success is a statistically high enough number to rate wingman-ness, if the 1 in question is still in progress. That’s 1 that works, as opposed to 20 false starts (possibly with somebody else’s UBF).
You can’t use ‘1’ as statically relevant number. You need a larger pool of numbers for stats to have value.
Everytime you think Ross & Craig have been your wingmen? You’ve unwittingly been thier wingman.
I haven’t been using statistically irrelevant numbers: You Have. You called me lousy, basing that assessment on one encounter, which was successful, the only successful encounter you’ve had in six years.
Statistically, I am batting at 1/1, better than any other wingman you’ve ever had. If you care to collect more data, you might be able to downgrade me to lousy, but until that point, you don’t have a mathematical leg to stand on to make your claim. The burden of proof is on the prosecution, your honour.
d
That’s why stats are rubbish. You have one (presumably) good pull, as opposed to 2 or more, which would yield “good” stats for your wingman, but might in fact suggest that you’ve been having a ropey old time rutting clapped out monkey wrenches.
Right, to avoid a ropey old time rutting clapped out monkey wrenches event
I hereby declare that so far Dan is a great wingman. Evaluations will be redone by year end.
Thank you! I rock! I make Adrian look good via my own ugliness! Yee-har!
As for you, Doctor Pockless, a wingman does not presume to judge on the beauty or otherwise of his buddy’s choices- a success is a success, and counts as one, even if your mate has pulled a toothless old crone with chronic dyspepsia.
Ah, now you’re back in the running, it’s quantity not quality that counts!