They say that too much beer
Will result in feeling queer;
So, to keep me hearty and hale
Can I have a nice cocktail?
August 6, 2004
Thirsty
Uborka
your weird cousins
They say that too much beer
Will result in feeling queer;
So, to keep me hearty and hale
Can I have a nice cocktail?
I’m not sure who is in charge of drinks this time
and that by posting this I’ve not committed a crime
but if it’s you who will meet our whims
may I have a large Pimms?
Thing is, I was lying awake last night
Worrying that I hadn’t asked someone to post the cocktail invite*
Drinks will be served around the usual time
And requests should, of course, be made in rhyme.
ps. Mine’s a large glass of wine.
*sorry.
Syntactical Crimes
I’d order my usual
but here’s reason whyn’t
I usually say that
Mine is a pin’t
But pint is a word
With which nothing rhymes
Unless you are willing
To commit syntactical crimes
But, lo! Unexpected
It appears that I am
You can put back the vodka
And pack up your dram
Mine’s a pint after all
So let us have beers
My syntactical accuracy
Is not what it appears.
There one was a Dan from the Border
Who never knew quite what to order
When it came to the time
to order in rhyme
acute-brain-affective-bipolar-conversion- depressive-genetic-glandular-sleep-terror- violent-anxiety-congenital-delusional-emotional-inherited-schizophrenic-major-affective-neurological-personality-posttraumatic-stress psychosomatic-respiratory disorder.
I’d like to have ordered a vodka,
But I can’t think of anything to rhyme with vodka,
So instead can I have a kamikaze,
Before I retire to the khazi
Please and thanks should be said
before I’m wished to be dead.
Roses are red
violets are blue
I wanna drink
but nothing pink.
Beer then wine
Will make me feel fine
Not wine then beer
For I’ll feel quite queer
Cheat!
“Cheat!”
Is that a poem?
A feat
For one word alone!
I’d like a vodka
But nothing with orange
To drink in a taxi
But not one that’s purple
A gin would be fine,
But then, so would some wine.
Cider’s a no-no,
The same as a Pernod.
Vodka is risky,
Like Tennessee Whisky.
You could serve brandy,
but beer would be dandy.
Hmm, he pondered, as he stroked his chin,
I might just have some tonic and gin.
Or maybe a guinness, just for a change,
I could order it now and maybe exchange,
but for what, he cried, banging his fist,
who knew getting drinks was as hard as this…
(almost!)
I’d like to be the first to say
‘please give me something soft’
but, then, since it is me, no way
would such request be held aloft
and thrust into my waiting hand
for anyone who’s met me knows
strong spirits are my right demand
and drink for drink while drink still flows.
So, to this end I’d like to ask
for vodka, gin, tequila, rum
triple sec, sours, cola (to mask
the smell – I have to see my mum)
Yes, that’s right, long island tea
(that’s iced) would make my afternoon
So one for the road, and one for me
An umbrella in it too. Balloon.
I will fly into JFK
On some Octobery day
Some people will say ‘hooray’.
Now give me a drink. I got my interview date for the US Embassy in London!
Beer please!
Stuart, will Badgett be going with you?
(Dum-di-di Dum-di-di Dum-di-di Doo)
He might drop by occasionally, but I doubt you’ll be able to tell the difference…