September 28, 2004

For your own good

I read yesterday that confectionary manufacturers are phasing out king-size bars, as a measure to tackle obesity. The people who will be hardest hit, of course, are the recently-dumped, who will no longer have recourse to vast amounts of chocolate to fuel their heartbreak.
The next logical step will be to ban consumers from purchasing more than two regular bars at a time, in the same way that bulk purchases of paracetamol have been outlawed. This will prevent unpremeditated bingeing; but without vigilant policing, will be an insufficient measure if the potential consumer of chocolate has the foresight to buy their chocolate in advance.
The Food and Drink Federation is keen to encourage consumers to eat in moderation, and presumably this has something to do with the fact that KFC are now offering rice as an alternative to chips. The chicken is still deep fried by YTS rejects, but at least the vitamin and fibre content is increased 100% by the spring onion garnish.
Healthy food is now officially fashionable, which means that those of us who prefer not to follow the herd will have to start eating rubbish, just so that we can still feel like individuals. Pass me that airport-sized Toblerone…


13 thoughts on “For your own good

  1. Pah. They can introduce all the laws they like, they’ll just drive us underground.. chocoshine stills will be built in hidden locations… shady dealers will offer “a chunk for a

  2. Speaking as a marketer, and therefore qualified to say this, I can’t help but be cynical and suggest that sales of king size bars have plummetted in recent years and withdrawing them can be tarted up as a proactive, consumer-friendly, health-conscious gesture – and not some quick cash-saving decision to save our arses from being whipped by the shareholders at the AGM.

  3. What?
    They put you on it automatically if you’re unemployed for any length of time and you’re in a certain age bracket.

  4. The recently dumped can still turn to Ben & Jerries for their fix. One sitting, one tub, a whole lotta chunks.

Comments are closed.