Clair asked for HEAT and HEAT she will get. Today the bar is extremely warm; in fact in places it is definitely on fire. Actual flames, people, please take care. The fireworks include a row of flaming B52s roaring across the bar for Clair and Lyle like the Red Arrows. There’s some rocket fuel for when those run out.

Lisa, the Girl on Fire, asked for a sambuca, but unbeknownst to her I have switched it for a Tracker Jacker. There is so much potential for fiery cocktail fun with this one! Luckily she has her head in a book as usual and is unlikely to notice.

Having a picnic on the fire blanket, Mike has cooked up a Blue Blazer and old Dr P has some sort of molotov cocktail and a subversive look on his face. Mind out for Graybo, he’s buzzing about like a blue-arsed fly trying to steal everyone’s drinks for the bottle tombola, which is really not on. Other hazards to be aware of in this environment include today’s yuleventer Kirsty and her flaming zombies; there’s nothing worse than a Cranberries earworm this close to the festive season.

Seated decorously near the fire extinguisher, Lori has what looks like possibly the world’s most special cocktail. No flames here if you please, just whisky and acid phosphate. I’ll be joining her for one of those, and I’ll also make room for Pix and her small neat glass of port. Sorry, I mean her ENORMOUS BUCKET of port.

Finally we have asta and her backdraft, which sounds like it might be the sort of thing Lyle would usually provide, and perhaps it’s better not to suggest that to him. This is why I am hanging on to the fire extinguisher, and a gas mask too.

Here’s hoping nobody gets into a heated argument this weekend. Keep on watching for #yulevent posts on Saturday and Sunday, and keep your toes warm.