LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED WITH A BANG! LYLE IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE, LIGHT THE FIREWORKS oooooooooooh aaaaaaaaaaaah LOVELY STUFF. AND NOW A ROUSING CHORUS WITH THAT GONG, IF YOU WILL.

THE OBSERVANT AMONG YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT OUR PIX HAS GOT A NEW JOB AND IT’S MAKING HER HAPPY. THIS ALONE IS EXCUSE FOR A NOISY PARTY, SO LET’S HOPE THE UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOURS ARE OUT BECAUSE WE HAVE A LOT OF CORKS TO POP AND WHO KNOWS THEY MIGHT GO THROUGH THE WINDOW INTO THAT PARTICULARLY NOISY DIMENSION INVENTED BY DR POCKLESS EARLIER, YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE KLAXON-HYENAS, WHICH YOU’LL HAVE TO ADMIT WOULD BE A GOOD NAME FOR A BAND. OR NOT.

EVERYONE IS INVITED TO MAKE VERY LOUD TOASTS TO PIX HURRAH FOR PIX AND CLASH THEIR GLASSES TOGETHER AND LAUGH A LOT AND FALL ON THE FLOOR. ESPECIALLY LORI BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT AN ESPRESSO MARTINI NEVER FAILS TO MAKE HER GIDDY.

sssshhhhh everyone Clair’s in hospital we should be quiiiiiet. OH WAIT SHE’S NOT ‘IN HOSPITAL’ SHE’S ‘IN A HOSPITAL’ THIS IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THING AND SHE IS WELL AND ALL IS WELL AND LET’S HAVE MORE CHAMPAGNE! OH ACTUALLY WE MIGHT NEED TO TAKE GAMMIDGY TO A&E LATER WITH THOSE STIGMATA.

ASTA FOUND THE PERFECT COCKTAIL FOR THE EVENING SO WHEN THE CHAMPERS DRIES UP WE WILL MOVE ON TO THE EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE, AND DO SOME MORE SHOUTING AT THE OSCARS. NEXT WEEK SHE HAS PROMISED TO WRITE ABOUT CURLING, IF WE STILL WANT HER TO. DO WE STILL WANT HER TO? YES!

IN OTHER PROMISES, KRISSA IS GOING TO STOP YELLING AND THINK ABOUT BOOKS AND GALLERIES AND THINGS AND WRITE SOME MORE ABOUT THE GOLDFINCH NEXT WEEK. WHERE ARE WE AT, PEOPLE? I CAN’T HEAR MYSELF THINK, NEVER MIND READ A BOOK.

AND LISA WAS ENJOYING THE PEACE AND QUIET UNTIL EVERYONE STARTED UP THIS RACKET AND NOW SHE APPEARS TO HAVE HER HANDS OVER HER EARS AND BE ROCKING IN THE CORNER. ROCK ON, LISA!

WE’RE EXPECTING A DELIVERY OF DRUMS FOR THE GRAND FINALE, BUT I’M A BIT WORRIED WE WON’T HEAR THE DOOR, SO CAN EVERYONE SHUSH A MINUTE?

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
SORRY PIGWOTFLIES, WE GOT A BIT CARRIED AWAY THERE.