Three weeks ago I was diagnosed as having Asperger’s Syndrome or, more pedantically, an Autism Spectrum Condition as Asperger’s itself is no longer an official term. I still don’t really know how to feel about it: bemused at the turn of events; relieved to have answers to some puzzles in my life; confused by the questions that have been raised; guilty at feeling concerned and self-absorbed about something that is neither pain-inducing nor life-threatening; afraid of being judged for having a very “trendy” diagnosis; hesitant about having to explain everything again and again; cross for no apparent reason.
So I stand here watching the rain clouds looming over our house, blotting out the afternoon sun and shrouding the landscape in shadow. I see the bright clouds and the hints of blue sky in the distance and I think “There’s a metaphor here somewhere…”
I know where I am right now. I’m just no longer sure how I got here.
There is power in naming things and I hope the power now flows to you.
I’ve heard many people express relief when they finally get a diagnosis for whatever issues they have been having. It can give a shape and boundary to problems that previously were overwhelmingly amorphous. I hope the diagnosis helps you. ASC still seems a rather fuzzy and mysterious thing, but we are learning.
Our brains define us. Wherever one sits on whatever behavioural/cognitive/predispositional bell curve one cares to draw, life is all about trying to understand this weird 3lb lump of stuff we each carry about, what is can do and what it can make us do, and working out to pilot it semi-competently through the world. Good luck with that. Good luck to us all.