Frequently over the years I have found myself pausing to take stock of how fortunate I am. I don’t have to worry about where the next meal is coming from, and a girlfriend (we’ve never quite figured out the correct term to use to describe our relationship) who is such a perfect match for me, it’s bordering on the ridiculous. These sessions are usually accompanied by a brief contemplation of the fact that at any moment, something awful could happen to destroy everything in an instant. But I don’t dwell on that, because it would be a shame to live in fear. However it does remind me to appreciate what I’ve got.
The downside to this is that it can result in a certain type of stagnation. When you’ve already got everything you want, then what is there left to fight for? When I was younger I had a lot more fight in me. Not that I’m trying to paint myself as someone who fought their way up from a rough neighbourhood or anything like that, but I had goals, and I knew that I had to work for those goals, and I gained self-confidence along the way. And then one day I hit those goals, and I kinda forgot to set myself some new ones, and have been coasting along ever since.
This has been preying upon my mind a lot in recent weeks, and I’ve decided that it’s time to do something about it. I’m not planning to throw everything away and start a new life from scratch, because that seems somehow ungrateful, as if to say to the world “hey, world, you’ve dealt me a fantastic hand, but it’s not enough for me.” and the world then shrugs and mutters to the person next to them “no pleasing some people, innit?” But there are certainly ways that I can broaden my horizons without a need to make huge sacrifices.
Last night I was rummaging through my stationary drawer (it’s also a stationery drawer, apart from when you’re opening or closing it) trying to introduce some semblance of order to my huge collection of blank notebooks. I drew out a full notebook from over 10 years back and had a flick through. I landed on one page in which I described Project “Project”, an umbrella project that encapsulates other projects, and laughed at the realisation that I’ve been here before, and we’re going in circles, and Gandalf didn’t mean for us to come this way.
Anyway, point is, this week I relaunched Project “Project”. Now, there’s two schools of thought on this. Some people believe that it’s good to state your goals publicly, because once the word is out there, it gives you an impetus to continue. Others believe that intentions count for nothing and actions are everything – it’s better to just get on with it in private, and let the results speak for themselves.
And now you’re wondering into which camp I fall, aren’t you? Well, I think you can probably figure it out from the fact that this blog post ends here.