To the guy who stole my bagel and proclaimed “he was there first” when I tried to explain it was my order – You weren’t. Knobber.
To the obvious out of towners/foreigners who were all standing on the left hand side on the tube escalators – Stand on the right or bugger off. Some of us actually have places to be.
To the nutter on the tube who was talking to himself but staring directly at me – Don’t ever do that again, it’s disconcerting on a level that endangers your health.
Today’s cocktail theme is “London and Johannesburg”, “England and South Africa” or “Where the sun don’t shine, and where it does”. Anyone who doesn’t stick to the theme won’t be served. And will be summarily shot.
Get your orders in.
May 7, 2004
Sundowners African Style
Well then, the only possible thing to order is Pimms, please. In an upside down bowler hat, if you will.
Last time I was in London I found that some of my friends had taken to drinking in more exclusive membership only bars where they could pretend they knew the old Doctor Whos and stars from late 80s Channel 4 comedy shows who also hung out there.
I also discovered that London Pride seems strangley exotic when drunk from a small continental style bottle. I decided, as I sat on some uncharacteristicly sunny roof terrace watching the populace below jostle for space in a riverside pub, that this should be London Pride’s slogan.
London Pride: Sort of Exotic From a Bottle.
It isn’t though. It’s rubbish. But it’s what I want. Can the reference to sunniness above pass for my concession to South Africa?
Strangley. Nice.
“who were all standing on the left hand side on the tube escalators – Stand on the left or bugger off.” Make your mind up – are they allowed to stan on the left, or not?
As for drinkies, today’s current request is for two – a Thames Water (half’n’half coke anbd orange juice – looks revolting, tastes OK), and a Sun Burn please – in exactly the quantities listed. Heh. Thanks.
Shite, looks like I’ve taken typing lessons from Adrain there. (Or at least from his more drunken impostor) That would be “stand” and “and”, obviously.
Lyle, I don’t know what you are talking about.
That’ll be a Smirnoff Blue with Kaffir lime, please
A nice pot of Welsh tea please, none of this foreign saffer rubbish.
I’ll have a shot of each of the 15 most brightly coloured spirits behind the bar mixed together in a pint glass and topped up with milk.
And then if someone could pick me up off hte floor and propell me homewards, I’d be grateful
it may not be south african, but i’ll have a fucking tusker if you please and make it quick. bloody natives.
(wow, amazing how easily i can remember what assholes the white kenyans were.)
Guinness please.
Shoot me.
Oooh, Tusker. I’ll share.
Oh, and stop hogging the bloody firing squad wall.
Budge up, budge up.
Gosh.
I’m frightfully thirsty.
ooh, pimms for me too please. but as i don’t much fancy the taste of hat, i’ll have mine with ginger ale and lemonade. ta!
Golly, is there still time? I’ll have a bloody mary, please. And don’t you tell me I’ll be shot. It’s my bloody website and I’ll drink what I’ll like.