June 21, 2004

Mars: Dating

The first tentative hours in each others’ company are essential in setting the tone of any burgeoning relationship and are disproportionately crucial in getting any girl to ever even think of walking down the aisle with you. So, as a man, great care should be taken with your appearance, attitude, wit and the prevalence of any bodily odours you might normally emit. It is of paramount importance that you alter your appearance, change your attitude, tell other people’s jokes and smell good, so that your date thinks well of you.
There is no way that any woman would freely choose to associate herself with a man if he attended the first few dates in his normal clothes or presented his own opinions.

However confident you may feel, do not take this risk, boys.

Women are sensitive, wholesome, complex yet honest creatures, so you must be very careful. Attend to her every whim, laugh at her jokes even if you don’t get them, and listen intently if they talk about subjects on which boys know nothing, for example, childbirth or periods, and be sure to express your awe at their intellectual prowess. It is essential that they feel more intelligent than you, and thus they will choose to continue being around you.

Women are clearly in control of anything of a…a….naughty nature that might occur as a result of a successful series of dates, but remember. Women always want what they can’t have, so do not give in too easily, and be sure to use your sex to lure women into confirmation of what every man wants: commitment.


7 thoughts on “Mars: Dating

  1. You put your left hand, you put your left hand out, you do the hokey pokey and you shake it all about

  2. We need someone to stand up for that most underprivileged class of humanity, the male. We must reclaim the insult “man” from such derogatory phrases as ‘Manslaughter’, and from insults like ‘typically male’.
    Or have I missed the point?
    (6 years being the only straight man surrounded by 120 women (and 2 gay men) may have skewed my perspective somewhat)

  3. Somebody has to do Karens work.
    And I wasn’t the one insulting men …

Comments are closed.