July 3, 2004

Screen Legends

I feel honored that Mark and I have been allowed final guest privileges before the new iteration of Uborka goes live. I’ve seen a sneak peek of it and wow is it amazing. No, I’m lying, in fact I haven’t seen it, I don’t know who Pete and Karen are. Who are you? What are you doing here? Does your mother know you do that in front of your computer monitor?
Surely picking Mark as my co-host is like putting Paul Newman and Robert Redford together in Butch Dyke and The Sundance Film Festival, Newman and Steve McQueen together in The Towering Bruschetta, or even Al Pacino and Robert De Niro in Michael Mann’s Sheep. And speaking of classic movies I’ll tell you a little something about Mark you maybe didn’t know.
When Mark was over in San Francisco last year he made a movie, a pretty low budget one, and a remake at that. Imagine the reaction though, on the first day of shooting, when he makes some unauthorized rewrites to the scene of the day. As Phil and Paul Hartnoll toyed around nearby, rewriting Lalo Schifrin’s original score and Mos Def practiced his scary-face/lion-face in a mirror, Mark was furiously beavering away at a word processor to spice up the script and make it a little more contemporary.
The director called action and Mark played the scene out just as it had gone in the original, patiently eating his hotdog until the bank alarm goes off behind him. He hits his cues and fires the ridiculously oversized prop gun they’ve given him before striding across the street, through the mist of a burst fire hydrant, ignoring the cries of pain from the other crooks and focuses on Mos Def before uttering his revised lines:
“I know what you’re thinking. Did he write sixteen paragraphs or only fifteen? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a LondonMark post, containing the most long-winded, high-concept lexicon in the world, and would melt your brain clean out, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I need punctuation lessons? Well, do I, punk?”
Of course, if you ask any of his exes, they’ll tell you there’s a very different reason he’s known as Dirty Marky. And you can expect the movie tie-in boxer shorts Dirty Marky Marks to be available at a market stall near you very soon. The movie went straight to DVD, or at least that’s what the producer told us.


3 thoughts on “Screen Legends

  1. D, you know, I almost exactly understoon ver little of that.
    Where is the sleaze? I was told there would be sleaze here.

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