So I was in the garden, weeding furiously, pulling up these things with leaves and little blue flowers and two-foot roots, and it’s all going nicely. I’d grab the base of the plant with my nice thick-gloved hand, and tear the leaves off. Then, with my narrow hand-spade (or whatever it’s called… Graybo! Help!) I’d dig around the stump to a depth of about six inches, so that I could grab the top of the root and pull that long pale-green tapering snake out of the soil. Highly satisfying.
Then it starts to spit a little.
“Just a touch of rain,” I think to myself, “I can soldier on through this minor inconvenience.”
Tear, dig, tug.
Tear, dig, tug.
Little worm comes to the surface for the lovely water. I perform the tear…
“Poor little guy. Here, let me help you.”
I gently scoop him up with my hand-spade and deposit him safely in an area that I’d already cleared.
“Oh, and your friend. Sorry to split you up like that.”
Worm number two joins his buddy. Then I see that I left their girlfriends behind.
“Yeah, I can carry two of you at once. Hop on.”
Another worm transfer. Oh crap. There’s still more of them.
I decided at this point that I didn’t want to spend the rest of the day driving the worm minibus, and retired to the worm-free safety of my computer.
Speaking of worm-free operating systems, the latest release of Ubuntu Linux (5.04, Hoary Hedgehog) is a beaut. Amongst other things, the new GNOME (2.10) is much snappier than the previous version. And I can get on with converting my WMAs to MP3s at last (in process as we speak).
Are you sure the first worm and the second worm weren’t formerly just one worm, until they met your hand-spade?
Ah, trowel. I always assumed that trowels where the things that bricklayers used, but now you come to mention it, I suppose my hand spade does look a bit like a trowel.
I just assumed that there would be a special name. Like how when you use scissors in the garden, suddenly they become secateurs. And when you use an electric egg whisk, suddenly it becomes a strimmer. That kind of thing.
Those green leafy things with the little blue flowers and the evil roots are FUCKERS.
Our lawn is infested with them. Two weeks ago they were just beginning to show. Last weekend I really should have dealt with them before they got out of hand, but I had pre-decorating commitments.
This weekend, assuming I even manage to get the post-decorating stuff done in time to pay any attention to the garden, I know they will have grown to such an extent that it’s going to take four times longer to deal with them.
Bastards. The day when I just concrete the whole fucking thing over is approaching rapidly.
and paint it green, Hg – to preserve the illusion, y’understand.
Regarding the blue things, as long as you get them before the leaves are about four inches long, the root is usually small enough that they can be just pulled up. Once they get larger than this, if you try and pull them then the leaves just snap off, and you have to dig. Which doesn’t do your lawn any good.
In fairness, one positive aspect of the green-blue fuckers is that at least they hide the shocking state of our lawn.
My mum suggested astroturf.