August 11, 2005

How To Be An Owl: Part Four

Owls also have very good night vision. Scientists would say that this is because their eyes are very large in proportion to the size of their heads, but I believe it’s that they are munching on lots of carrots on the quiet.

In fact, according to the 1998 Junior Illustrated Encyclopedia Of Lies, owls eat twelve times their own bodyweight of carrots EVERY SINGLE MINUTE! How incredible is that? For the purposes of demonstration, below is Beck the Owl pictured next to twelve times his own bodyweight of carrots.

The eyesight of an owl

If you listen to scientists, you’d be forgiven for thinking that carrots are high in beta-carotene, which is converted into vitamin A by the body, and this is why it is good for your night vision. This is clearly refuted in the 1998 Junior Illustrated Encyclopedia Of Lies, which points out that the truth of the matter is that its all to do with THE SHAPE OF THE VEGETABLE!

So here’s a handy cut-out-and-discard guide to improving your night vision through means of ingestion.


Two hundred bowls of carrot soup


Eight hundred bananas


One cucumber


Fifty eight sweet pointed peppers, stuffed with feta cheese and olives


Garlic baguette



8 thoughts on “How To Be An Owl: Part Four

  1. I have always found that walking around with your eyes closed does wonders for your night vision.
    For a few minutes, anyway. Then you open them again and Ta-da! Your poor eyes have been straining so under their lids that the semi-darkness of a sordid copse in the middle of a London park is comparatively bright, enabling you to see prospective victims and/or the police.

  2. Ah, copse. Not corpse, as I read it the first time.

    Pete on August 12, 2005
  3. Eating more than 12 bananas in a single day would induce a fatal potassium overdose in a human, let alone one undergoing partial transformation into an owl.

  4. He made me buy carrots especially for this photo. Now we have to eat carrot soup for the rest of the week.

    Karen on August 12, 2005

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