With some exceptions, owls aren’t stupidly fussy eaters like some animals that I could care to mention. Generally anything that’s an insect or rodent is fair game. In order to have the diet of an owl, we must swallow these things whole, and then use the muscles in our stomach to roll the indigestible bits (teeth, claws and fur – that sort of thing) into a kind of hairball, and cough it back up.
Understandably, I’m finding this to be a daunting prospect. I’ve never coughed up a hairball before. However, I do have some experience in producing vast quantities of phlegm, though it’s not something that I can really do on request.
For the purposes of this experiment, I shall deep throat a sugar mouse whilst holding onto the string (or “tail”). When the mouse has dissolved, I will then pull the string back up.
WARNING! WARNING! DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME! THIS STUNT WAS PERFORMED BY A TRAINED OWL WITH SPECIALLY ADAPTED STOMACH MUSCLES!
The results of my experiment were quite startling. Indeed there was a certain amount of coughing, but no pellet was forthcoming. I was also rather disappointed that the two hundred bowls of carrot soup that I ate for breakfast now seem to have been in vain.
We have come to the end of our “How To Be An Owl” series. The main conclusion that we can draw from our endeavours is that it is impossible to become an owl, unless you were an owl already. So basically you’ve been wasting your time reading this.