It took about five hours to get here, including a lunch break at Loughborough Services, where the staff of Burger King displayed a woeful lack of understanding of the point of fast food, and spectacularly failed to provide any of my part of the meal. After lunch, as promised, we got the audiobooks out, and I was subjected to the deeply macabre Jacqueline Wilson book The Cat Mummy for the nineteenth time. At the point in the story where putrefaction sets in, Bernard requested a change to The Muppet Show, with which I happily complied.

Armpit is having its annual bath in sunshine. I would show you a photo but mum’s wifi isn’t up to syncing dropbox; maybe if you’re really lucky I’ll post it tomorrow. Bernard finds it all awesome. We went to the beach, he made friends, got his jeans wet, walked home with sand in his shoes. Granny gave him lego and showed him the tadpoles in the pond. He is on his absolutely very best behaviour.

Mum has broken her toe, but is waiting on Stepdad hand and foot, as normal. She has osteoporosis as a result of radiation therapy. He is in terrible pain from various ailments. They are both quite chirpy and I haven’t mentioned my sprained ankle. I should probably put the child to bed now.