Dear Dr Pockless,

I must apologise for my dreadful behaviour when I visited your house recently with my family last night in my dream.

Firstly, it was a delight to finally see your house after all these years, after being able to only imagine it. I was a little surprised that it bore such a striking resemblance to the house in Leicestershire that my grandmother used to live in.

I am deeply sorry that my disagreement with Karen caused me to lose my self control, pick up a bunch of flowers and use it to bludgeon your furniture. It was petulant and indefensible. I have always prided myself on being able to discuss my feelings openly and I will make sure that this event was a one off.

While I stand by my promise to pay for any damage caused, I was clearly acting rashly when I handed you a wad of £20 notes adding up to exactly £1000. Given that flowers are soft and I only dealt one blow, it would seem likely that this was an excessive sum, and I honestly don’t know what possessed me. I’m surprised that I even had that amount of cash on me. Once you have paid for any required repairs, please could you return whatever is left to me.

Finally please could you pass on my apologies to your family, and your other visitor who I met while we were leaving. He seemed like a lovely man, and please could you let him know that I wasn’t really intending to ram into his car with mine, it was merely the remaining vestiges of my fury speaking, and my frustration that he would block my car in on your driveway with his own, while fully cognisant of the fact that he wasn’t going to be able to start it again. This still seems to me like a very inconsiderate act, though I stress that I am in no way making excuses for my appalling conduct.

Much love and Merry Christmas,

Pete