There are four types of people who give standing ovations at the end of a mediocre show.
1. Those who are referred to, in IT circles at least, as “clueless noobs”. The only experience that these people have with the theatre are a film that they once watched, starring Liza Minelli or someone equally hideous, who “overcame the odds” to produce “the performance of their life!” This, naturally, was met with a standing ovation. Hence all shows must, logically, end with standing ovations, as there is no evidence to the contrary.
2. Family and friends of the performers. Ob.
3. People whose generosity knows no bounds. These are the kind of people who write letters to their local newspaper about how much they gave to charity last year. They just give, give, give, give, give. Are you sure I was speeding, officer? Even in the light of the standing ovation that I gave your son at the performance last night? No, I thought not.
4. Sheep. When the person sat next to them bleats, they bleat too. After all, they don’t want to seem chicken.
Hey, that came out funnier than I thought.
And seeing as it is technically the 5th, I’ve updated the advent calendar already.