While Karen is away, I’m kinda pottering around the house, a bit of mooching, a bit of moping, a bit of mehing.
It’s more than two years since I last did this. Please excuse me if I act a little oddly.
This afternoon I’ve re-read my diaries from my youth – there’s a 1988 volume and then a void until 1992. Since then, there are no gaps. And let me tell you, it’s heartbreaking. Falling in love with a different girl every day, and being destroyed when the feelings weren’t mutual. Then, when my luck changes, I am completely indifferent and treat them all like shit.
I’ve started reading the diaries from my university years, but it’s much less horrifying. The pace of life picks up a lot, and it’s clear from the style of writing that I mature a lot in just the first term. I know from memory that in the second year I starting using the diary solely for appointments and reminders, and I used a separate notebook for more thoughtful writing.
This is a bit of a shame, as it makes it harder to correlate what’s going on with what I’m feeling, but it was necessary as I started going into much more depth, and it wouldn’t always fit in the limited space available.
- Comments: 7
- From someone moping on the other end of the stick for the opposite reasons I would say you... - Adrian
- I could never get rid of the cucumber. Or... could I? Cackle (rubs hands with glee). - Pete
- You wait, he'll be replacing that cucumber next. I think this post is rather lovely, in it... - Vaughan
- p.s. Woah! He's moved all the links down to the bottom. I've not even been gone a day and ... - Karen
- Oh pull yourself together. Also, GET BACK TO YOUR COMPUTER, I'VE ONLY GOT AN HOUR!!! - Karen
London

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Eight Mile
My job takes me to New York, China, Switzerland, Germany, and yesterday it was supposed to take me to Milton Keynes, such is the glamour of my existence with Sweatshop Busters Inc.
The plan was to meet my boss on the Circle Line platform underneath Paddington Station, but thanks to my own personal disinclination to get on a crowded train at Reading, I arrived a few minutes late – a few minutes after they closed the gates, telling everyone there was a power failure. I called my boss and left a message saying I would get a bus to Euston; I assumed she would do the same thing.
It took a while to push through the crowds and work out which bus I needed, but when it arrived there was simply no chance of getting on. As I stood waiting for the next one, the police closed the road; at that point I decided to walk. An official outside Paddington advised me it would take about 15 or 20 minutes, which is testament to the reigning confusion; what with the detour caused by Edgware Road being sealed off [and my subsequent wrong turning], it took an hour.
At Edgware Road I saw what looked to me like a bomb-squad sort of vehicle, and first heard the rumour of two explosions. As I walked, emergency vehicles were screaming by, and every tube station was sealed. I started to worry because my boss still hadn’t returned my call; also I was lost by this point, so I phoned Pete for directions, and he told me a bit more about what was going on, when I could hear him through the sirens.
It took me about an hour to reach Euston, and by the time I got there, the station was completely closed, and all mainline services out of the capital were suspended. It sank in very slowly, that not only could I not get to my client, nor could I get home. Nor could I get hold of anyone in London, because the mobile networks were so busy; and it didn’t feel like anywhere was safe. That was a lonely moment.
My boss finally called me; she had been trapped in the underground for two hours, and when I spoke to her, she had no idea what had been going on; she wondered why I was so glad to hear from her. As far as she was concerned, she had been inconvenienced by a local power failure, spent a couple of hours observing the funny Brits being all blitz-spirity, and then had a high old time walking along the underground tracks to be rescued. I’m really glad that, when she was stuck in that train, she had no idea why she was stuck in it.
She told me to get a cab to her flat in Kensington; well – someone must have been able to get a taxi in London yesterday, because there were a lot of them about, but they were all taken. I walked, and it occurred to me that I might want to avoid the main roads; it occurred to lots of other people, too, but the text messages saying avoid Kings Cross and walk through the park only reached me in occasional batches.
I managed to get a cab at Knightsbridge, by which point I didn’t think I could walk another step. A quarter of a mile down the road, he let me out again because the road was sealed. He charged me £3 for the brief sit-down.
There was a constant flow of information updating me about what was happening. I had seen the Evening Standard headline saying people had been killed by now, and a graphic of the targeted areas on Sky News in a TV shop window; Pete and my office kept calling me with warnings and news; and I just kept walking. Even while helicopters hung over our heads, London felt like it was somehow in control of the situation. There was no panic. The traffic wasn’t entirely at a standstill. London was suddenly full of people doggedly trying to get to where they had been going before they were so rudely interrupted.
Eventually I was rescued, given tea at my boss’s flat, where she kindly allowed me to work all afternoon. The quality of weblog reporting seems to have improved a lot since 2001, but maybe that’s because I read more weblogs that are actually based in London, so the quality of information is better. It was good to know when the trains started running again, and it was particularly good when Mr Sevitz offered to walk me to the bus to Clapham.
I appreciate how lucky I was yesterday, that the bus didn’t explode outside Paddington, and that I didn’t get down to the tube a few minutes earlier. I’m happy that all I’ve suffered is enormous blisters and aching legs. I’m really impressed that London was so cool in the face of attack. And I was bloody glad to get home to Pete last night.
- Comments: 7
- Quote: "Eventually I was rescued, given tea at my boss's flat, where she kindly allowed me... - steve
- I am glad to read that you are safe. - sue
- I think this humble report from some one caught up in the margins of disaster says it quit... - Doctor Pockless
- Glad you're safe and well. I am. - robin
- Obviously I feel sympathy for the many, many people who were worse affected than me, but I... - Karen
An Open Letter To The Emergency Services
You guys are the best. I take my hat off to you.
- Comments: 6
- Mine's a pint. And whatever they're all having. - Doctor Pockless
- On this sombre Friday, I raise a silent glass to all the services people, and to the victi... - Mr.D.
- Ditto - Lyle
- The way London felt chaotic but never quite out of control impressed me so much today. As ... - karen
- Yeah I take my hat off to you guys too. Everyone gives you loads of abuse (especially the ... - Adrian
Explosions in London
There have been a number of explosions in central London this morning, on the Underground and buses. I’m sure we can rule out the possibility that this is all just some unlucky coincidence.
Is this tied in to London winning the bid for the 2012 Olympics yesterday? Is it related to the G8 summit presently occurring in Gleneagles? I’m sure that we’ll know in time.
Right now I’m just worrying for the people who have been injured or killed in the city this morning, and looking forward to seeing Karen this evening.
Guardian newsblog
…and if I read one more person writing “this could have been prevented with ID cards”, I’m going to scream.
- Comments: 20
- Graybo, I would be honoured to be stalked by you. You might find my life a tad bit dull th... - Adrian
- [notes down Sevitz's phone number to begin evil stalking campaign] - Graybo
- According to nationalrail.co.uk, Waterloo is open and SWT services are running normally. - Graybo
- You in Kensington? So am I. I can drive you to Waterloo or Clapham Junction if you need. M... - Adrian
- I'm currently more worried about how to get from Ken to Waterloo - damned if I'm walking a... - Karen
Prepostrophes: A Series
- Comments: 7
- I wa's there. Mike Peter's's set wa's absolutely flawles's. - Dan Sumption
- What if "Mike Peter's" is his real name? - occasional ade
- No need to delete. I've changed the names to protect the innocent. - Pete
- *blushes* and waits for the first comment to be deleted... - Lyle
- Ah, so you did spot that I'd carefully edited out the pub name for the sake of anonymity?!... - Karen
My G8 Moment
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Unnatural Passions
A long time ago, Hg recommended a book called Skating To Antarctica, by Jenny Diski to me, but I never got around to reading it. Then a few weeks ago I was visiting Bristol, and came across a bookstall of some sort, run by earnest people, so it must have been for anti-vivisection purposes or something. Anyway, that’s beside the point. One of the books was Nothing Natural, by Jenny Diski
; being a cat of excellent memory [in fact, a mind like a steel trap, as has been remarked], I remembered the recommendation, and purchased it for £1.
And that’s how I ended up reading a kinky novel on the train to work every day this week.
Now, I don’t know whether I should consider myself to be well-read in this genre, but it did seem to be an intellectual cut above your Anne Rice nonsense, so that was a good start. Another book it called to mind was Killing Me Softly, by Nicci French
, although Ms Diski writes about the dynamic of a sadomasochistic relationship with more authority and less sugar coating than Ms French. Of course both the main characters are screwed-up bundles of issues, but that’s what unnatural desires are made of, isn’t it?
The story, in brief, is the tale of Rachel, a hardass single mother, with the emphasis on single, and Joshua, a Bad Man. They meet infrequently, at her flat, where he tortures her mentally and physically, and they both enjoy it. In a subplot, Rachel teaches a disadvantaged teenager, who is treated badly by the authorities who are supposed to care for him. When this comes to a bad end, she suffers from a severe bout of the depression to which she is prone; and although I have never experienced depression, I would think that this is more than just a sketch of how it feels to be chronically suicidal. Meanwhile, we are wondering whether Joshua could indeed be the sadistic rapist of whom Rachel has seen an accurate photofit sketch in the papers; she certainly believes him to be capable of losing control of his fantasies.
In an afterword, the author claims that the book is about honesty in relationships, and this is certainly a strong theme. It is also about power in relationships, and about people who appear to be totally self-sufficient but are usually hurt or confused on the inside. Initially, literary feminists applauded this novel, because although the heroine is initially portrayed as a weak and pathetic betrayer of the female race, in her enjoyment of pain and humiliation, she does eventually get revenge. the story of a single parent locked in an abusive relationship“>This review seems to miss the point quite nicely. According to the afterword, when Diski pointed out that they had completely misunderstood her intentions, which were to show the heroine losing her grip on reality in the end, feminist bookshops refused to stock it. Fortunately it’s still available in mainstream bookstores, where no political points need be made, only amazon points.
For me, the novel is not flawless, but is darkly gripping. The writing style is too like my own fiction style [as opposed to blog style, which I prefer, but try as I might, I cannot produce fiction in this same style, meh], and as such I consider it to be slightly clunking prose, a little bit trying-too-hard. At the point where Rachel’s depression hits, the novel becomes very bleak, but you’re right there with her, wanting something external to make it all better, just as she does; or desperate for her to pull herself out of it, but understanding that that’s really not how depression works.
4/5
- Comments: 2
- Very soon after I read Nothing Natural, I read Hope by Glen Duncan - another book (very ve... - Graybo
- I've read quite a few of Diski's books, but not this one. I remember the fuss when it was... - Hg

