• Rejection
• Failure
• Humiliation

Thank you for your timely and informative responses. It is my pleasure to distribute cocktails according to your multivariate wishes.
With so many resources at his fingertips, we can always rely on Ade to know exactly what is needed, so he thoroughly deserves his pit of beer. Unfortunately there’s not a lot I can do to prevent Piss Artist Pockless and ClearBlue Dave (the man who named himself after a pregnancy test kit), from swimming in it.
It is truly a delight to see Father Robin return from his holiday. In deference to Mrs Robin, I’m afraid I can only offer an orange squash. I think perhaps that kate has already reached what she sweetly describes as drunktime, and so perhaps she should have the same thing. Or a coffee without that whiskey in it.
That prick Adrian has spent a lovely week arguing with some feminists. I say feminists, but really I mean women with absolutely no sense of humour whatsoever. Women who don’t get Richard Herring. Women who, I expect, would think corsets and unsuitable shoes to be deeply, deeply wrong. So I say: go, Adrian!… and here’s your drink. Have a nice holiday.
The mysterious Mr Stark has returned, just in time for a vodka and coke; and perhaps he could do some sky-diving with the newly-bloggerless Mr D. I’m sure they would have a lot to talk about.
Smwht prplxd by Dsy‘s rqst, s n drnk fr hr. Sh shld knw hw mch brk hts txtspk.
Double vodka & tonic for Graybo. Moving swiftly on before he notices the time… and a sloe crush for Lyle, who is advised not to be contacting Santa Fe, lest they be alerted to the theft of a menu from the Reading branch last Saturday. I doubt he has a suitable alibi.
Sorry it took me so long to answer your letters; it’s been right hectic around here lately.
Lots of love,
Karen. xxx

You are cordially invited to join us for cocktails, this afternoon between 4 and 5 pm.
Letters of acceptance may be forwarded through the usual methods.
We look forward to seeing you,
Pete & Karen Uborka

R.S.V.P.

These are the best kind of letters, and the worst kind, but I don’t suppose people write them very often anymore. As Doctor P has pointed out, almost all written correspondence has been replaced by email.
Email love letters have their place, of course; but the speed and immediacy of email completely changes the whole pattern of the modern long-distance relationship. Especially when one person completely misreads the tone of a message, which always happens.
Email makes a handwritten love letter even more special, though, not least because it suggests that the writer concentrated on you for more than two minutes. Even if it says the same things that you tell each other every day, it’s just nice to see it written down (and let’s not forget the contractual nature of a signed document!).
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am busy with my correspondence.

I write in application for any suitable position in office management, quality management, or administration.
I am currently employed on a six month contract with a large local recruitment agency, which will end at the end of August. My remit has been to implement a quality management system and obtain accreditation to ISO 9001:2000, which I have now done.
This has involved a complete overhaul of all the company’s systems, including Health and Safety, Risk Assessment, and anything else that generally came under the “quality” umbrella. All the company’s documentation has been reviewed, and extensive training and internal auditing has been carried out.
I am now in the final stages of training a member of staff to take over the maintenance of the system, and am therefore looking for work where I can apply my skills and knowledge in an area that gives me good job satisfaction.
Prior to this I was employed for six years in a rapidly growing chemical company, where quality management was only part of my job. I have also provided consultancy and training services to other companies going through the process of ISO 9001 and ISO 14001.
I am keen to move into a strong administrative role where I can use my business and quality management experience to help companies to improve their internal processes and focus more effectively on customer requirements.
Should my skills and experience be of any use to you, please contact me through the usual methods.
Yours faithfully,

Bobbins. I scanned the wrong side.