November 26, 2022

Twitter Highlights from 2016

2016 gets off to a wonderful start with one of those tweets that hints that there must be more to this than meets the eye.

You know how funny it is to repeat everything someone says? It’s even funnier if you do it in appalling French.2 January 2016
“Hey guys, are you having a good day?”
“Are you soliciting for charity?”
The smile freezes on his face. An eternity passes.
“Yes.”15 January 2016

I can imagine the slow dawning in his mind as he wondered if he could lie his way out of this one.

Rewatching The Prestige. Partly for Bowie reasons, partly because it’s just awesome.22 January 2016

When a famous person dies, there is often quite a big fuss made of it on social media for a few days. I never generally get involved in that sort of thing, because what can I say that hasn’t already been said? The tweet above was my only acknowledgement when David Bowie died, which now in hindsight feels insufficient, given that we now know that it threw the entire universe off of its axis and the whole world started going to shit thereafter.

Horrid Henry: The Teenage Years would be an interesting spinoff to watch, as he realises he doesn’t have to conform to other peoples labels.31 January 2016
I’ve just realised that I don’t have much in the way of beer at home. Might be a whiskey evening.5 February 2016

It’s quite amusing reading back all these tweets about beer and whiskey and other alcoholic drinks, because I know the plot twist that’s coming.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Daisies are white
Daffodils are yellow
Venus fly traps are green
Cows goes moo
Hospital food sucks
Good day.14 February 2016
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Jaffa cakes are delicious
Sponsored tweet.14 February 2016

After the last valentine’s day tweet, these are far more tolerable.

There should be a word for remembering the name of a blog from 2007 and then thinking “wonder what happened to them?”17 February 2016
And then another word for when you do some cyber stalking and find out the name of the law firm that they work for these days.17 February 2016
Seriously, five minutes, that took. I’m quite proud of myself.17 February 2016

Well done, Pete.

Waitress keeps correcting my pronunciation of tortilla. By which I mean “correcting”.21 February 2016

I wonder if she was trolling me.

Just noticed that the boy is nearly as tall as @erzsebel. When the flip did that happen?8 March 2016

Got some news for you, pal.

I need some help from other parents. My kid seems to be going through a Bossa Nova phase. Is this normal?15 March 2016
The Girl From Ipanema is blazing from his bedroom at all hours.15 March 2016

The first of those two got a like, AND a retweet! Not very often I land one in both columns.

Change can be frightening.18 March 2016

This tweet has very little context around it, but I can tell from the date what this was about. After having been working at the same company for over 10 years, I was starting to look around, and things were starting to look quite promising with one particular company. It was finally starting to feel real that I might be handing in my notice any day now, which was a huge deal to me.

After four years away from Facebook, I have created a new account.29 March 2016

I created the account explicitly to communicate with someone who was not willing to communicate via any other means. They ended up being a total flake, so I was able to deactivate this account reasonably soon thereafter.

There’s a person sat opposite me on the train with a really tangled headphone lead. They don’t seem to care. What is this.8 April 2016

Horrifying. Someone out there “liked” this.

The cat is moulting, leaving little faint shadows behind everywhere she sits.7 May 2016

I call that poetry.

Once more I excel at the actor identification game. Tonight, Alan Tudyk in Frasier S08E048 May 2016

Still bragging about that, eh?

Today I’m going to be starting on building my shed, with help from @Gammidgy. Where to put all this topsoil?
14 May 2016

The shed was quite a big project. For this first portion (making a concrete platform) Gammidgy did all the work while I took copious photos and updated Twitter.

If peshwari naan was a crime then I wouldn’t be able to finish my curry.14 May 2016

This tweet occurred in the midst of my regular annual series of Eurovision-related tweets, so I imagine that this was probably some witty gag based on some similar-sounding lyrics. It got an unprecedented two likes and one retweet!

Shedbuilding 2016 going nicely. @Gammidgy I feel like the concrete platform may not have needed to be this big.
14 May 2016

After allowing two weeks for the concrete platform to dry, my dad came over to help erect the shed itself.

Shed built! Thanks to @Gammidgy for help with the base, and my dad for help with assembly.
14 May 2016

Pretty nice looking if I do say so myself. I will admit that it doesn’t look quite this pristine six years later.

Stop this referendum, I wanna get off.16 June 2016

Of course, a big thing happened in June 2016, and as is par for the course, if everyone is talking about it then you know that I’ll probably be making minimal contributions to the conversation.

It’s enchilada night. My job is grating cheese. I take my job very seriously.
3 September 2016
Uh oh, cheese tower started to fall. Have transferred to bowl.3 September 2016

The secret to enchiladas is more cheese.

Me: “you” is a pronoun.
The boy: Muh?
Me: Fine. You “are” a pronoun.
The boy: Muh?
Me: Laugh. It’s funny.9 October 2016

Is it, though? At the time, I was sure it was.

My favourite aspect of the Carcassonne Inns & Cathedrals expansion is our house rule that you must name every Inn.23 October 2016

I love this house rule, and I also love that this tweet got me two retweets and two likes, which is probably a new record. I haven’t been paying complete attention, I must confess.

The Thames is fairly unimpressive for the first mile or so.
30 October 2016

The start of our Thames Path walk, which was a fairly hefty project that we didn’t complete until 2018.

Today we bought a new sofa which means we can no longer ignore the problem of trying to get the old one out.26 November 2016
Getting it in was nigh on impossible. Since then, we’ve replaced our front door. The new one is slightly narrower.26 November 2016
In conclusion, shiiiiiiiit.26 November 2016

The replacement of the sofa is another one of those life-changing events that I couldn’t allow to pass by without some kind of acknowledgement.

This will never work. For one thing, no flammable material has been provided. For another thing, fire can’t even read.
17 December 2016
You have to get up at 9am on a Saturday if you want to be in with a chance of picking up the freshest dad jokes.17 December 2016

This is funny and you know it.

Listen to “It’s Only Love” by Bryan Adams and observe how Tina Turner telegraphs her impending arrival with a searing battle yell.26 December 2016

Tina Turner terrifies me.

I’m in an ice cream parlour. Fite me Richard Hammond.28 December 2016

And this was my final tweet of the year. Another one of my oblique references to current events, in this case Richard Hammond had implied on his TV show that straight people don’t eat ice cream, which naturally didn’t go down terribly well with anyone with a shred of decency.

There we go! Another year down!

November 25, 2022

Twitter Highlights from 2015

You may recall in December 2014, there was some discussion of a “real” Christmas tree. Well, that saga had one more element to deliver:

This morning was the first time I’ve had to hack a Christmas tree into thirds. Innocence lost.7 January 2015
These 5 jam doughnuts are mine, and I must eat them before school kicks out.23 January 2015

Okay, but… why?

Doughnut #2, here we go.23 January 2015
Doughnut #4 is on the go. I’m going to complete the challenge.23 January 2015
Doughnut #5 is taunting me. It’s going to take great spirit to finish this quest.23 January 2015
It’s the final doughnut (doo doo dooooo doooooo)
23 January 2015
I did it! Five doughnuts! Worship me!23 January 2015

Worship is so very much not the word.

I had a doughnut today. I’m not lying.24 January 2015

Okay, some respect restored.

I asked for something Mexican. I got given heaven.
24 January 2015

It’s a sort of recurring joke in this house that if Karen asks me what I want for dinner, I will say enchiladas. It’s possible that this tweet signifies the origin of all that – the first enchiladas that she cooked me, the ones that established it as the most desirable of dinners.

Okay, I’ve just thought of a new joke. Here it comes. Brace yourselves.24 January 2015
Why do triangles make bad parents? Because they’re never a round.24 January 2015
Ahahahahahaha!24 January 2015

Hey guess how many likes and retweets the joke got? Yep, that’s right. Absolutely fuck all.

The cat’s watching True Detective again.2 February 2015

Maisy’s love of television was a never-ending source of amusement to me.

Recognised Larry Fishburne in M∗A∗S∗H yesterday and Hannibal today. I’m proud of my achievements in the field of Fishburne-detectery.15 February 2015
I mean, obv I don’t expect praise for recognising L.F. in a recent program. But one that’s a few decades old, that’s a tougher challenge.15 February 2015

In case you needed more evidence of my skill at identifying actors. Hmmmm, I’m starting to wonder if this skill isn’t as impressive as I thought it was.

I am lying in bed with a mild hangover and a cat walking to and fro on me.21 February 2015

Firstly: hangovers! Been a while since I’ve had one of those. Secondly: I must admit that I kinda miss how Maisy used to walk on top of me when I was in bed. I’d usually sleep on my side, and she’d then sleep on my hip. Awwwww.

Oh the cat is on me again.21 February 2015

Didn’t take long.

The kind of people I follow on Twitter means that I often see reactions to the subject of the day, but no context. Can get confusing.27 February 2015
In conclusion, there is no dress.27 February 2015

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, this was in response to the famous dress photo that was posted in 2015, where some people saw it as black and blue, and others as white and gold. Yeah, you’re glad I reminded you of that, aren’t you? You’re welcome.

I hate people who subtweet. You know who you are.6 March 2015

This got two likes! A very uncommon achievement for me, at the time.

Can’t bear people who cause confusion by making me think they’re subtweeting me when they’re actually subtweeting someone else.6 March 2015

No likes for this one though, I guess this level of humour is too complex for some.

There’s brewing afoot…
15 April 2015
It’s happening!
15 April 2015

I thought it worth including a couple of photos of some homebrew happening, which I alluded to in a previous instalment.

Really hyped up for enchiladas this evening. I loves me some enchiladas.24 April 2015
Enchilada night. This is for two people. Seulement deux. #enchiladas #ohfuckyeah.
24 April 2015
Mmmm enchiladas are so shamefully delicious.24 April 2015

The enchilada love continues.

I think today might be the day that I bottle up the beer. Having to “interpret” the instructions as I have 3 contradictory versions.25 April 2015
Bottling complete! 17 and a half pints.
25 April 2015

And here’s the conclusion of the homebrew.

The most difficult task in the world is to build a Lego model from the instructions after the pieces have been mixed into the big box.3 May 2015
Did I say “difficult”? I may have meant “masochistic”3 May 2015

I imagine that this could be averted if you had a really good Lego storage system that allowed you to partition pieces by size and colour.

When I feel a cool breeze around my knackers, it reminds me that I should really get around to replacing these jeans.17 May 2015

My propensity for wearing jeans long after I should really have consigned them to the bin continues.

Oooh wifi on the plane. Weren’t like this when I were a lad.24 May 2015
I’m in Okay Italia in Budapest. It’s a bit like a Bella Italia, but instead of being Bella, it’s merely Okay.29 May 2015
Today we’ll be flying Germanwings. I can’t get a certain 1985 soft rock ballad by Mister Mister out of my head.30 May 2015
…and learn to fly again, learn to live so free-ee-ee…30 May 2015
After 12 hours traveling, I had the wherewithal to order a curry while we were still on the train. Which makes for a nice welcome party.30 May 2015

My criteria for including tweets in this blog series are diverse. Sometimes they get in because they’re particularly funny. Sometimes because they capture a moment of the zeitgeist. And sometimes just because they just sit together nicely and create a rudimentary narrative arc, of a holiday in Budapest. Or a work trip to Madrid (settle in, this is a long one):

Airport is nice and quiet at this time of day9 June 2015

(Note that this tweet was posted at 4:36am)

In other news, I wish I was still in bed9 June 2015
Now I’m sat around waiting for security to open. I could have slept in for at least another half hour9 June 2015
Need coffee. Need breakfast.9 June 2015
And America hasn’t even gone to bed yet, eh @autoblography?9 June 2015
Right, security is open. Might as well go and find out what’s open on the other side.9 June 2015
That was quick. Too quick. I literally have an entire hour to kill before I can even board.9 June 2015
Things are looking up – got coffee, got breakfast.9 June 2015
Though I did forget to ask for no chocolate on my cappuccino. See what happens to me at antisocial hours?9 June 2015
My phone screen is now dusted with sugar that fell off the top of my almond croissant. I’m such an uncouth brute.9 June 2015
I’ve got last night’s Game Of Thrones on my phone. Might save it for the flight.9 June 2015
Whiskey shop is open. That’s a tough one to resist.9 June 2015
Found a nice spot where I can watch the runway before I realised that mine is the first flight of the day. So I’m now watching an empty road9 June 2015
Actually, there’s a bit of arrivalling going on, so there’s that.9 June 2015
A really really big plane just landed. I bet it does enormous poos.9 June 2015
And, speaking of enormous poos…9 June 2015
Airport is starting to wake up now9 June 2015

(It’s still only 5:27am)

I have relocated to my gate, after picking up some mints en route. Ecky thump this is some compelling reading, eh?9 June 2015
Maybe I should strike up conversation with one of my fellow passengers-to-be?9 June 2015
I’m now wishing I’d spent more time choosing my seat. 9A sounds so boring. I could have done better.9 June 2015
Come on guys, give me some feedback. I feel like I’m screaming into the void here. Surely I’m not the only one up at 5.30am in the morning?9 June 2015
Tempted to slap on an episode of Cowboy Bebop, but I reckon boarding is imminent.9 June 2015
Boarding now. My plane looks like it only does medium sized poos.9 June 2015

The following morning…

What a strange night I had last night.10 June 2015
It involved a moderately seedy club in Madrid called Toreno10 June 2015
The best thing of all is that I can call it work. Which means I worked a 22 hour day on Tuesday, by my calculations.10 June 2015

Yeah but I spent all of Wednesday hungover…

The bad news – I’ve got over 3 hours to waste at the airport and my flight is already 40 minutes delayed10 June 2015
The good news – I’m not unprepared for this. I have Kindle. I have this week’s Game Of Thrones saved to my phone.10 June 2015
I also have a few hours of Cowboy Bebop episodes saved. So I’m all set for entertainment10 June 2015
I’m in the VIP lounge with free WiFi, a place to charge my phone, and a great view.10 June 2015
But still… 3 hours… erk.10 June 2015
Looks like I might be able to board in half an hour. My three hour dither hasn’t felt too long at all.10 June 2015
At last, the final leg. Motorway is empty, taxi is barrelling along nicely.10 June 2015

I suppose I could have left some of those out, but this is one of those rare occasions where I’ve tweeted prolifically in a very short space of time, so it felt like it was worth retaining for posterity.

The list of things that may happen to your unattended luggage at the station is growing.1 July 2015

“Unattended items may be removed, destroyed, incinerated, spurned, intimated, patronised, and sent to boarding school, without warning.”

I’m wearing Thursday socks on a Wednesday. If the apocalypse happens today, I apologise.15 July 2015
Wearing Thursday’s socks on Wednesday seems to have caused @erzsebel to cook Thursday’s dinner a day early too. Interesting effect.15 July 2015

Ah yes, from back when I used to have day-of-the-week socks.

Cat Goes Camping
16 July 2015

If Bernard’s tent needed drying out after we got back from camping, we’d put it up in the back garden. Maisy’s reaction: “for me? Thanks!”

Really looking forward to my next gig and giving my “new” wireless kit a proper test.17 July 2015
It’ll be all “where did the bassist go to?” and then five minutes later I’ll return from the bar, without missing a note.17 July 2015

I went through a bit of a phase of using wireless on stage. It works well on large stages, where I can wander about a bit, and is useful during sound check for going out front to hear how the band sound, but it comes with its drawbacks too, so I haven’t used it for a while.

One year exactly since we’ve started geocaching. Been slow in recent months, but we’ve hit 450 today.27 July 2015

Ended up losing interest at 861.

The big problem with living on a canal boat would be figuring out where to keep my bass amp.23 August 2015

Our first narrowboat holiday, on the Grand Union Canal. I was fairly prolific during this one too, with copious updates, including these:

A canal boat holiday is a bit like being a snail.27 August 2015
Which means that my biggest fear right now is @MrCraigWard throwing me up into the air on his way home from the pub.27 August 2015

I should hasten to add that it was many decades ago that Craig used to do this, and I imagine that he would not condone such behaviour today.

Parking on the lowest level of Queens Road car park is herein known as “Doing A @Gammidgy13 September 2015

Later refined to “The Gammidgy Gambit”. I still use this term to this day.

Seeing the Tories shitting themselves is almost enough to make me consider taking an interest in politics again.16 September 2015

Just a reminder that we’ve spent the last seven years getting excited about the imminent demise of the Conservative party.

A pigeon on a lamp post definitely just tried to deliberately shit on me. Let rip exactly as I walked under. Missed by just a few cm.21 September 2015

All birds are bastards.

Rite of passage today as the three of us went for our first bike ride as a family. It was ace.4 October 2015

When I wrote this, I think perhaps I anticipated that this might become a regular thing. It did not.

Shaved with a new soap this evening. Lovely lather, shame I can’t enjoy the aroma thanks to this stinking cold.10 October 2015

At some point I started shaving with a double-edged safety razor. Within a short space of time I accumulated a colossal stash of shaving soaps, probably enough to last me the rest of my life.

My “never refuse a mint” policy lets me down when it turns out that it’s actually chewing gum.15 October 2015

The “never refuse a mint” policy was a piece of wisdom imparted to me from my dad.

A postal service we can all be very proud of.
29 October 2015

The mind boggles.

Got a new envelope filter on its way – looking forward to some awesome squelchy bass funkitude.31 October 2015

October had quite a few tweets about the evolution of my pedalboard.

Finally managed to pull off the elusive behind-the-back shot without just bruising my calves instead! #squash7 November 2015

Karen and I used to play a bit of squash on Saturday mornings, back when Bernard was doing karate.

We’re about to watch The Princess Bride with the boy for the first time. Conceivable.20 November 2015

I’m not sure if they were as impressed as I’d been hoping they’d be. The dozen tweets that follow this one are all quotes from the show, lifted verbatim, and they’re all superb. I’m not going to repost them here, just like I’m not going to repost all the various quotes from the episodes of Game Of Thrones that we were watching during the year.

Cat is getting weirder.
29 November 2015

Maisy got super-weird in her later years, and I loved every moment of it.

Y’see, the word “paella” implies that it’s a type of female pie. BUT IT’S REALLY NOT.4 December 2015

Or isn’t it?

I’ve installed an app on my phone where I put toys in my garden to entice random cats to come and visit. No shame.7 December 2015

Gasp! Neko Atsume! Anyone remember that? Many tweets followed while I was playing this game, including:

The cardboard box that I placed on the table has attracted precisely zero attention so far. Give it time, give it time.7 December 2015
We have a cat in the box! I repeat, we have a cat in the box! Oh, those of you who didn’t believe, you’re not laughing now, are you?7 December 2015
I got Joe DiMeowgio! #NekoAtsume10 December 2015
And now @erzsebel has succumbed to the temptation of #NekoAtsume. The entire household is “playing” it.12 December 2015

Into the last few days of the year…

Okay, little science experiment here. RT if you’ve ever seen a pigeon or other bird.29 December 2015

This cheap shot at gaining some retweets was deservedly completely ignored by the world.

“Around the survivors, a perimeter, create.”31 December 2015

Ah, I guess this was the era where we were introducing Bernard to Star Wars in anticipation of going to see The Force Awakens. This particular line jumped out at me as being hideously awkward in its forced Yodaness.

And this brings 2015 to an end. Thanks for sharing it with me!

  • Comments: 1
  • You imply in this post that 2015 was the first time I cooked you enchiladas WTF. - Karen
November 23, 2022

Twitter Highlights from 2014

The first tweet in the previous instalment was cat-related, and so is this one.

My fucking cat with the fucking “mrow” and the fucking scrit scrit scrit and the fucking everything else.4 January 2014

She was a lovely cat really, I was just having a bad day.

We habitually leave a snack out for the boy’s pre-breakfast
10 January 2014

So classy.

I also had a bit of a tradition in January of taking a week off work, to use up my holiday allowance (my job at the time had a holiday year that started at the beginning of February). Karen and I would often spend this time having a bit of a film marathon.

Every 5 minutes @erzsebel says “THIS is the scariest bit of the book.” #LOTR.13 January 2014
Down in front! #LOTR
13 January 2014
Silly fucking entmoot #LOTR.13 January 2014
“That doesn’t make sense to me, but then, you are very small.” #LOTR.13 January 2014
The beacons are lit! Gondor calls for aid! #LOTR.16 January 2014
Nearing the end. Stop at eagles? #LOTR.16 January 2014

I suspect we probably did not stop at eagles.

I’m onto a winner
16 January 2014

Leave a comment with your best-scoring word from these letters.

The beard is gone. Too much plucking these last two days resulted in a bald patch in a prominent place. Sorry, beard fans.21 January 2014

I’m sure you’re glad to know the latest in the beard saga.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
A syringe of diarrhoea up your urethra
The Aristocrats14 February 2014

This year’s valentine’s day tweet is nowhere near as adorable as the previous ones, and might well be one of the most revolting things I’ve ever written.

Snappy III: The Snappening
8 March 2014

I went through a couple of venus fly traps prior to this one, but I believe that this is the one that still lives happily in my conservatory to this day, and is very healthy indeed. Eight years!

@erzsebel just made a face like a person who had accidentally swallowed a fly. Turns out she had accidentally swallowed a fly.14 March 2014

She’s better now.

Things to do for me and Bernard today. I reckon we’ll manage about a third of it.
15 March 2014

I’m loving this one, partly because it reminds me of that lovely little blackboard that we used to have, and also because it’s a little snapshot of the sorts of things we used to (and, in some cases, still) do.

Hmmm, suspect my ISP might have started throttling bit torrent. Ah well, I’ve been considering leaving them for a while now.29 March 2014

Indeed I did, and I’m glad I did, because I’ve been with A&A ever since and they are awesome.

Last night I watched a film with my dad. He says it was the first Leonardo di Caprio film he’d ever seen. It had lots of boobs in it.6 April 2014

Everyone has their own version of the “inappropriate film with a family member” story. I have two. I have the one above (Wolf of Wall Street, in case you’re watching). And the other, far worse one, was Total Recall with my grandad back when I was in my early teens. In case you’re wondering which scene in particular, does the phrase “Mmmm you make me wish I had three hands” ring any bells?

That’s what SHE said.
4 May 2014

As always, there’s the traditional livetweeting of Eurovision in May, but I don’t copy those in here because sentences like “Loving the perspective on the postcard #denmark” don’t really mean much to anyone.

My plucking habit got out of control again. I am once more beardless.22 May 2014

Apparently I neglected to update you when the beard returned. I have been remiss.

Sometimes Louis Armstrong sounds like he’s talking to a baby.24 May 2014

Uh, what?

Ababadooby boobydabo24 May 2014

Ah okay thanks for explaining.

Mother in law just said “this is about the best pork I’ve ever had” and I managed to keep a straight face. Go me.25 May 2014

So I reckon you’ve probably been reading through this blog post at a fairly quick pace, right? I suggest you pause and let this one percolate for a bit. Enjoy the giggle, you’ve earned it.

I had this idea for a cartoon last night. Perhaps a more competent artist could do it justice.
15 June 2014

No likes, no favourites. Honestly, I think this is severely underrated.

Alright stop…
19 July 2014

It’s moderately amusing, but is it a highlight? Hmmm, maybe I should raise my standards a bit.

When I see the name Caleb, I can’t help but mentally reverse the order of the letters to see if it makes more sense.8 October 2014

Throwing this out there in case there’s anyone else who goes through the same.

Heh, I just identified Joe Pantoliano in a 1981 episode of M*A*S*H. It was the voice, mainly.12 October 2014

Identifying actors is one of my superpowers. You know, the “what have we seen them before in?” game. I rock at that. This one was one of my crowning achievements.
2014 was also the year that I started making let’s plays videos on YouTube, so some of my tweets during this year were links to new videos, until I set up a separate twitter account for that sort of thing.

We had a meeting at work today about version control systems. Management clearly felt awkward pronouncing “git” so called it G I T instead.4 November 2014

I swear, I honestly believe that this is the reason why we ended up picking Mercurial instead.

This gig isn’t exactly what I was expecting.7 November 2014
Now the choir is singing “I Want To Know What Love Is”.7 November 2014
Hope that answers any questions.7 November 2014

This was one of the most badly-run events I’ve ever played at. It was a decent venue, but the compere would introduce each band as soon as the previous one had finished. Which was fine if it was just a choir shuffling on, but most of the acts were rock bands who would take at least 20 minutes to set up their gear. It was terrifically awkward.

The tail end of the year had a surprising amount of livetweeting of The Apprentice episodes.

And then a huge crowd of angels appeared to Mary and Joseph, saying “lol”9 December 2014

This got a like and a retweet, and I have absolutely no idea why. I think it’s possible that I wrote this while sat in the school nativity performance, and it had been “modernised” in a very cringeworthy way, in which case the like and retweet probably came from Karen, who was sat next to me. I base this theory on the tweets that came immediately afterwards:

Changing the lyrics to “Oh What A Night” to make it nativity-themed gets points, shame about the dry delivery.9 December 2014
Come on kids, shake it.9 December 2014
“What a baby, what a night”9 December 2014

This all rings a vague bell.

The interesting thing about the word phthalates is that it’s a quick way of finding out how much saliva a person generates.12 December 2014

There we go, I think that more than makes up for the MC Hammer joke earlier, right?

I’m eating Matt’s poppadom because he’s a coelacanth.13 December 2014

Just chucking this in there in case anyone else finds this kind of word play as amusing as I do. No? Never mind.

Also, Roy Batty is one of the worst names for a villain ever. Sounds more like one of your dad’s golfing buddies. #BladeRunner19 December 2014

This got loads of likes and retweets, right? Right?

Quick survey of opinion: which bird is the bigger bastard? Cuckoo or magpie? I hate them both, they’re gits.20 December 2014

Definitely magpies.

We’ve got a tree. It leans a little. At the time of writing, it’s still upright. I stress that this is only AT THE TIME OF WRITING.21 December 2014
It’s exactly the right height for Bernard to stand precariously on tiptoes while he tries to put everything on the top branch.21 December 2014
There was some disagreement at the tree shop. Turns out @erzsebel and I have v contrasting opinions about what constitutes the perfect tree.21 December 2014
Of course, when the tree does fall, it’ll be because the cat “investigated” too thoroughly.21 December 2014

I have a fake tree that I purchased in 2002 that has been used most years since, though this was one of the rare years where we decided to splurge on a real one.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Shit bollocks no fuck wait a bit31 December 2014

That one was sent at about 8pm.

HAPPY NEW aw crap I did it again didn’t I. Sit tight, I’ll get this eventually…31 December 2014

That one at 9pm

Moon looks good tonight. Taken with a Nexus 4.
31 December 2014
Of course, the fact that I’m holding the Nexus 4 up to @Gammidgy‘s astronomical telescope helps.31 December 2014

And that’s the last one for the year! Hope you’ll come back for the next instalment.

  • Comments: 1
  • Ah, the Joe Pantiliano ID, that really was a moment. Still brings back happy memories. - Karen
November 21, 2022

Twitter Highlights from 2013

No New Years Resolution this time, but I do squeeze this lovely little report into the end of January:

By grabbing the cat’s tail and tickling Karen’s ear with it, I can attain new levels of efficiency by annoying both of them simultaneously.29 January 2013

In February there was a big kerfuffle in the news about the meat in supermarket ready meals not being quite as advertised:

What percentage of my pork pie do you think is horse?15 February 2013
Burrito cat #burrito #cat #burritocat.
20 February 2013

One of my favourite photos of Maisy. Look at me having fun with filters too. And the whole supermarket meat thing is still going on in March.

Going for fish and chips shortly. Wondering about the likelihood of my haddock being 70% seahorse.2 March 2013

That’s a half-decent pun, nice one me. Still on a food theme:

Little known musical fact: Phil Collins’ “No Jacket Required” is actually a concept album about mashed potato.3 March 2013
How dare Google cancel something that I actually use!14 March 2013

Based on the date, I assume that this is with reference to Google Reader. The internet was never the same again.

400,000 species of beetle, yet coincidentally they all have one thing in common: a metal pin through their backs.17 March 2013

This joke almost seems too good to have been original. Did I steal this from someone?

More “shit”s and “bastard”s in Back To The Future than I remembered. Wonder if the 6yo has heard these words before.17 March 2013

Ah the perils of parenting, and the uncertainty of that PG certificate.

I’ve finished my bottle of Glenmorangie. There is now a space on the shelf #scotch #timeToGoShopping27 March 2013

This was in the midst of my “single malt scotch” phase, which would eventually be replaced by my “acid reflux” phase and my “heart arrhythmia” phase.

I did not know, when I woke up this morning, that I’d be seeing a synchrotron today. Bet you’re all jealous now.6 April 2013

Ah this was a cool day – out of the blue Gammidgy contacted me and said he was going to Diamond Light Source for a tour that afternoon and asked if I wanted to come along.

Ah, politicians. Snipe and bitch and belittle and complain while your opponent is alive, mandatory day of love once they die.10 April 2013

Margaret Thatcher, I presume.

I just reserved my mammoth. Hands off. It’s my fucking mammoth. Get away from it you bastard.12 April 2013

Mammoth was the social network that, briefly, was going to replace Twitter.

Legoland is shit today. Exhibit one: the Enchanted Forest has been pruned.
13 April 2013
Legoland is shit today. Technical difficulties inhibiting The Pirates of Skeleton Fucking Bay.13 April 2013
Legoland is shit today. Loads of closures, some planned, some not.13 April 2013
Legoland is shit today. Only 2pm and we’re already considering going home.13 April 2013
Legoland is shit today. Sky Rider was working earlier, now it’s busted.
13 April 2013

Small boy: “Hills. Hills are always sick. You have to get away from hills.”

You didn’t want context, right?13 April 2013

Back when I referred to my offspring as Small Boy, we had annual passes to Legoland and spent a lot of time there, generally traipsing round the same few attractions every time.

I’m bored, anyone want to come over to play Pin The Rucksack On The Ocelot? You’ll have to bring your PTROTO set though, I’ve lost mine.24 April 2013

I’m so random.

Hey, remember that mammoth thing that everyone was creaming themselves over two weeks ago? What happened with that?1 May 2013

Didn’t last long, did it?

Teaching my dad to copy and paste never gets old. Oh. Wait.20 May 2013

I feel like at this point I’m starting to become self-aware of how often I tweet this.

When the cat buries her nose in my armpit and takes lots of sharp breaths, I’m never quite sure what to make of it.26 May 2013

Yeah you do. She’s just a weirdo.

My cat food brings all the cats to the kitchen, and they’re like, MRAAAAOIIIWWWWWW.27 May 2013
I cle1aned my keybo1ard. I think th1at I m1ay h1ave to buy 1a new keybo1ard. !And 1all I w1anted to do w1as give it 1a new le1ase of life.11 June 2013

I can confirm that this was not me “doing a bit”. It was fine once it dried out a bit more.
During the middle of this year there were numerous tweets about the station refurbishment in town. One of my concerns was about ticket barriers – the old station had never had ticket barriers, and the new main building definitely would. However, there was little communication about what would happen to the secondary entrance. Would they install ticket barriers there too? Or would they close it off entirely? Since that was the entrance I used, I was understandably concerned.

The first aid kit in our office is so old and rarely used that I think there might be leeches and a trepanning drill down there somewhere.5 July 2013

I then went out drinking, and on this occasion was being a pretentious drunk:

One of my favourite things about 2am is that feeling of having the streets to yourself. Depending on where you live, I suppose.6 July 2013
And the sound of bass escaping a late night pub, people drinking in the hope of finding something, or losing something.6 July 2013
A part of me wants to go closer, to engage, but I know that the reality of it will be not as poetic as I want it to be.6 July 2013

Give it a rest, will you? Arsehole.

@erzsebel‘s plan to go to the ice bar might have found a hitch. She’s wearing flip flops. I love this woman so much.2 August 2013
Deposits2 October 2013
Um… that’s not what I meant to say.2 October 2013

Another one of those odd incidents where I feel like I didn’t really follow through completely.

I have more clothes than I need. At no time is this more apparent than when trying to choose what jumper to put on.11 October 2013

Since then, things have gotten worse, not better.

Sometimes I find myself mesmerised by the smell of my own armpits.23 October 2013

Well at least now we know where the cat gets it from.

I need to stop absentmindedly plucking my beard hairs. I’ll get bald spots.25 October 2013

As predicted, yes I did get bald spots. I’ve stopped doing it now though.

…my son will have sushi and Yorkshire pudding, please. #OhGodWhatIsHeEating
28 October 2013

Back in simpler times, when a Pan-Asian buffet restaurant didn’t seem like the most unhygienic thing in the world.

The cash machine was dispensing only fivers. This seems like a really big deal to me, worthy of tweeting.29 October 2013

Back when we used to go to restaurants, I really liked having a decent stockpile of £5 notes in my wallet to leave as tips.

In an attempt to stop my absent-minded beard-plucking problem, I have purchased a small comb for £3.60.7 November 2013
Now I’m obsessively combing my beard. Not sure if I’d call this an improvement.7 November 2013

As you can see, the whole beard-plucking thing was a big deal for me at the time.

My favourite bit of @erzsebel‘s exercise regime is the naked stretches afterwards. Oops, was I not supposed to mention that? How indiscreet.9 November 2013

I didn’t ask her permission before including that tweet in this article, because she might have said no.

I have been forced to deal with the bald patches (brought on by my terrible beard-plucking habit) by going Full Gordon Freeman.21 November 2013

I’m still going on about the beard thing.

Maisy is enthralled by nature documentaries. She also likes The Good Wife.
24 November 2013
Crisp dust
Raining down
On my face
I tip the packet up
Oh yeah
I tip the packet up
Right up.4 December 2013

Stretching the boundaries of poetry again, I see.

I’ve figured out why I have communication issues with my cat. She’s Danish. Problem solved.7 December 2013

But how do you know that she’s Danish? Don’t leave us ha…

How do I know, I hear you ask. She doesn’t watch the subtitles when Borgen is on. QED.7 December 2013

Ahhhhh yeah that adds up.

He sees when you are sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He’s implementing filters on your internet connection. Wake up, sheeple!24 December 2013

We’re nearly at the end of the year. What nugget of wisdom will I finish the year on?

My stubborn splinter, after 24 hours, seems to have either popped out by itself, or has gone underground and is making for my aorta.31 December 2013

And then five years later I started experiencing afibrillations. Coincidence? Who knows.

November 19, 2022

Twitter Highlights from 2012

We get off to a classy start:

My resolution for 2012 is to spend more time with my face buried in Karen’s cleavage.1 January 2012

A nice little pair:

Roundabouts on A46 y’day, sun low in the sky, white lines invisible. Singing to @erzsebel “I have no idea what I’m doing!” She loved that.3 January 2012
I hate hate hate having to gibberishify a story so it fits into 140 characters. Maybe I should go back to blogging.3 January 2012
I nearly deleted my Facebook account yesterday, but then got worried that it might seek retribution, and lost my nerve.10 January 2012

You’ll be pleased to know that I did eventually gather my fortitude and delete my Facebook account.

My pizza bases aren’t normally this perfectly round. It’s terrifying.12 January 2012

That sure is one super-round pizza base, perfectly proportioned to the stone. Well done, me. Well done.

I’ve finally decided that it’s time to retire the jeans that randomly unzip themselves. It’s mindboggling that it took me this long.27 January 2012
Once it happened at an audition. Most recently, in the presence of my kid’s headteacher. Liability Jeans.27 January 2012

The audition in question was in early 2010. I continued wearing the liability jeans for two years. Two years!

Sequels I’m looking forward to in 2012: GTA5, Max Payne 3, Silent Hill Downpour. Might also give Mass Effect 3 a try.30 January 2012

Of these, the only one that I actually tried was GTA5, and that wasn’t until 2019. At the time that I wrote this tweet, I still had a working XBox 360. It died a few months later, and then in early 2014 I got back into PC gaming in a big way.

@erzsebel Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got the latest episode of How I Met Your Mother for us to watch this evening.14 February 2012
@erzsebel Roses are red, violets are red. You are red, and I’m thinking I should see an optometrist.14 February 2012

These little valentine’s day tweets are cute, aren’t they?

Guys, guys, guys. I’ve got an unopened box of treasury tags. We’ve just *got* to think of something awesome to do with them.9 March 2012

You may have noticed that some of my favourite tweets are the ones that I look back on and just think “…wait, what?”

The headline “Armed police seal off seafront” makes me think of a marine mammal with a badge and a gun, sited near, but not on, the beach.13 March 2012
“You won’t like me when I’m angry. No-one likes me when I’m angry. In fact, no-one likes me at all. Leave me alone.” – The Incredible Sulk11 April 2012

Quality jokes here, people.

I just mistook a coworker’s head for a cat. Fortunately, I realised my mistake very quickly, so no-one will ever know.17 April 2012

One of the fantastic things about the 140 character limit is all of the questions that are left unanswered. Like, at the point at which I was still under the delusion that my co-worker’s head was a cat, did I… attempt to stroke it? Try to feed it fish? Open the back door for it? We’ll never know!

Just explained copying and pasting to my dad for the 852nd time.21 April 2012

I think I’m probably exaggerating slightly here.

For the sake of my reputation, please promise you’ll never retweet anything of mine that contains spwllung mistkaes.11 May 2012

No-one liked or retweeted this.

Hey, dya know what I miss about my childhood? Buying blank tapes.13 May 2012

Another bit of nostalgia-bait that failed to elicit any likes or retweets.

It’s a universally accepted truth that one of the best ways to start your day is with a collection of small piles of cat vomit.16 May 2012

Oh but THIS gets a like? Fine, I see how it is.

It’s a long time since you’ve looked at your nipples. Properly looked at them. A good, long stare. You should do that sometime.17 May 2012

I wrote this. I wrote THIS. I WROTE this. I can’t tell whether this is glorious, or one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read. I can’t stop looking at it. Argh and now I’m looking at my nipples. I can’t take my eyes off of them!

I assert that the most ticklish place in the universe is the roof of my mouth.18 June 2012

Have you tried it? Tip of your tongue, get stuck in there. It’s electric for me, how is it for you?

If the person that I just sneezed on is out there, I’m sorry about that.26 June 2012
I would have apologised in person, but you ran away very quickly.26 June 2012

Ah now this I remember. I was on the train home, and I felt a big sneeze coming, so I covered my mouth to redirect it away from the person sat next to me. Unfortunately, it was a crowded train, so it just ended up being redirected onto another person. She made a horrified face, stood up, and dashed off, and I don’t blame her one little bit. This was 7 years before covid, but even then, it was disgusting.

Karen’s new HTC One S makes my old HTC Wildfire look a clunkety old piece of pants. Eagerly anticipating Upgrade o’clock.14 August 2012

If you want to know more about my history of mobile phones, I have written the following articles:

Toast, you are in me.15 September 2012

Apparently, I very briefly became one of those intolerable arseholes who tweets the minutiae of their morning routine. Thankfully it didn’t last.

Imagine looking in the mirror, opening your mouth, and a daddy long-legs slowly walking out.

Sweet dreams, kids.21 September 2012

I guess I just had a horrific thought out of nowhere and then wanted to make sure I wasn’t the only person suffering.

No-one liked or retweeted this.

Watching Firefly for the first time. I wasn’t expecting it to be so much like Cowboy Bebop.24 September 2012

If this reads like praise, that’s because it is.

My son is sat on the toilet singing “Happy Birthday”. Periodically the singing pauses, there’s some grunting, and singing resumes.20 October 2012

Karen said I shouldn’t post this one, but I beg to differ. Later on the same day:

Lemur rhymes with demur, right? Right?20 October 2012

It’s one of those thoughts that I’ve always found it hard to shake. Like how vestige should really rhyme with prestige.

Just taught copy and paste to my dad. About eight times now.11 November 2012

853rd time, surely?

3/3 …had to change my trousers right there in front of all the bishops! Top that story, if you can!30 November 2012

Once upon a time, people only used Twitter for short, 140 character messages. Then some atrocious excuse for a human invented the “thread”. We all know where that ended up. This was one of my early, dirty, protests, and I think history proved me to be in the right.

I was clearly drunk on the train on the way home on 2 December, because I posted this sequence:

Just got told off for having my shoes on the seats. Yeah, I’m the bad boy. THE BADDEST BOY.2 December 2012
For my next trick, I’m gonna… actually, I have no idea. What do the kids do these days when they want to antagonise train attendants?2 December 2012
Anyone here from Weybridge? no? Nvm.2 December 2012
Good evening Weybridge. How are you all doing. That’s great, that’s great.2 December 2012

And then…

I think I just trod on a snail.2 December 2012

And the last noteworthy tweet of the year was:

I’m a little poorly. My head isn’t working quite right. You can tell because I just said “dildo” to my boss.20 December 2012

Part of the fun of reviewing these tweets is playing the “did that really happen, or did I make that up?” game. But then another part of the fun of reviewing these tweets is playing the “yep, that definitely happened, I remember it as if it was yesterday” game.

And that’s all for 2012, but there’s a beaut coming up in January 2013.

  • Comments: 3
  • I never realised until now how much my life is defined by the intensity and nature of my s... - Pete
  • They should have their own twitter account. They should be the last thing left on twitter. - Karen
  • Your *$£^ing sneezes. - Karen
November 17, 2022

Twitter Highlights From 2011

Continuing the series…

@erzsebel Creeper phone sock is currently at #6 on the front page of /r/minecraft, and rising. #minecraft #knitting31 January 2011

Back when I played Minecraft, before it was cool, Karen knitted me a creeper phone sock (and subsequently some matching creeper socks for my feet too).

This cold is a big one. I just sneezed on the wall. I think I managed to clean it up before anyone noticed.9 February 2011

I want to believe that this was one of those occasions where I made up a story for hyperbolic effect. I do that a lot. But every now and then I slip something truthful in, and it terrifies me to think that this might be one of those.

Argh acid reflux. Feels like there’s a pie stuck in my throat. An evil pie.10 February 2011
Cripes. The Fortune Theatre might be the steepest thing I’ve ever sat in.10 February 2011

These two tweets together on the same day leave no doubt in my mind that this was the day we went to see The Woman In Black. I remember having a bottle of Gaviscon in my bag that day, and swigging from it frequently.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I picked up some Scrumpy Jack yesterday and I’m confident that that’s enough to satisfy you.14 February 2011

Presented without comment.

App tabs in Firefox 4 are nifty-spifty.16 March 2011

followed by:

This image might explain it: – look in the top left corner.16 March 2011

While that image link does still work at the time of writing this, I want to embed the image below as well, just in case, because this is what web browsers looked like in 2011 and it’s glorious:

One pork pie in the lunchbox: that’s a good day. Today is a two pork pie day.25 March 2011

I had to cut down on my pork pie intake due to health reasons. This tweet was from a simpler time, back when I was barely into my thirties and could eat whatever I wanted.

A pair of delightful idiots.2 April 2011

Lots of nostalgia in that photo, including a cat who is sadly no longer with us.

Fuck yeah sausage sandwich.11 April 2011

Some things never change.

@notch My girlfriend raised the point that Minecrafters are at risk of scurvy. We need occasional apple drops from tree leaves.1 May 2011

If you’ve ever wondered where the idea for apple drops from trees in Minecraft came from, it was me.

Last night I dreamed the most beautiful song in the world. In my dream I cried because I knew I wouldn’t be able to remember it when I woke.23 May 2011

Dreaming the most perfect song in the world is something that happens to me quite frequently. The bit about crying though – that was a special occasion.

And in case you’re wondering, no this is not one of those occasions where I made up a story. This happened, and I remember it happening. Sadly, I do not remember the song.

Car in the garage. I sense it will be one of those quick jobs, where they are calling me to come and collect it before I even get to work.10 June 2011

…wait for it…

Glad I didn’t cancel the AA membership then.11 June 2011
Oh jaffa cake, oh jaffa cake. How hev’nly are your jaffae.18 June 2011

It’s not profound or anything, but it does possess a certain beauty.

In July there are a few tweets and retweets about the News Of The World hacking scandal, and also some stuff about my home brewed beer.

TIL some people use *three* spaces after a full stop.16 August 2011

Sounds like it must have been a bad day.

Pub lunch. Pub dinner. That is how you know you are on holiday.26 August 2011
Ignore my last tweet. We have added a pub breakfast to the sequence. Wondering if we are going to shoot for four in a row.27 August 2011

That’s some pretty good holidaying there, 2011 Pete.

My cat woke me in the night by kissing me on the arm. Cute, but weird.12 September 2011

Maisy was such an adorable little bundle.

We’re having the fireplace ripped out today. I’ve discovered hidden treasure under the mantelpiece. 5 October 2011

After having the bedroom redone the previous year, in 2011 we did the living room. I was particularly tickled by this pair of glasses that had been left inside the old fireplace, and wondered about the person who left them there, and whether they spent the rest of their life wondering where that pair of glasses could have got to.

Lambda is my favourite Greek letter. It always makes me want to dance.7 November 2011

And now I’ve got that song in my head.

Going to be living under the Water Tank of Damocles for 5 days. Contains scenes of aquatic peril.10 November 2011

We discovered a split in the cold water tank in our attic, which we then had replaced. I remember the plumber working quite late one evening to get the job finished, for which I’ve been forever grateful.

Tonights pizza is far from circular. But noone is looking too hard.25 November 2011
Strangely, it also tastes uncircular. If you can imagine such a flavour.25 November 2011

No, I can’t, and I refuse to believe that 2011 Pete could either. I think he was just being a tease.

Being a teenage girl must be exhausting, what with all the shrieking.29 December 2011

And, to finish off the year:

I was poised to condemn the dining options at Kings Cross. And then I remembered – pasties!30 December 2011

The first tweet for 2012 is a beaut, but you’ll have to wait until the next instalment to find out what it is!

  • Comments: 2
  • The reflux in 2011 was very much an isolated occurrence, I don't think it had any relation... - Pete
  • I have commentary. Firstly, your sneezes have since become legendARY, so I can quite beli... - Karen
November 16, 2022

Twitter Highlights From 2010

With the absolute state of Twitter right now, I’m probably not the only person bracing for impact. One of my minor regrets is putting so much good content over there, instead of over here. When I discovered how easy (albeit slow) it is to obtain an extract of all your data, I felt that there was only one thing to do – collate a few highlights over here.

Here’s my first tweet:

Of course, when people ask me if I have a twitter account, I can now no longer say “yeah, I had one of those, back in 2007”12 March 2010

Because I actually created my first Twitter account back in ’07, and then deleted it because I thought that Twitter was just a fad that would never take off. A fine joke on me.

I need to get out more – last night’s trip to the corner shop for sellotape filled me with excitement and danger. It should not have.24 March 2010

I have no idea why this was so exciting for me at the time, but the lack of details is part of the mystery. No-one liked or retweeted it.

On April 7 I livetweeted the live coverage of the debate about the Digital Economy Act, including a few rants about my local MP for not doing more to stop it. Despite stating that he was against it, he didn’t turn up for the vote. I challenged him about this on his blog, and he said that the reason why he turned up was that it wouldn’t have made any difference. I was disappointed with this response, and his implication that there’s no point voting if you think you won’t win.

Caught the sun at the #stockcars this afternoon. What a truly awesome Sunday.18 April 2010

It’s a long time since I’ve been to the stock cars. The smell! The sounds! The cheap hot dogs!

Ah, the sound of air brakes overhead. Normalcy is resumed.21 April 2010

This tweet completely out of context, was about the eruption of Eyjafjallajökull in Iceland, and the total shutdown of airspace that followed as a result.

The following day I livetweeted the general election leaders’ debate, including this delightful gem:

I can hear cats arguing outside. How apt. #leadersdebate #rwoowaarawrwoororo22 April 2010
There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation why “BROBOT BUNNY” appears on my credit card statement this month.18 May 2010

Yet I guess I never felt the need to share what that explanation might be.

Carcassonne is supposedly suitable for ages 10+. I have a 3 year old here who would beg to differ.19 May 2010

I was such an insufferably smug parent.

This week is going to be a big blur of wardrobes, carpets, laminate flooring and network cabling. Everything is out, in, up or down.19 July 2010

We had our bedroom redone. I took the opportunity to get under the floorboards and lay a bit of ethernet cable, which has continued to prove useful to this day. This was my first time doing laminate flooring, and while I got pretty decent at it by the end of the room, those first few widths were poorly done, and haunt me to this day.

My tweeting frequency then dropped off for the remaining months of the year, consisting mainly of miscellaneous humorous links and retweets and exchanges with my other friends on the platform.

My final tweet of the year:

“Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?” #douglasadams10 December 2010
October 2, 2022

Pandemic Legacy: Season Two

Back in February, we finished our playthrough of Pandemic Legacy Season One. It took us a bit longer than planned, as a certain real-world pandemic hampered our capability to get together to play. So now, with another wave of a certain real-world pandemic looming, it felt like a really smart time to embark upon the second season.

The first thing I was surprised by was the fairly significant gameplay differences to the previous season. Whereas Season One takes the core gameplay elements from the non-legacy game (you have four independent diseases and need to move around a world map, finding cures for them), Season Two throws that out the window.

The setting for this game is that it’s 70 years after a cataclysmic world-changing pandemic, and most of humankind are managing to escape it by living in offshore havens. So huge change number one is that instead of starting with the entire world to play with, you just have access to the Atlantic Ocean and Mediterranean Sea, with 3 offshore havens and 9 coastal cities. More areas will be unlocked as we progress through the game.

The second huge change is that instead of managing four rampant diseases, there is now only one disease, and you need to maintain supplies in all the various locations to prevent it from appearing at all. If a mere 8 disease cubes make it onto the board, then it’s game over, and there is no way to remove the cubes once they are there. Whereas in the base game you collect city cards of the same colour in order to find the cure for diseases, in this game you collect city cards of the same colour in order to build supply centres.

Thankfully, the game developers include instructions for a non-destructive “prologue” mode to allow you to familiarise yourself with the new rules, without starting the legacy playthrough proper.

Step one was to name our three havens. We eventually settled on “Gloomfort”, “Helm’s Deep”, and “The Winchester”

Our three havens

Step two was to create our characters. Allow me to introduce them.

Lucius Keswick starts at The Winchester and is an Administrator, which means that once per turn he can move any pawn to the same location as any other pawn. This is a slightly nerfed version of the Dispatcher from the previous game, as the dispatcher could also move other pawns to adjacent locations, and could do this multiple times in a turn.

Paphoestra starts at Gloomfort (erroneously filled in on the character sheet as Gloomhaven) and is a Radio Operator which allows her to transfer supply cubes to and from characters in any location. This is also a free action.

Bez starts at The Winchester and is a Labourer, which means they can build supply centres with just 4 cards instead of 5. However, there is a cost of 2 supply cubes to do this. This is broadly similar to the scientist role in the previous game.

Maggot starts at Helm’s Deep and is a Farmer (of course), and can make supplies and deliver them in a single action, whereas it would normally take two actions.

Finally, Ophelia lives in Helm’s Deep and is an Instructor, which allows her to give any card to another player in her location, not dissimilar to the researcher in the previous game (but again a bit less powerful).

We played two prologue games, of which we won one and lost one. We then had our dinner before settling down to play our first attempt at January. We were given two mandatory objectives:

  1. Build 3 supply centres (same as we had in the prologue)
  2. Recon North America.

To do the second, we’d need to build a supply centre in Washington, and then also spend another three blue city cards there. This would then permanently expand the scope of our game board to include that region of the world.

We were also given the first of our turning point cards, which hang around until the specified criteria are triggered. In this case, once any city drops to zero population, we apply the given instruction at the end of that game.

We picked the following characters:

  • Karen – Ophelia (Instructor)
  • Susan – Bez (Labourer)
  • Gammidgy – Maggot (Farmer)
  • Pete – Lucius (Administrator)

Karen managed to turn up an epidemic card on her first turn, which was terrible luck, and indeed she was also responsible for the majority of epidemics thereafter, which is very suspicious. This first epidemic was in Istanbul. In this game, when an epidemic hits a city, you remove all of the supply cubes from it. Having no supply cubes on a city is dangerous, because then whenever it comes up when drawing infection cards, a plague cube gets put on. As mentioned before, each of these plague cubes takes us 1/8 of the way to losing the game.

After one go round the board, things were moving slowly. Susan had 3 yellows in her hand, which meant she was only one away from being able to build our first supply centre. Already we could see that achieving both mandatory objectives in the game would be a stretch, as we struggled to achieve just one of them when playing the prologue games. However, if we had to prioritise one, then it made sense to prioritise the objective to recon North America, as this would not need to be done a second time.

After our second set of turns, things were still fairly stable. Gammidgy and I were starting to accumulate a few blue cards in our hands.

During our third turn, a second epidemic came up in Istanbul, wiping out all the supply cubes that we’d only just refilled the city with. Susan managed to accumulate the four yellow city cards (plus two supply cubes) to build our first supply centre in Lagos. By the end of this turn, it felt like the number of supply cubes out there was dwindling fast. From the start of the game, when there were 25 out, it had now dropped to 13. A third epidemic in Istanbul meant that there was now a plague cube there.

In good news, however, I had 3 blue cards and 2 blacks in my hand, and Gammidgy had 3 blacks and 2 blues, which meant that as long as we could figure out how to get the cards into the hands of the people who needed them, we were in with a shot. Susan ended a turn in Istanbul – you definitely don’t want to start your turn in a city with a plague cube, as you will pick up a scar and potentially even die immediately, but the administrator’s power is great for extracting characters from dangerous locations.

At this point we counted up the cards in the player deck and realised we only had enough time left for two more turns around the table. We concluded that there was absolutely no way we could achieve both mandatory objectives in this game, so having resigned ourselves to a best-case scenario of just hitting one, we all started to converge on Washington. We had an idea for how we could get enough blue cards into my hand that I would be able to build a supply centre in Washington and perform the recon on my final turn. The next epidemic was in London, and the floodgates were well and truly open. Sao Paulo was in a terrible state. Our plan would only work if we got lucky with the infections – too many disease cubes would spell the end of us.

We managed to pull off the recon mission, but only by the skin of our teeth. Opening the package as instructed gave us the sticker for North America, plus the creation of two new actions.

The new area that we’ll be exploring in the next game (there are no tokens on the board, because I took this photo after we’d already packed away)

The first action is the creation of supply lines. We have to build our own road network! These roads must be drawn on the map in pen, and must be straight lines that don’t cross water or other supply lines. The more cities we link into the road network, the more points we get for game-end upgrades.

The second action concerns “searching”. Some city cards have scratch-off panels on them, and spending an action would allow us to scratch off the panel and see what is underneath. Some cards would yield a one-time instruction, others would give a companion who grants a permanent ability. I guess we’ll learn more about that when we get to try it.

By this time we were sailing very close to the edge so it won’t surprise you to learn that by the end of my turn, we had lost the game. But at least we got the recon complete, so we’ve achieved something positive.

In the game end reckoning, 5 cities have lost population (by dint of having disease cubes in them) and 2 have gained population (by dint of having a supply centre). Lots of new rationed and unrationed event cards (the equivalent of funded and unfunded events in the previous game) have been added to our deck. With 3 points available for game-end upgrades, we decided to give Ophelia the Helmsman perk which would slightly reduce the action point cost for movement.

We didn’t have enough energy left for a second attempt at January, so called it a night. Our conclusions from this first game is that it feels much more difficult than the first season, though we are enjoying the change-up in the game mechanics. This might be a game that we lose at very often.