April 25, 2004

A is for….

Anna, and also for Ann.
‘Anna’, and also ‘Ann’ are, as we say in the business, to give them their technical term, stop me if I’m going too fast; Girl’s Names.
By which we mean – and I’ll try and lay this out in layman’s terms – names belonging to people with (what’s the policy of nasty verbiage on Uborka?.. I forget… Ah, to hell with it….) front bottoms.
That is to say if you happen to find yourself introduced to people called ‘Ann’, or, for that matter ‘Anna’, there’s a fair chance that you’re talking to someone with a twinkle. I would, if I were you, take that as read. If you find yourself in that sort of situation, I’d think you probably shouldn’t have to ask if you can see their ‘fairy’, you can just take it as given that they have one. It’s a name thing.
Names are useful that way.
Except, of course, for when they’re not.
Sometimes boys get given ‘girl names’, perhaps just to look after, perhaps as a cruel joke, perhaps on the ‘whim’ of ‘forward thinking’ (read cruel, inhuman) parents.
Our point, people, is that you cannot always depend on the name to know for sure.
That’s why, this week, we’ll be bringing you a comprehensive A-Z of ‘grills’, so that you’ll be able to tell a boy from a girl by cunning and logic alone, and never have to resort to peeking in peoples pants for reassurance.
Sorry, that was meant to be ‘girls’. Not ‘grills’. Although there are, of course, many similarities between the two.
What might those similarities be?
Well, I’m not saying.
That’s a woman’s perogative. Deal with it.
And that brings us to the end, I think, of seminar number one.
Do hang about now, won’t you…


4 thoughts on “A is for….

  1. I hate to disagree so early, but there are fundamental differences between a girl and a grill. For instance, last time I stuck three slices of bacon under a girl, nothing happened; whereas under a grill, they were done to a turn. Lovely. 🙂

  2. You stuck three slices of bacon under a girl and nothing happened?
    Girls are more tolerant these days.

  3. I remember a wonderful story that started when boy met grill and there was some hot action in the kitchen that night.

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