April 5, 2013


Lords, Ladies, Gentlemen and proles, today’s cocktail hour is brought to you by me, serving as a minion to His Royal Benevolence, Graybo; who, in our darkest hour, has offered with great self-serving, I mean self-sacrifice, to dictate unto us howsoart we ought to live our lives. He begins by urging us all to grow plants and invest in an idea, and save our money overseas, so I think we can see what sort of caribbean island he thinks we should be living on. I for one would be happy if he could just fix the weather. His drink today is a large vodka with lime and soda, a beach drink if ever there was one; but he can’t try it until someone else has safety-tasted it. Any volunteers?

You may have noticed that we got surprisingly political this week, a turn Uborka has never before taken. Winter’s comin’, for sure. The main agitators exhausted themselves yesterday and may have spent most of today lying down, as they haven’t been in for a drink. Meanwhile I’ve written my manifesto as Chairwoman of the Department for the Family, and it will be published next week. My department will include the Office for Sex and Relationships, and I’m putting Lori in charge of that as she seems the best qualified person for the job. Her drink today is an Espresso Martini, which I think she may have made up when she ordered it at ten o’clock this morning.

If you don’t already have a Piña Colada earworm, let me set that off for you now, as you imagine Pete’s dulcet northern tones murmuring it in your ear as you dance around the kitchen ((laters, baby)). He is the Minister for Music, ably assisted by Gert as she swishes up and down her travelator complaining about the noise and sipping her Creme Brulee Martini. Seriously, are there all these sorts of Martini? I thought there was Martini with olives, and Martini without olives because you haven’t been to the shop.

The lean and hungry Mike will be Minister for Communication, because he gets in the newspapers sometimes. Also Minister for Shirts. His drink is a Megalomaniac Manhattan. That’s Original Mike; Another Mike will be Minister for Critical Thinking, which is why he’s having a sensible down to earth not-made-up drink like gin and bitter lemon. The MCT will work closely with Clair, head of the Green Department, keeping on top of the woo. It’s a fine line between descaling your kettle with vinegar, and dowsing for measles using a plastic Harry Potter wand, and I trust that between them, they can manage this. But Clair, keep an eye on your cider, don’t trust him.

Our Minister for Technology and Stuff will be Pixeldiva. She is old but feisty, and could pull the plug out at any time, so we need to be nice to her and keep the port and lemonade coming. And technically speaking, she isn’t old at all.

And that, I believe covers all the important areas of government except the Treasury, to which we shall appoint Asta, because who ever heard of there being a financial crisis in Canada? Plus she’s used to living in Narnia, hence her request for a Snowball.

I believe the politickering will continue for a few more days and then apathy will set back in. I have a few posts about chocolate lined up, so don’t stop watching. Happy weekend!


14 thoughts on “Politicocktails

  1. Me, in charge of money? Hahahahahaaha. You so funny.
    Tasty cocktail, thanks.

  2. Blimey. It really is far too easy to miss cocktails from this side of the Atlantic. I have retrospective sympathy for everyone in the US who used to rush in to the comments section after everyone was already on their second drink muttering about timezones and other frivolous excuses.

  3. What are you having, Stuart? And which Ministry would you like to lead?

  4. I’ll have a martini, please, and the Ministry for Evidence Based Governance.

  5. You’ll be working with Another Mike in the Department for Critical Thinking, then. You should get on just fine.

  6. Well I am most disgruntled that you haven’t saved me even a tiny department. I see the regions will continue to be ignored under the new regime.
    No thank you I don’t want a drink. Huh.

    Lisa on April 5, 2013
  7. Regions?? Is that compatible with global governance?

    Bring forth the homogeneity! Everyone will be the same!

    Besides, I’m a product of the 70s and 80s English education system, so I need the whole world to become English so that I don’t have to order my vodka, lime and soda by pointing and shouting.

  8. I don’t *want* the regions I just want you south-east-centric types to remember there are regions.

    Lisa on April 5, 2013
  9. I thought that when I lived down there. How quickly you forget.

    Lisa on April 5, 2013

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *