November 23, 2022

Twitter Highlights from 2014

The first tweet in the previous instalment was cat-related, and so is this one.

My fucking cat with the fucking “mrow” and the fucking scrit scrit scrit and the fucking everything else.4 January 2014

She was a lovely cat really, I was just having a bad day.

We habitually leave a snack out for the boy’s pre-breakfast
10 January 2014

So classy.

I also had a bit of a tradition in January of taking a week off work, to use up my holiday allowance (my job at the time had a holiday year that started at the beginning of February). Karen and I would often spend this time having a bit of a film marathon.

Every 5 minutes @erzsebel┬ásays “THIS is the scariest bit of the book.” #LOTR.13 January 2014
Down in front! #LOTR
13 January 2014
Silly fucking entmoot #LOTR.13 January 2014
“That doesn’t make sense to me, but then, you are very small.” #LOTR.13 January 2014
The beacons are lit! Gondor calls for aid! #LOTR.16 January 2014
Nearing the end. Stop at eagles? #LOTR.16 January 2014

I suspect we probably did not stop at eagles.

I’m onto a winner
16 January 2014

Leave a comment with your best-scoring word from these letters.

The beard is gone. Too much plucking these last two days resulted in a bald patch in a prominent place. Sorry, beard fans.21 January 2014

I’m sure you’re glad to know the latest in the beard saga.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
A syringe of diarrhoea up your urethra
The Aristocrats14 February 2014

This year’s valentine’s day tweet is nowhere near as adorable as the previous ones, and might well be one of the most revolting things I’ve ever written.

Snappy III: The Snappening
8 March 2014

I went through a couple of venus fly traps prior to this one, but I believe that this is the one that still lives happily in my conservatory to this day, and is very healthy indeed. Eight years!

@erzsebel just made a face like a person who had accidentally swallowed a fly. Turns out she had accidentally swallowed a fly.14 March 2014

She’s better now.

Things to do for me and Bernard today. I reckon we’ll manage about a third of it.
15 March 2014

I’m loving this one, partly because it reminds me of that lovely little blackboard that we used to have, and also because it’s a little snapshot of the sorts of things we used to (and, in some cases, still) do.

Hmmm, suspect my ISP might have started throttling bit torrent. Ah well, I’ve been considering leaving them for a while now.29 March 2014

Indeed I did, and I’m glad I did, because I’ve been with A&A ever since and they are awesome.

Last night I watched a film with my dad. He says it was the first Leonardo di Caprio film he’d ever seen. It had lots of boobs in it.6 April 2014

Everyone has their own version of the “inappropriate film with a family member” story. I have two. I have the one above (Wolf of Wall Street, in case you’re watching). And the other, far worse one, was Total Recall with my grandad back when I was in my early teens. In case you’re wondering which scene in particular, does the phrase “Mmmm you make me wish I had three hands” ring any bells?

That’s what SHE said.
4 May 2014

As always, there’s the traditional livetweeting of Eurovision in May, but I don’t copy those in here because sentences like “Loving the perspective on the postcard #denmark” don’t really mean much to anyone.

My plucking habit got out of control again. I am once more beardless.22 May 2014

Apparently I neglected to update you when the beard returned. I have been remiss.

Sometimes Louis Armstrong sounds like he’s talking to a baby.24 May 2014

Uh, what?

Ababadooby boobydabo24 May 2014

Ah okay thanks for explaining.

Mother in law just said “this is about the best pork I’ve ever had” and I managed to keep a straight face. Go me.25 May 2014

So I reckon you’ve probably been reading through this blog post at a fairly quick pace, right? I suggest you pause and let this one percolate for a bit. Enjoy the giggle, you’ve earned it.

I had this idea for a cartoon last night. Perhaps a more competent artist could do it justice.
15 June 2014

No likes, no favourites. Honestly, I think this is severely underrated.

Alright stop…
19 July 2014

It’s moderately amusing, but is it a highlight? Hmmm, maybe I should raise my standards a bit.

When I see the name Caleb, I can’t help but mentally reverse the order of the letters to see if it makes more sense.8 October 2014

Throwing this out there in case there’s anyone else who goes through the same.

Heh, I just identified Joe Pantoliano in a 1981 episode of M*A*S*H. It was the voice, mainly.12 October 2014

Identifying actors is one of my superpowers. You know, the “what have we seen them before in?” game. I rock at that. This one was one of my crowning achievements.
2014 was also the year that I started making let’s plays videos on YouTube, so some of my tweets during this year were links to new videos, until I set up a separate twitter account for that sort of thing.

We had a meeting at work today about version control systems. Management clearly felt awkward pronouncing “git” so called it G I T instead.4 November 2014

I swear, I honestly believe that this is the reason why we ended up picking Mercurial instead.

This gig isn’t exactly what I was expecting.7 November 2014
Now the choir is singing “I Want To Know What Love Is”.7 November 2014
Hope that answers any questions.7 November 2014

This was one of the most badly-run events I’ve ever played at. It was a decent venue, but the compere would introduce each band as soon as the previous one had finished. Which was fine if it was just a choir shuffling on, but most of the acts were rock bands who would take at least 20 minutes to set up their gear. It was terrifically awkward.

The tail end of the year had a surprising amount of livetweeting of The Apprentice episodes.

And then a huge crowd of angels appeared to Mary and Joseph, saying “lol”9 December 2014

This got a like and a retweet, and I have absolutely no idea why. I think it’s possible that I wrote this while sat in the school nativity performance, and it had been “modernised” in a very cringeworthy way, in which case the like and retweet probably came from Karen, who was sat next to me. I base this theory on the tweets that came immediately afterwards:

Changing the lyrics to “Oh What A Night” to make it nativity-themed gets points, shame about the dry delivery.9 December 2014
Come on kids, shake it.9 December 2014
“What a baby, what a night”9 December 2014

This all rings a vague bell.

The interesting thing about the word phthalates is that it’s a quick way of finding out how much saliva a person generates.12 December 2014

There we go, I think that more than makes up for the MC Hammer joke earlier, right?

I’m eating Matt’s poppadom because he’s a coelacanth.13 December 2014

Just chucking this in there in case anyone else finds this kind of word play as amusing as I do. No? Never mind.

Also, Roy Batty is one of the worst names for a villain ever. Sounds more like one of your dad’s golfing buddies. #BladeRunner19 December 2014

This got loads of likes and retweets, right? Right?

Quick survey of opinion: which bird is the bigger bastard? Cuckoo or magpie? I hate them both, they’re gits.20 December 2014

Definitely magpies.

We’ve got a tree. It leans a little. At the time of writing, it’s still upright. I stress that this is only AT THE TIME OF WRITING.21 December 2014
It’s exactly the right height for Bernard to stand precariously on tiptoes while he tries to put everything on the top branch.21 December 2014
There was some disagreement at the tree shop. Turns out @erzsebel and I have v contrasting opinions about what constitutes the perfect tree.21 December 2014
Of course, when the tree does fall, it’ll be because the cat “investigated” too thoroughly.21 December 2014

I have a fake tree that I purchased in 2002 that has been used most years since, though this was one of the rare years where we decided to splurge on a real one.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Shit bollocks no fuck wait a bit31 December 2014

That one was sent at about 8pm.

HAPPY NEW aw crap I did it again didn’t I. Sit tight, I’ll get this eventually…31 December 2014

That one at 9pm

Moon looks good tonight. Taken with a Nexus 4.
31 December 2014
Of course, the fact that I’m holding the Nexus 4 up to @Gammidgy‘s astronomical telescope helps.31 December 2014

And that’s the last one for the year! Hope you’ll come back for the next instalment.


1 thought on “Twitter Highlights from 2014

  1. Ah, the Joe Pantiliano ID, that really was a moment. Still brings back happy memories.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *