November 25, 2022

Twitter Highlights from 2015

You may recall in December 2014, there was some discussion of a “real” Christmas tree. Well, that saga had one more element to deliver:

This morning was the first time I’ve had to hack a Christmas tree into thirds. Innocence lost.7 January 2015
These 5 jam doughnuts are mine, and I must eat them before school kicks out.23 January 2015

Okay, but… why?

Doughnut #2, here we go.23 January 2015
Doughnut #4 is on the go. I’m going to complete the challenge.23 January 2015
Doughnut #5 is taunting me. It’s going to take great spirit to finish this quest.23 January 2015
It’s the final doughnut (doo doo dooooo doooooo)
23 January 2015
I did it! Five doughnuts! Worship me!23 January 2015

Worship is so very much not the word.

I had a doughnut today. I’m not lying.24 January 2015

Okay, some respect restored.

I asked for something Mexican. I got given heaven.
24 January 2015

It’s a sort of recurring joke in this house that if Karen asks me what I want for dinner, I will say enchiladas. It’s possible that this tweet signifies the origin of all that – the first enchiladas that she cooked me, the ones that established it as the most desirable of dinners.

Okay, I’ve just thought of a new joke. Here it comes. Brace yourselves.24 January 2015
Why do triangles make bad parents? Because they’re never a round.24 January 2015
Ahahahahahaha!24 January 2015

Hey guess how many likes and retweets the joke got? Yep, that’s right. Absolutely fuck all.

The cat’s watching True Detective again.2 February 2015

Maisy’s love of television was a never-ending source of amusement to me.

Recognised Larry Fishburne in M∗A∗S∗H yesterday and Hannibal today. I’m proud of my achievements in the field of Fishburne-detectery.15 February 2015
I mean, obv I don’t expect praise for recognising L.F. in a recent program. But one that’s a few decades old, that’s a tougher challenge.15 February 2015

In case you needed more evidence of my skill at identifying actors. Hmmmm, I’m starting to wonder if this skill isn’t as impressive as I thought it was.

I am lying in bed with a mild hangover and a cat walking to and fro on me.21 February 2015

Firstly: hangovers! Been a while since I’ve had one of those. Secondly: I must admit that I kinda miss how Maisy used to walk on top of me when I was in bed. I’d usually sleep on my side, and she’d then sleep on my hip. Awwwww.

Oh the cat is on me again.21 February 2015

Didn’t take long.

The kind of people I follow on Twitter means that I often see reactions to the subject of the day, but no context. Can get confusing.27 February 2015
In conclusion, there is no dress.27 February 2015

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, this was in response to the famous dress photo that was posted in 2015, where some people saw it as black and blue, and others as white and gold. Yeah, you’re glad I reminded you of that, aren’t you? You’re welcome.

I hate people who subtweet. You know who you are.6 March 2015

This got two likes! A very uncommon achievement for me, at the time.

Can’t bear people who cause confusion by making me think they’re subtweeting me when they’re actually subtweeting someone else.6 March 2015

No likes for this one though, I guess this level of humour is too complex for some.

There’s brewing afoot…
15 April 2015
It’s happening!
15 April 2015

I thought it worth including a couple of photos of some homebrew happening, which I alluded to in a previous instalment.

Really hyped up for enchiladas this evening. I loves me some enchiladas.24 April 2015
Enchilada night. This is for two people. Seulement deux. #enchiladas #ohfuckyeah.
24 April 2015
Mmmm enchiladas are so shamefully delicious.24 April 2015

The enchilada love continues.

I think today might be the day that I bottle up the beer. Having to “interpret” the instructions as I have 3 contradictory versions.25 April 2015
Bottling complete! 17 and a half pints.
25 April 2015

And here’s the conclusion of the homebrew.

The most difficult task in the world is to build a Lego model from the instructions after the pieces have been mixed into the big box.3 May 2015
Did I say “difficult”? I may have meant “masochistic”3 May 2015

I imagine that this could be averted if you had a really good Lego storage system that allowed you to partition pieces by size and colour.

When I feel a cool breeze around my knackers, it reminds me that I should really get around to replacing these jeans.17 May 2015

My propensity for wearing jeans long after I should really have consigned them to the bin continues.

Oooh wifi on the plane. Weren’t like this when I were a lad.24 May 2015
I’m in Okay Italia in Budapest. It’s a bit like a Bella Italia, but instead of being Bella, it’s merely Okay.29 May 2015
Today we’ll be flying Germanwings. I can’t get a certain 1985 soft rock ballad by Mister Mister out of my head.30 May 2015
…and learn to fly again, learn to live so free-ee-ee…30 May 2015
After 12 hours traveling, I had the wherewithal to order a curry while we were still on the train. Which makes for a nice welcome party.30 May 2015

My criteria for including tweets in this blog series are diverse. Sometimes they get in because they’re particularly funny. Sometimes because they capture a moment of the zeitgeist. And sometimes just because they just sit together nicely and create a rudimentary narrative arc, of a holiday in Budapest. Or a work trip to Madrid (settle in, this is a long one):

Airport is nice and quiet at this time of day9 June 2015

(Note that this tweet was posted at 4:36am)

In other news, I wish I was still in bed9 June 2015
Now I’m sat around waiting for security to open. I could have slept in for at least another half hour9 June 2015
Need coffee. Need breakfast.9 June 2015
And America hasn’t even gone to bed yet, eh @autoblography?9 June 2015
Right, security is open. Might as well go and find out what’s open on the other side.9 June 2015
That was quick. Too quick. I literally have an entire hour to kill before I can even board.9 June 2015
Things are looking up – got coffee, got breakfast.9 June 2015
Though I did forget to ask for no chocolate on my cappuccino. See what happens to me at antisocial hours?9 June 2015
My phone screen is now dusted with sugar that fell off the top of my almond croissant. I’m such an uncouth brute.9 June 2015
I’ve got last night’s Game Of Thrones on my phone. Might save it for the flight.9 June 2015
Whiskey shop is open. That’s a tough one to resist.9 June 2015
Found a nice spot where I can watch the runway before I realised that mine is the first flight of the day. So I’m now watching an empty road9 June 2015
Actually, there’s a bit of arrivalling going on, so there’s that.9 June 2015
A really really big plane just landed. I bet it does enormous poos.9 June 2015
And, speaking of enormous poos…9 June 2015
Airport is starting to wake up now9 June 2015

(It’s still only 5:27am)

I have relocated to my gate, after picking up some mints en route. Ecky thump this is some compelling reading, eh?9 June 2015
Maybe I should strike up conversation with one of my fellow passengers-to-be?9 June 2015
I’m now wishing I’d spent more time choosing my seat. 9A sounds so boring. I could have done better.9 June 2015
Come on guys, give me some feedback. I feel like I’m screaming into the void here. Surely I’m not the only one up at 5.30am in the morning?9 June 2015
Tempted to slap on an episode of Cowboy Bebop, but I reckon boarding is imminent.9 June 2015
Boarding now. My plane looks like it only does medium sized poos.9 June 2015

The following morning…

What a strange night I had last night.10 June 2015
It involved a moderately seedy club in Madrid called Toreno10 June 2015
The best thing of all is that I can call it work. Which means I worked a 22 hour day on Tuesday, by my calculations.10 June 2015

Yeah but I spent all of Wednesday hungover…

The bad news – I’ve got over 3 hours to waste at the airport and my flight is already 40 minutes delayed10 June 2015
The good news – I’m not unprepared for this. I have Kindle. I have this week’s Game Of Thrones saved to my phone.10 June 2015
I also have a few hours of Cowboy Bebop episodes saved. So I’m all set for entertainment10 June 2015
I’m in the VIP lounge with free WiFi, a place to charge my phone, and a great view.10 June 2015
But still… 3 hours… erk.10 June 2015
Looks like I might be able to board in half an hour. My three hour dither hasn’t felt too long at all.10 June 2015
At last, the final leg. Motorway is empty, taxi is barrelling along nicely.10 June 2015

I suppose I could have left some of those out, but this is one of those rare occasions where I’ve tweeted prolifically in a very short space of time, so it felt like it was worth retaining for posterity.

The list of things that may happen to your unattended luggage at the station is growing.1 July 2015

“Unattended items may be removed, destroyed, incinerated, spurned, intimated, patronised, and sent to boarding school, without warning.”

I’m wearing Thursday socks on a Wednesday. If the apocalypse happens today, I apologise.15 July 2015
Wearing Thursday’s socks on Wednesday seems to have caused @erzsebel to cook Thursday’s dinner a day early too. Interesting effect.15 July 2015

Ah yes, from back when I used to have day-of-the-week socks.

Cat Goes Camping
16 July 2015

If Bernard’s tent needed drying out after we got back from camping, we’d put it up in the back garden. Maisy’s reaction: “for me? Thanks!”

Really looking forward to my next gig and giving my “new” wireless kit a proper test.17 July 2015
It’ll be all “where did the bassist go to?” and then five minutes later I’ll return from the bar, without missing a note.17 July 2015

I went through a bit of a phase of using wireless on stage. It works well on large stages, where I can wander about a bit, and is useful during sound check for going out front to hear how the band sound, but it comes with its drawbacks too, so I haven’t used it for a while.

One year exactly since we’ve started geocaching. Been slow in recent months, but we’ve hit 450 today.27 July 2015

Ended up losing interest at 861.

The big problem with living on a canal boat would be figuring out where to keep my bass amp.23 August 2015

Our first narrowboat holiday, on the Grand Union Canal. I was fairly prolific during this one too, with copious updates, including these:

A canal boat holiday is a bit like being a snail.27 August 2015
Which means that my biggest fear right now is @MrCraigWard throwing me up into the air on his way home from the pub.27 August 2015

I should hasten to add that it was many decades ago that Craig used to do this, and I imagine that he would not condone such behaviour today.

Parking on the lowest level of Queens Road car park is herein known as “Doing A @Gammidgy13 September 2015

Later refined to “The Gammidgy Gambit”. I still use this term to this day.

Seeing the Tories shitting themselves is almost enough to make me consider taking an interest in politics again.16 September 2015

Just a reminder that we’ve spent the last seven years getting excited about the imminent demise of the Conservative party.

A pigeon on a lamp post definitely just tried to deliberately shit on me. Let rip exactly as I walked under. Missed by just a few cm.21 September 2015

All birds are bastards.

Rite of passage today as the three of us went for our first bike ride as a family. It was ace.4 October 2015

When I wrote this, I think perhaps I anticipated that this might become a regular thing. It did not.

Shaved with a new soap this evening. Lovely lather, shame I can’t enjoy the aroma thanks to this stinking cold.10 October 2015

At some point I started shaving with a double-edged safety razor. Within a short space of time I accumulated a colossal stash of shaving soaps, probably enough to last me the rest of my life.

My “never refuse a mint” policy lets me down when it turns out that it’s actually chewing gum.15 October 2015

The “never refuse a mint” policy was a piece of wisdom imparted to me from my dad.

A postal service we can all be very proud of.
29 October 2015

The mind boggles.

Got a new envelope filter on its way – looking forward to some awesome squelchy bass funkitude.31 October 2015

October had quite a few tweets about the evolution of my pedalboard.

Finally managed to pull off the elusive behind-the-back shot without just bruising my calves instead! #squash7 November 2015

Karen and I used to play a bit of squash on Saturday mornings, back when Bernard was doing karate.

We’re about to watch The Princess Bride with the boy for the first time. Conceivable.20 November 2015

I’m not sure if they were as impressed as I’d been hoping they’d be. The dozen tweets that follow this one are all quotes from the show, lifted verbatim, and they’re all superb. I’m not going to repost them here, just like I’m not going to repost all the various quotes from the episodes of Game Of Thrones that we were watching during the year.

Cat is getting weirder.
29 November 2015

Maisy got super-weird in her later years, and I loved every moment of it.

Y’see, the word “paella” implies that it’s a type of female pie. BUT IT’S REALLY NOT.4 December 2015

Or isn’t it?

I’ve installed an app on my phone where I put toys in my garden to entice random cats to come and visit. No shame.7 December 2015

Gasp! Neko Atsume! Anyone remember that? Many tweets followed while I was playing this game, including:

The cardboard box that I placed on the table has attracted precisely zero attention so far. Give it time, give it time.7 December 2015
We have a cat in the box! I repeat, we have a cat in the box! Oh, those of you who didn’t believe, you’re not laughing now, are you?7 December 2015
I got Joe DiMeowgio! #NekoAtsume10 December 2015
And now @erzsebel has succumbed to the temptation of #NekoAtsume. The entire household is “playing” it.12 December 2015

Into the last few days of the year…

Okay, little science experiment here. RT if you’ve ever seen a pigeon or other bird.29 December 2015

This cheap shot at gaining some retweets was deservedly completely ignored by the world.

“Around the survivors, a perimeter, create.”31 December 2015

Ah, I guess this was the era where we were introducing Bernard to Star Wars in anticipation of going to see The Force Awakens. This particular line jumped out at me as being hideously awkward in its forced Yodaness.

And this brings 2015 to an end. Thanks for sharing it with me!


1 thought on “Twitter Highlights from 2015

  1. You imply in this post that 2015 was the first time I cooked you enchiladas WTF.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *