Restaurant review

On a wet Wednesday night in Windsor, the Thai Square was very busy, but the waiting staff were up to the job [if a little barking]. We were more hungry than flush, so we just stuck to the basics: green chicken curry, red beef curry, and an amazing noodle dish that looked like a double portion. All the food was spicy and full of aromatic coconut and basil-based flavour, and we were only slightly bemused by the hard, pea-shaped but not pea-like, little thingies. What were they? Fairly pointless, we thought.

The sticky rice can only be described as sticky. Or extremely sticky. The steamed rice was fairly white and normal. And the thai singha beer was consumed without complaint.

I tend to think that there are two schools of thai restaurant: the pungent and powerful, highly spiced and colourful type; and the delicate, more scented than flavoured type. This was actually somewhere in between: food hot enough to know you were eating a curry, but nothing vulgar, nothing over-the-top.

Further into the restaurant, there was an interesting wooden decor, but unfortunately we opted for the more ordinary non-smoking section, right by the door. Our local Pizza Express is also guilty of providing a nicer environment for the smokers, too.

A main course, rice and a drink at the Thai Square came to £10 per head, which was amazing value, considering the quality of the food, and met our requirements perfectly.

Last night I was obliged by a birthday party to set foot inside a sushi restaurant for the first time in my life.
It’s never really occurred to me to go to a sushi restaurant, as I only like a very limited range of fish dishes, and that whole rawness thing disturbs me. Furthermore, the tiny portions and complicated conveyor belt system strike me as simply the wrong thing to be doing with food.
I understood from the menu that there were a number of vegetarian options, however we were not seated near enough to the conveyor to be able to examine anything as it went past, so we relied mainly on pot luck and plates of peas. By the end of an hour or so of puzzled sampling, I remained both unmoved and unsatisfied by the whole experience.
The very thought of a whole category of food that doesn’t interest me just weirds me out. The few things that I didn’t like as a child [namely spinach, olives, and fish in general], I have persisted with to a level where I’m happy to eat them in some or all possible formats. But sushi? What’s the point?
A summary of the problems facing sushi as a food concept

• Fish. Mainly raw
• Very small portions
• Soup that tastes like seaweed and contains small chunks of eraser
• Various other manifestations of seaweed, which all seem to me to be fundamentally wrong. Seaweed is found on dirty beaches, covered in flies, and should not be eaten
• The conveyor belt system, whereby some gannet sitting closer to the kitchen snatches one dish before finishing the last, and you are left with little bowls of what looks like sponge cake, but is probably seaweed.

Maybe one day when we have time on my hands, we will sit down in a quiet sushi restaurant, and work things out properly, and see if there is anything nice to eat. But I’d rather have a pizza.

The Royal India in Wokingham used to be a lovely place. The service was fast, and one was frequently seated in these marvellous little booths that kept the friendly conversation in, and the unwanted conversation out. In short, it had all the advantages of a takeaway at home, and the disadvantages… well, I’m at a loss to think of any.
A recent refurbishment has left it dead in the water. The open arrangement means that the party of sixteen gentlemen at the next table became something of a disturbance, and the waiters can no longer wheel their trolleys around without making a total fucking nuisance of themselves.
This refurbishment was clearly intended to increase the capacity of the venue, thus meeting the demand which was causing them to have to turn people away. However, the changes made will clearly deter a great number of regulars, who will find that the place no longer has the charm which previously drew them there.
I feel let down. If you had asked me to name my favourite restaurant three months ago, this would be the only place which I would feasibly consider for the role. The food wasn’t marvellous, but it was good value, and I was very comfortable there. Now, it has nothing to recommend it.
Sigh.