Ah, the mystical wonder of the A-list. For years, it was the Golden Calf at the End Of The Rainbow and the Prize That Was Beyond Reach in the Land of Nirvana. And stuff. The A-list was where the Beautiful People resided – the people with perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect code and perfect blog entries. Of course, the downside was that in reality they were mostly lonely, anti-social geeks who needed to get out more. Life is cruel like that.
But now, finally, the truth can be told …

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After "A" comes "P", as every bright and well-educated child will tell you. And they will also tell you that, in Graybo’s Lexicon of Luuuurrvve (a book that should be in every school’s library), P is for Passion.
Passion is one of those things that can be both good or bad. In the right context, it can mean intense emotional feelings of love, lust and desire. In the wrong context, it can mean nailing some bloke to a tree.
It is important that you ensure that you are in the right context. Whilst there may be instances when it might be desirable to nail a bloke to a tree, the feelings that might drive such an action would not generally be considered to be positive in the context of luuuurrvve.
For a positive outcome, it is generally preferable for passion to be reciprocated by each member of a luuuurrvving partnership. If you are new to such a partnership (for example, having just met someone in a dodgy bar, or recruited someone to your team at work on the basis that they’re good looking) then you need to ensure that there are feelings of passion being returned to you. If there are not, then your own passionate ardour may result in at least a slap, or, at worst, unrequited luuuurrvve (q.v.).
So, how does one go about testing for feelings of passion in someone that you have only just met? Well, naturally, we at the Graybo Institute for Researching Luuuurrvve (G.I.R.L. – such an unfortunate acronym) recommend the patented G.I.R.L. Passion Meter available by mail order, only £29.99 each plus p&p.

Where you insert the probe is entirely up to you and will depend on the level of familiarity that you have with the subject. The Institute will not be held responsible for any consequences that may arise from the use of the meter. Terms and conditions apply.

Let’s start at the very beginning, because it’s a very good place to start.
Aardvarks are ugly little animals, in all honesty. Only an aardvark’s mother could really love an aardvark. However, despite their distinctive and off-putting features, they have served one important purpose in modern society, and that’s as a useful name for companies that want to appear at the front of telephone directories. So it is that you will often see Aardvark Minicabs, Aardvark Industrial Waste Operatives and Aardvark Dry Cleaners – although some less imaginative companies simply go for A1, AAA or AA. (The latter, in particular, causes all sorts of unfortunate mix-ups between getting your car fixed on the hard shoulder of the motorway and getting support to conquer your addiction to pouring Bombay Saphhire on your cornflakes instead of milk).
“But,” I hear you ask, in exasperation, “how is the humble aardvark connected to the world of blogging?”

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So, it seems my partner has a week-long headache and doesn’t want to join in with my Week of Luuuurrvve. Well, I’ll do what any sensible adult would do in any long term and serious relationship when faced with a situation like this:

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