We get off to a classy start:

A nice little pair:

You’ll be pleased to know that I did eventually gather my fortitude and delete my Facebook account.

That sure is one super-round pizza base, perfectly proportioned to the stone. Well done, me. Well done.

The audition in question was in early 2010. I continued wearing the liability jeans for two years. Two years!

Of these, the only one that I actually tried was GTA5, and that wasn’t until 2019. At the time that I wrote this tweet, I still had a working XBox 360. It died a few months later, and then in early 2014 I got back into PC gaming in a big way.

These little valentine’s day tweets are cute, aren’t they?

You may have noticed that some of my favourite tweets are the ones that I look back on and just think “…wait, what?”

Quality jokes here, people.

One of the fantastic things about the 140 character limit is all of the questions that are left unanswered. Like, at the point at which I was still under the delusion that my co-worker’s head was a cat, did I… attempt to stroke it? Try to feed it fish? Open the back door for it? We’ll never know!

I think I’m probably exaggerating slightly here.

No-one liked or retweeted this.

Another bit of nostalgia-bait that failed to elicit any likes or retweets.

Oh but THIS gets a like? Fine, I see how it is.

I wrote this. I wrote THIS. I WROTE this. I can’t tell whether this is glorious, or one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read. I can’t stop looking at it. Argh and now I’m looking at my nipples. I can’t take my eyes off of them!

Have you tried it? Tip of your tongue, get stuck in there. It’s electric for me, how is it for you?

Ah now this I remember. I was on the train home, and I felt a big sneeze coming, so I covered my mouth to redirect it away from the person sat next to me. Unfortunately, it was a crowded train, so it just ended up being redirected onto another person. She made a horrified face, stood up, and dashed off, and I don’t blame her one little bit. This was 7 years before covid, but even then, it was disgusting.

If you want to know more about my history of mobile phones, I have written the following articles:

• What Do You Do With Your Old Mobile Phones?
• Technology at a Glacial Pace
• Technology at a Glacial Pace Part 2

Apparently, I very briefly became one of those intolerable arseholes who tweets the minutiae of their morning routine. Thankfully it didn’t last.

I guess I just had a horrific thought out of nowhere and then wanted to make sure I wasn’t the only person suffering.

No-one liked or retweeted this.

If this reads like praise, that’s because it is.

Karen said I shouldn’t post this one, but I beg to differ. Later on the same day:

It’s one of those thoughts that I’ve always found it hard to shake. Like how vestige should really rhyme with prestige.

853rd time, surely?

Once upon a time, people only used Twitter for short, 140 character messages. Then some atrocious excuse for a human invented the “thread”. We all know where that ended up. This was one of my early, dirty, protests, and I think history proved me to be in the right.

I was clearly drunk on the train on the way home on 2 December, because I posted this sequence:

And then…

And the last noteworthy tweet of the year was:

Part of the fun of reviewing these tweets is playing the “did that really happen, or did I make that up?” game. But then another part of the fun of reviewing these tweets is playing the “yep, that definitely happened, I remember it as if it was yesterday” game.

And that’s all for 2012, but there’s a beaut coming up in January 2013.